Well, this is my version of One Day At A Time's ending. I hope you like it.


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8, and all characters referred to herein, are the property of Squaresoft. The quote in latin Zell's speaks isn't mine either. I got it from the fanfic "Eden" written by Tenshi No Korin. I claim no ownership to it.


Chapter 11-I Am The Messenger

"Zell…put the gun down," Squall pleaded, approaching Zell with caution, trying desperately to maintain the facade of calm his face could barely hold. Zell backed away rapidly, the barrel of the gun at his temple shaking madly. His other hand clutched the railing in an attempt to keep himself righted. His legs tremored so violently it was a wonder he hadn't fallen to the floor by now. The emotional turmoil, the tears, the drugs--they were all battling for dominance within him, and no matter who won, Squall knew the loser would be Zell.
He refused to let that happen.
"G'get away from me!" Zell yelled, shoving the gun barrel to his temple to emphasize his intent. Not that he needed to; Squall already knew what hung in the balance here. Tears were streaming in rivers down his cheeks. He wiped at his eyes, sobbing.
"Zell…please put the gun down. Please…" Squall spoke cautiously, choosing his words with care, and battling to stay calm. He'd never dreamed he'd ever be in a situation like this. Hell, fighting Ultemecia wasn't this complicated! (I've gotta get that gun from him somehow…God, How did he even get one…? Zell… how did it ever come to this…? How did you get so lost…?)
I'is Selphie okay…? I'I didn't mean to hurt her, Squall…I'm sorry…" he cried, wiping his eyes again. "I didn't mean to, man, I swear…"
Squall felt himself tremble inside. His throat was clenched and stripped raw, like he'd swallowed poison. Zell looked lost like a lost soul caught between worlds. Torn by the desperation to live and the desire to die…to end the pain.
Yeah…Selphie's alright, Zell. You didn't hurt her. She's fine," Squall took a small step forward. Zell yanked the gun away from his head, leveling it at Squall's heart.
Get away from me, man! I mean it!!"
"Zell, c'mon…just put the gun down and we'll talk…just you and me, okay…? Just you and me, buddy."
Zell shook his head. "I don't wanna talk any more…" he sobbed, sticking the barrel back to his head. "I always end up hurting somebody when I talk…You promised they wouldn't find out, Squall, you promised…" Zell's voice stunk of pain and fear deep enough to drown in.
I know I promised, Zell…" Squall was sick inside. He could hardly keep his composure in the face of so much anguish, and the fact that it was coming from Zell, someone Squall always believed to be the embodiment of life and energy and exuberance made it almost unbearable to see. "You don't know how sorry I am…it was an accident, Zell, I'm sorry…" Squall's voice cracked slightly as he swallowed the bitterness in his mouth. But as bad as it was for him to swallow, Squall knew that he only had a taste of the pain.
Zell was choking on his…choking to death.
No…Squall thought ferociously. I'm not gonna let him down…not again…
" I trusted you…" Zell whispered in return, the tears burning trails down his face, tears he couldn't seem to free himself from no matter how hard he tried. "I trusted you…"
"I know…I'm sorry, Zell…Just please put the gun down…I wanna help you," Squall swallowed again, the rawness in his throat worse than before. "I wanna help you so much, it's eating a hole in me…Remember last night…? You told me you didn't wanna die, remember…? Do you remember telling me that…?
It doesn't matter anymore…I can't…I can't take it…! I'm not like you, Squall…I don't have your strength…your bravery….I wanted so much to be like you, man, but I can't…! I never will be…Everything hurts, Squall…I gotta make it stop…this is the only thing I've got left…!" Zell squeezed his eyes shut, another flood of agony raining out of his eyes. "This…" he gasped, "this's all I've got."
Oh, God, Zell…that's not true… Squall felt his desperation mounting. Zell was on the brink, teetering on the razor's edge between destruction and salvation. "It's okay, Zell…it's okay to cry when you're hurting inside. But, Zell…you've gotta stop this…you can't take this back once it's done. It's not gonna solve anything…please…I'm begging you…please don't do it…"
Zell was shaking madly now. The drugs were probably running riot through his system doing all kinds of damage. Squall knew he had to be careful now; anything could set Zell off.
"I don't even know why you're up here anyway…it's not like you care if I die or not…"Zell moaned.
Squall stared in disbelief. "…Zell…is that what you think…?"
