Description: Roxas lives on one of the richest of the Destiny Islands, with a loving brother, popularity and money out of the wazoo, and good grades galore. Yet he still cant find that one spot of happiness he's so desperate to find. Will the Keyblade War bring him salvation? Or will he find his nothingness to be too much to handle?

Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom hearts or any of the Final Fantasy games then trust me, I'd occupy most of my time making silly twisted thing from Demy's moans and Clouds blue eyes. But alas I don't, so I'll just cry in the corner now….

Warnings: This Story contains boy love, themes of rape, self abuse, suicide attempts, flying monkeys, and harsh words like the word FUCK. And yes, I mean it, boy love. Considering I put it under Romance and AkuRoku mainly, then you should have known not to click it if it disturbs you. To all homophobes, fuck off. To all my gay brethren and yaoi loving ladies, thank you for reading. There will be lemons in future chapters, oh yes there will. oh, and i say yaoi because really, there will be lemons, but seriously? lemons arent gonna be twice in a chapter, every chapter. there will probably be only a few squeezed here and there.

Note: Oh, and this first chapter is dedicated to Momoluckybunches. I still love how you lemons my watermelons until there are strawberries all over the place. Thank you for caring~!


Bored, cerulean eyes looked out the window, into the summer twilight and out to the ocean surrounding the property. The boy to whom they belonged played idly with his hair, golden dry, sandy but soft, and bit his soft, almost delicate lips gently. He had no clue what he was doing, only that he knew he shouldn't be thinking the thoughts that resided in his mind. He was wearing his favorite pajamas, a pair of boxers and a simple under shirt, nothing else. He heard music coming from down the hall, some band from Atlantica playing softly.

He wasn't tired anymore. He didn't get as tired as he used to, dark thoughts going around his almost empty head, an ache in his heart. His brother made everything better, of course, but after hours alone, his mind normally went right on back to pick up the ideas floating around his mind.

Roxas was sixteen, almost seventeen. His twin, Sora, was probably preparing for their party, something he always planned out months before hand and perfected along the way. Last time Roxas had checked, they were going to celebrate in the house, instead of on their private beach. It probably went back to the beach now that he considered it.

Roxas sighed, getting up and wondering down the hallway to the sound of cheerful music. The grandfather clock in the hall told him he was up too early, far too early. 4:51. Roxas shook his head slightly as he realized he had gone up to his room and sat on that windowsill for almost seven hours ago. And then he got confused. Sora never stayed up late, he always fell asleep eventually after one at the latest. If he had problems, he should have come to Roxas by now. Roxas could always make his twin go to sleep when he needed it, and Sora knew he didn't mind at all….

His worried thoughts dissipated as soon as he opened the door to the tropical room. His brother, bless him, was sprawled all over the bed, snoring lightly with the light on, his clothes from yesterday still on his person, and the stereo playing in the background. His spikier, brown hair was even more chaotic than normal and covered his face for the most part. Roxas smiled lightly at the sleeping form, and decided the brunette could stand a little more comfort than he was in. He turned off the light, then the music, and then moved all the papers to his desk in a neat pile (something rare in Sora's room) and then gently pulled his brother up the bed and tucked him in lightly, causing a hitch in his brother, but nothing more.

"Goodnight, Sora. Sleep well. I love you," He whispered, planting a light kiss on his forehead.

As he left the room, he thought about himself a bit more.

Sora was charismatic, that was for sure. He was impossible not to love, a friendly, open face that accepted anyone for whoever they were. His heart burst out to give love to any who needed it. He was friendly, very popular, and so damn sweet it hurt sometimes. He liked food, swimming, Struggle matches, making friends, entertaining friends, and he and Roxas shared a connection that was so strong, no one could break it. Sora was the light that Roxas could follow, could hold onto when things turned dark and the shadows in his heart grew. He liked Sea Salt ice cream, tropical colors, and was food already mentioned? Well, he liked it. A lot.

Roxas, on the other hand, was quiet, but even more popular than his brother. Girls adored him, he always had his pick to help himself to if he so inclined, but never had before. No one seemed interesting enough to him to begin with. They were all missing that certain something. Roxas had looks, a killer body, and he lived in a mansion supplied by his oh so loving parents. He liked to read, he liked music, and he easily matched his twin in struggle matches. He didn't make real friends easily, always afraid of being used, but he was able to keep a hold of some of his own through the years. He was a dark, quiet person, always thinking of his life, always living with regrets that seemed strange to others. He also liked sea Salt ice cream, he liked black and white with a tint of red, and unlike his brother, he didn't like to stuff his face full of food.

