The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

Chapter One "Dream a Little Ed" [Redux]

Written by thebestkindofstupid/Reginald Konga

Author's Notes: Greetings, newcomers and long-time fans, I have tampered with the laws of time and space to remaster this first chapter just like George Lucas. All right, fine, I didn't really time travel, but I have decided to revise this episode for the belated two-year anniversary of this story. The main problem with the original Episode One was my tendency to tell rather than show. Look up "show, don't tell" sometime (I initially thought it was a T.V. show). I was originally going to re-post the original first chapter on my blog, but the scraps on my DeviantArt gallery would probably work a lot better. I'm still on the fence about whether or not to re-write Episode Four as well.

This is a spiritual successor to the original story The Grim EDventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy by Technomaru. As the fan fiction dot net summary states, this story takes place before Season 2 of the original Ed, Edd n Eddy in an alternate universe where Grim never met Billy & Mandy. Furthermore, this story is often written as if it actually aired on T.V. My original vision was that this was what happened if Ed, Edd n Eddy was not successful, so Danny Antonucci teamed up with Maxwell Atoms. Nowadays I imagine that this story is a 2010s reboot of both shows.

By the way, I have terrific news. Technomaru actually messaged me about this, and he even said, "You're doing one heck of a great job!" I'm very proud of that. Technomaru has had trouble continuing his version of this story due to writer's block, so if you want Grim Eds, you're stuck with me (as of July 13, 2015). Well, I suppose that's enough stalling. Here it is––NEW Grim Edventures Chapter One.

Warning: You are about to enter a strange realm. A place between canon and non-canon. A place where it's okay to mix up stories. This place is called The Twirling Zone.

Our story begins in the suburbs that were home to three boys who shared the name Ed. One day Edd, often simply referred to as Double D, was in his house, mopping the kitchen floor. With a few more movements of his mop, Double D was finally done with his task. "Nice, fresh, and spotless," he comforted himself.

His friend Eddy then barged into the room with large quantities of mud on his shoes. "Hey, Double D, your doorbell's broken," Eddy blabbed. "I'd get it fixed if I were you."

"Eddy!" Double D spoke, heavily emphasizing the second syllable with distraught. "You're tracking mud. It wasn't even raining! Where on Earth did the mud come from?"

"Oh," Eddy said casually, "Dad must've spilled that stuff on the garage floor again."

"What do you mean by––Never mind. I don't want to know," Double D said.

"Listen, Double D, you like jawbreakers, right?" Eddy asked.

Double D answered, "Yes, Eddy, I most certainly do, but that doesn't excu––"

Eddy interrupted, "Well, we need a great new scam to attract the local pigeons, then we can take their hard earned money to the candy store."

"I'm already well aware of what we typically do with our spare time. Who do you think you're explaining this to?"

"Let's just go get Ed," said Eddy, somewhat defeated and annoyed.

Double D and Eddy made their way to Ed's house. Like before, Eddy barged into his friend's home with no regard for privacy. They walked into Ed's living room and found him staring at a wall in their house. "Hey, Ed, why ya starin' at that wall," Eddy said.

Ed turned his head and responded, "That's what I've been trying to remember for the past half hour, Eddy."

"Whatever," Eddy said. "Wait a minute. Doesn't Sarah usually watch her favorite show this time of day."

"Oh, yeah," Ed said, "Sarah said she went with Jimmy to get haircuts, then she went with Mom, so she could buy that new doll. Uh, what was its name again?"

"Who cares?" Eddy said. "We don't need those two ankle-biters weighing us down."

As he walked back outside with his friends, Eddy said, "Now what scam are we going to pull today?" Eddy then noticed Nazz walking down the lane with some grocery bags filled with snacks. "Hey, Nazz," Eddy said, "You know, if you had a hunk like me as your boyfriend, he probably wouldn't mind carrying one or two of those bags for you. I'm available, you know."

Nazz giggled and said, "Um, sorry, Eddy. There's a once-in-a-lifetime marathon of Attack of Seth Hans Jebediah episodes."

"Oh, I saw that," Ed exclaimed. "Can you believe they went to––"

Nazz interrupted, "Shh, don't spoil it for me. I'm half a season behind, and I'm going to catch up with the marathon."

"You're into that stuff, Nazz?" Eddy asked, perplexed.

"Yeah, it's a cult classic, and it really proves Satire's not dead," Nazz said.

"Who names their kid Satire?" Ed asked.

"Say, where's Shovel-chin?" Eddy asked after he noticed Kevin's absense.

"Oh, Kevin? He left with Rolf and Jonny to go play paintball. He won't be back until suppertime," Nazz explained. "I'd love to chat, but I'm gonna miss the opening theme. See ya later." With that, Nazz was gone.

Eddy then made a shocking realization. "Wait a minute. Jimmy, Sarah, Jonny, Kevin, Rolf, Nazz… that means there's no one else to scam."

"Why do we scam, Eddy?" Double D questioned. "Can't we make an honest living instead of blindly chasing after quarters we can never obtain."