"It's what I know! You hate my guts, Squall! I know you do!" Zell's voice had gone venomous all of a sudden. "The only reason you're up here is because it's part of your job! The whole commander-lookin'-out-for-his-troop riff! I'm a grunt, that's all…a stupid, loud-mouth grunt…" Zell choked back a sob, and clutched the gun in his hand tight to his chest. Then whispered in a broken voice, "I'm letting you of the hook, Commander. I won't be a burden to you anymore. I know deep down…this is what you want…"
Zell's declaration trailed off into nothing as the terrace suddenly fell into hurricane-eye silence. There was literally no sound outside. Everything was still, quiet, almost serene in its way. The proverbial pin could've dropped.
Zell's bloodshot eyes were trained on the floor, the gun still clenched in his hand. He was about to raise it again, to finish what he'd started…
But then…
"Zell…" Squall whispered, his voice a trembling shadow of its normal self, "you…you…Oh God, Zell…you're wrong, man…you're so wrong…"
It was like getting stabbed in the gut with an icicle. Zell felt shock punch its way though him as he raised his head and saw something he'd never--in his lifetime or any other--thought he would see.
Zell had always know Squall to be intense, to be driven, to be focused. He'd seen Squall serious and cold, indifferent and impassive, distantly concerned and mildly compassionate. But never--never like this…
Squall Leonhart, the commander of SeeD, the man who'd faced down ravenous T-Rexaurs and power-mad sorceresses , the great Ice-God of Balamb…
…was crying.
"Do you have any idea how much everyone in Garden needs you…? I'm just their leader…their commander…the guy in charge, but you…everyone here loves you so much…" Squall swallowed hard, sending a wave of tears down his cheeks. "You're so open with people, Zell…you care about what happens to them…you let them in and touch them without getting hurt…you're totally fearless where it means the most. I can risk my life on suicide missions and kick butt in combat drills, but all that's nothing compared to the courage you've got…You said you wanted to be like me…? Zell…I'm the one who wants to be like you…"
Something in Zell's face was changing, Squall noticed. It was so slight and imperceptible at first, he wondered if it was just wishful thinking. But then Squall noticed that Zell wasn't crying anymore. He still had tears in his eyes, but the steady rain of them down his face had stopped. He had to keep this going, he couldn't stop now.
Squall wiped his eyes and kept going. "When I lost Ellone…I shut myself down…I told myself that I'd be okay on my own…that I didn't anyone to help me through the loneliness and everything it came with…but I was wrong, Zell…I was dead wrong…and you know when I started to think like that…?"
"…When you…you met Rinoa…" Zell stammered. He was still in shock seeing Squall crying like this.
Squall shook his head. "Rinoa just gave me the kick in the butt I needed, Zell. But you…you were the one who made me wonder what I was missing out on…you reached out to me when nobody else would…you wouldn't take no for an answer, no matter how much I blew you off or pretended I didn't care…but I did, Zell…I do care…so damned much it hurts…" He took another step forward.
"Don't…!" Zell shouted, lashing out with the gun again. But his aim was faulty, his arm trembling violently. The tears returned in full force. But Squall's were even worse. He stood in front of Zell, almost sobbing himself, the facade of indifference he'd spent years hiding behind long since gone.
"Zell…you said that you had to make it stop…? It might stop for you, but what about us…? What about everyone you'd leave behind…? Rinoa…Quistis…Irvine…Selphie…Seifer…the whole Garden…your parents…everyone in Balamb who loves you…" he paused for a second, stumbled over a sob. And then added in a shattered whisper, "…me…?"
Zell stared wordlessly for a minute, his gun arm still quivering as Squall continued. "Zell…I can't take anyone else leaving me…it's too hard…it hurts too much…I can't go through that again…so if you're so set on doing this, you may as well put a bullet in my heart, too, because I am not gonna live the rest of my life knowing I couldn't save you from this! I am not gonna do it, because I would die! I would go out of my mind!!"
Zell dropped his gaze to the floor again; his mind was in turmoil. He didn't know what to believe. Was he hallucinating? Was all this just a side effect of all the pills he'd consumed? It had to be…there was no way out of this…Squall didn't care about him…he was completely and utterly doomed…
Wasn't he?
But if that was the case, why was Squall so upset? Why was he up here spilling his tears and his guts in equal measure? Why was he crying so much? Zell couldn't understand it…did he really have that much of an impact on Squall's life to make him care like this?
The soft touch of leather squeezed the back of Zell's neck suddenly, making him gasp slightly in shock. He jerked his head up to find Squall standing there in front of him, barely an inch or so between them, storm-cloud gray eyes locked on electric blue ones, mirroring each other's heartache.
"You're my best friend, Zell…" Squall choked out, pressing his forehead against Zell's. "I…I love you…please…please, don't do it…please…"

Seifer stood in the doorframe, half-in, half-out, and keeping to the shadows, but watching the whole scene intently. It had been too much, even for him to take, and he had tears flowing freely down his face. He been begging and pleading to God or to Hyne or any other deity who might have been listening for this to end without anyone paying the price for it. He was sick with shame at all the things he'd done after throwing in with that madwoman, Ultimecia, but this…this was far worse. He'd done his best to make Zell feel like dirt at every single turn from childhood and onward, never caring about what he said, or stopping to think about the damage he was doing, and the consequences that would come of it later. He had no idea Zell felt like this, and it was only now, in the face of so much anguish that he realized how much he actually cared about the little squirt. And Squall…his rival…his eternal rival…he cared about him too. He didn't want to see either of them die.
Oh God…he moaned inside. Please don't let it end like this…not like this…Seifer watched in silence as Squall wrapped his arms around Zell's stomach, and pulled him close, still pleading with him not to let go of his life. Zell's arms were slack at his sides, shoulders quaking like tree branches in a hurricane, his eyes swarming with emotion. His hand was still locked desperately around the revolver, and Seifer started wondering if Zell intended to shoot himself and take Squall with him. Seifer hoped he wouldn't have to intervene; he had no idea what the sight of him could do to Zell's state of mind, and the whole scenario was precarious enough as it was.
But still…he couldn't do nothing…that would be even worse.
Then he saw it; Zell's arm was moving upward in a slow, deliberate fashion. Seifer tensed on instinct, ready to spring forward. The distance between him and the other boys was considerable, and he had no illusions about possibly not being able to get there in time, but he didn't care. Better to try than play silent witness to this tragedy in the making. Zell's arm continued to rise, his index finger quaking on the gun trigger. He crossed it over Squall's shoulders, the barrel briefly ruffling the furred collar of his jacket…
…and in a blur of motion, Zell threw it as hard as he could to the right, sending it sailing over the edge of the terrace, and into the night below. Then he threw his arms around Squall's neck, sobbing softly into his shoulder.
Seifer's breath came out in a rush of relief as he sagged to the floor. He laid his head against the cool metal wall and whispered, "Thank you…Oh God, thank you…thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…"
Zell dug his fingers into Squall's shoulders, clinging desperately to him, to his hope, to his sanity--he didn't know, but he was clearly clinging to something. Squall rubbed the back of his head in reassurance, letting Zell know that he was there for him.
"Squall…" he said softly, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, man…"
"Shhhh…It's alright, Zell," Squall spoke just as softly, trying to soothe his friend. "It's gonna be okay, buddy. I'm gonna do everything I can to help you through this. We all will, Zell. I meant what I said before…you're my best friend…I'm not gonna give up on you…now or ever."
"…Thanks, Squall…" Zell tightened his grip gratefully on Squall, closing his eyes, and sending the last rush of tears down his face.
Squall squeezed him again, then lifted his head off Zell's shoulder where it had been resting. "Listen, we gotta get you to the Infirmary; get those pills you took out of your system. Can you make it that far, Zell?"
"Yeah…yeah, I think I… I… I… I…'' Zell's voice dropped away into a strange silence. His body straightened and went stiff as if he'd been hit head-on by a Thundaga spell. His breath deepened, his eyes were clenched shut ,and his chest heaved in a slow and decidedly inhuman rhythm.
"Zell? Zell, what's wrong?" Squall straightened up, shaking Zell's shoulders slightly. "Zell, are you--"
Squall never got to finish his sentence. Zell's eyes snapped open, and he was powerless to look anywhere else but into their depths. The bright, friendly, familiar blue of Zell's eyes was gone, and in its place were twin voids of fathomless black with pinpricks of white flickering within. Planets, stars, and galaxies were laid against the eternal expanse of darkness, glowing with ancient colors the spectrum had long since forgotten. Squall stared in unspoken shock at the starscape before him, unable to speak. Zell's eyebrows lowered and narrowed as they pointed to each other.
Then, in a voice like a burning star, he spoke: " I am …the Messenger…"
"...Zell…?" Squall whispered.
" Ixos thanos hic tsoltas valents timnet…" Zell intoned, "Chros non regnes hox vocses…I am the Messenger with destiny in my wings…Time…can…not…still…my…words…" As soon as the words left his lips, the sea of stars in Zell's eyes flickered and vanished, the bright blue Squall knew so well regaining dominance again. But the experience had left those eyes washed over with a fear that neither boy could explain.
"…Sq-Squall…" Zell gasped, trembling, his limbs going numb, darkness crashing over his body and mind. "…please…he-help…m-m-me…"
"ZELL!!"
Zell sank into Squall's arms, like a puppet with its strings cut.
The world faded to back.