They were so close because they needed to be. Parents that had lost interest in the children they raised decided that it was just too much trouble to even come home now and again to see them. Roxas and his brother hadn't seen their parents in over seven months. Ever since they were just babies, they had been practically raised by their Nannies. Their parents had even tried to fuss to make them have bodyguards, but they realized on an island society like the Destiny Islands, there wasn't much crime to be had, and very little threat towards their children, so it wouldn't make them look bad if they decided against it. Either way, they barely saw their children, and the only thing they really did for them was give them money to get what they wanted. What they wanted couldn't have been bought with all the Cross family money.

Roxas Cross and Sora Cross only wished for a family. For their parents to love them.

But they made do with what they had. They had each other, and they had their friends. Sora could cook quite well, and Roxas could too. Sora had agreed to make breakfast, and Roxas agreed dinner would be his territory. They rarely ordered food, and when they did it was because there was nothing to make in the house. They did their laundry; they cleaned up their rooms, and left the cleaning to the cleaning crew every Sunday. They had it as good as it could get, and they rarely found something they couldn't have.

"Except the one thing I want most…." Roxas sighed, entering his room and shuffling off into the covers. He might be able to get a wink in before school started in a few hours, and if not, its not like he hadn't shown up tired before. He was always tired of something.


"Wakey wakey! Eggs and pancakes!" Roxas heard as he was viciously tickled out of his bed onto the floor. He blinked in surprise when he realized Sora had entered his room without him noticing. He hadn't gone to sleep, but he had blanked for about an hour.

"Sora, I'm up already." He frowned, getting up and untangling himself from the sheets.

"I know, but hey, better to be woken up and given food then not woken up and rushing for school." His brother smiled mischievously. Roxas couldn't help but grin as the brunette hugged him to his side and walked down the long corridors down to their kitchen.

Roxas smelled eggs and pancakes, mixed with delicious syrup and whipped cream. Of course Sora would go all out. It was a Monday, which meant a longer day than normal. At the end of it, there would be a get together of friends at the usual spot.

"Thank you, Sora." He smiled, giving the blue eyed brother a squeeze before sitting down and shoveling everything he could into his mouth. He had plenty of time before class began, so he could take a shower and get ready.

"I swear, how do you eat so much? you stay skinny as a stick, and you never gain weight!" Sora tried to say through a muffle a food in his own mouth, and Roxas grinned.

"What can I say, we have high metabolisms. That, and you swim while I workout every Sunday. And we both Struggle." He shoved the last of the delicious pancakes into his mouth, finished it off with a glass of orange juice, and dashed upstairs to get his shower over with.

He quickly disrobed, refusing to look at himself in the mirror, a routine that had been kept in place since he was twelve. He took a steaming hot shower to calm his nerves and keep himself collected. He had all his work done, his friends were all okay, and he had no reason to stress. Then why the hell did he feel like something was off?

He got dressed in a stylish pair of jeans and loosely buttoned long sleeved shirt. It didn't make him warm because of its breathing fabric. After he was satisfied that his hair was the right amount of messy, he grabbed his bag and headed out the door with Sora.

"So, have the party planned out yet?" he teased, and Sora stuck his tongue out playfully, shaking his head.

"You don't get to ask much about that yet. I've decided its gonna be a surprise for you, cuz seriously dude? You need a surprise or two!" he touched his fist lightly to Roxas' arm, and Roxas laughed silently and shook his own head. Of course Sora would try to keep it a secret until the very end. Sora had a thing for making surprises pop up out of nowhere.

As they reached the school itself, they were bombarded by girls and the occasionally boy asking them if they wanted to hang out, if they'd like to go get some coffee, the basic flirt and beg of the fans. Roxas was always so bored with it, because none of those girls ever interested him. They may have been pretty, but he never saw it.

They carefully made their way into the school, being followed most of the way until they hit their lockers. They had established a long time ago that locker stalking was not okay. As Roxas opened his locker, he found an unusual amount of pink that did not belong to him. Three pink pieces of paper were folded and somehow slid into the slits on his locker, and he knew what they were. Love letters.

"EW! I got some too…." Sora said, taking the two that were in his and opening them carefully. He grimaced as he read the words and smelled the perfume that had been sprayed on one. He sighed, and, because Sora was never mean to innocent girls, he took out two pieces of paper and started to write down how sorry he was, but he couldn't accept the tokens of love and affection. Sora never wanted to see girls cry, and he did his best to make sure they didn't. