A Positive Decision By: Bay West
Her hands shake severely as she fumbles with the box in the tiny bathroom stall.
The directions are printed so small she can barely read what they say but she figures she has the basic idea and rips open the packaging, wishing she had forced herself to drink something this morning to make the process easier.
All women go through this terror at some point in their lives, she thinks. She's not the only woman in the history of the world to be crouched in a bathroom, hands shaking, peeing onto a stick. Desperately hoping a minus sign appears.
But most are probably in high school or college when they are carefree, sloppy, forgetful. Not in their 30's, professional and supposedly have their lives together.
She is mortified to be doing it in a bathroom at work but they are in the middle of a tough case and there's no way she can get home until late tonight, if at all, and she has to know. At least if she knows she can react.
Three days late is no big deal right? Maybe it's just from stress. She had worked long hours last week.
She's had a lot on her mind.
In particular, he's been on her mind. On a constant loop.
The feel of his teeth pulling at her skin...the way his body fits perfectly against hers when he's on top..the way her legs wrap around his strong thighs locking them together in a single momentum.
She'll randomly find herself staring at his strong profile as they work a case, imagining all the dirty things they could do one another until he catches her eyes and smirks, as if he is reading her mind.
It's those dirty things that have landed her here, in this bathroom.
And it's not so much the three days late that convinced her something is wrong in the first place. It is the smell of coffee.
This morning, when he sat the cup down on her desk, she had to hold her breath to keep from throwing up. The smell was...pungent. It overwhelmed her immediately and she couldn't even think of taking a sip.
And Kate Beckett never wastes coffee.
Castle noticed her disgust immediately and stared her down, "Since when have you ever avoided drinking coffee at 8am?"
Kate didn't have an answer because the answer was never.
She just distracted him with the murder board and led him into a theory about ninja assassins that kept him entertained for at least an hour.
And honestly, now that the moment of truth was upon her, she felt ridiculous for being so panicked.
She was surely just overreacting right?
In 5 minutes she should know. She sets the timer on her phone and closes her eyes, saying a silent to prayer to whatever Gods might exist in the universe.
There's no way that a single night of...that...all those weeks ago, could possibly result in...this.
They used protection. She was a few drinks in during the moment of truth but she remembers stopping, helping him. Both times.
It had been awhile since either of them fumbled with condoms and she was a mix of embarrassed and amused.
"Do I need to use anything?", Castle peels his lips from her neck and mummers to her as she shakes with intensity.
"Yes...I mean..I'm not on the pill or anything..."
She suddenly hated herself for stopping it during the shooting aftermath. After her and Josh broke up, it just wasn't necessary.
"Wallet...I have one in my wallet..."
Kate reaches to the side table and grabs the wallet while Castle's mouth finds its way to her bare stomach and she suddenly loses all control, moaning loudly and melting back into his body.
"It's been awhile since I've used one of these so don't judge..."
She giggles as he fumbles with the packaging. She keeps distracting him by kissing him flirtatiously. He just looks so cute while concentrating.
"Don't watch!"
She props herself onto her knees, taking the small package from his hand.
"How about I help?"
Wallet condoms? Sober, sensible Kate would realize those things were probably ancient, prone to malfunction.
3 minutes left.
Was she supposed to tell him about this? They had barely even discussed the night in question. Not because she didn't want to but he knew, he knew she wasn't available until the wall came down. Until they solved her mother's murder.
When he approached her about it with his soft voice and grin, "Kate we should talk..." She always brushed him off, asking for more space. More time.
Which he always gave her, because it's Richard Castle.
2 minutes left.
A baby?
Kate honestly never thought she would have kids. Especially as she gets older, remains unmarried and becomes even more focused on her job.
She is on her way to being promoted in the next few years and if she thinks she is busy now, it wouldn't compare to an increased role.
And Castle isn't exactly young. He would be almost 60 when...if...this baby...graduates high school.
1 minute left.
She is so damaged. She's been in therapy for nearly a year and the wall that was there all those months ago has barely been chipped.
She can't even have a real relationship with Castle, let alone a family.
She knows she has options and has always been the first to vote in favor of exercising those options for women in positions like hers.
But now.
Now that she's 60 seconds from knowing. The options seem so impractical when applied to her own life.
30 seconds.
15 seconds.
10 seconds.
Her phone timer glows with an alarm clock image.
0 seconds.
Her hand is wrapped so tightly around the stick that her knuckles are white. She can feel sweat forming on her temples. Her heart is beating in her throat.
Kate. Just do it. Just look and you'll know.
Slowly she peels away her hand and reminds herself of the directions, a plus sign is bad, a plus sign means baby.
plus sign.
Chapter 2 to follow..if people are interested in it?