Eddy defended his actions by saying, "It's not my fault my plans don't work. Something always comes up and ruins everything. If only they knew the pain I go through every day, then they'd––That's it!" He pulled Double D by the shirt and continued. "I'll summon a monster, brain wash it, let it scare the kids, and save them from it, then I'll have their respect. It's fool proof!"

Amazed, Double D said to Eddy, "You got all that from 'if they knew the pain I go through…'?"

"It's a great plan," Eddy said, letting go of Double D.

"Where are you going to get a monster anyway?" Double D asked.

"My brother has a spell book in his room. I'll just use it to summon a Cthulhu or something, and he'll never even know, since he's gone," Eddy explained.

"I don't know about this, Eddy," Double D said.

"Come on. Let's go," Eddy commanded.

Ed followed and added, "Can we name the Cthulhu Carl?"

Meanwhile, Kevin tried to explain the rules of paintball to Rolf and Jonny. "All right. Rolf, your paint is blue, so that means you're on my team, and––"

Rolf then said, "Rolf is already quite aware of how to play the game. A country just north of Rolf's homeland had a competition like this once, only they used the mucous from a two-toed, three-legged frog for paint."

"Uh, what?" Kevin asked, very confused.

Jonny then spoke, "Plank wants to know why you waited until now to explain the rules to us?"

"Oh," Kevin said, "Well, uh, anyway, you've got orange paint, so you're on the other team, and––"

Back to the main plot, the Eds were soon back outside with Eddy's Brother's book, which was blue with shiny silver writing.

"Maybe you should reconsider, Eddy. I've got a bad feeling about this," Double D said. "Besides, the kids are away from the cul-de-sac, Eddy."

"It's gonna work fine." Eddy said angrily. "What could go wrong?" He then looked through the book and found the perfect spell. Little did he know the spell's effect was listed after the required incantation. Eddy held up the book and recited, "Dexter Bravo J… Golden Taxi Carbo Xuad J…" THe book started to glow. "Rocks Bo J… Derooxax Buh J…. Niptar Yo J!" As he finished the incantation, a portal of green energy bursted into the sky, creating many storm clouds, which blocked out the sun.

Inside her house, Nazz noticed the weather was no longer sunny, but she just shrugged it off.

Eddy then panicked, "Ed, what's going on? You're the expert on supernatural stuff. What's going on?!" There was a certain tone of fear in his voice.

Ed then said, "It looks like you cast the wrong spell, thus summoning.––" Ed stopped, never finishing. The three Eds watched as a shadowy figured appear before them. He was a skeleton in a black robe, which had red fabric on the inside. He was holding a tall scythe in his hands.

Ed then exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh! It's Santa!"

"That's not Santa Claus, you idiot," Eddy fired back.

"No, Santa Muerte––the skeletal representation of Death in Spanish culture."

"Well," the dark figure said in a Jamaican accent, "At least he got the death thing right.." He then cleared his throat and said in a dramatic voice, "I am the Grim Reaper, the ultimate force of life and death, the immortal––"

"I'm gonna call you Grim for short," Eddy said.

"That is very rude," Grim said before once again being interrupted.

"Listen," said Eddy, "We need you to scare the kids, so we can earn their respect and therefore their money."

"What makes you think I'll agree to that?"

"How about this? We'll take turns in a Yo Mama joke telling contest. The first person to cry, pass out, or yell in anger after the other person's joke loses, and if you can't come up with a joke within a minute, you also lose."

The Grim Reaper then got an awful smile and said, "I accept. If you win, I'll be your best friend forever, but if I win, I'm taking you and the dumb one under."

"All right, let's do this," Eddy agreed.

"Eddy, come now, we can't do this," Double D argued.

"Don't be such a sockhead, sockhead. I got everything under control."

"Very well, I'll let you go first, but be forewarned that I'll do everything in my power to see you lose."

Little did Grim know that Eddy's brother was a whiz at telling Yo Mama jokes, and Eddy had learned from the master.

"You going or what? I can't wait to see you lose." Grim then let out an evil laugh.

Eddy then looked angry, like he was struggling. He then let out a Yo Mama joke so cool, so extreme, so epic, it must be censored.

[Censored]

Grim fell over and passed out from the sheer might of Eddy's joke. He woke up twelve minutes later, and said, "Oh, what happened?"

"You lost a bet with us," Eddy explained.

"Yeah!" Ed yelled, "and now you're our BEST FRIEND FOEVER!"

"Forever? Really?" Grim asked.

"Yep, forever," Eddy said.

"That's impossible. I am the Grim Reaper! The master of life and death!"

"I hate to add insult to injury, but you really must have a gambling problem," said Double D.

"No. No! NOOOOOOO!" Grim exclaimed in anguish. "This can't be! This can't be real!"

"Oh, just shut up already!" Eddy exclaimed, and so… the Grim Reaper was forever enslaved to the three boys named Ed, but this is only the beginning of our story. There are many, many more supernatural adventures to be had for them, and it all started here.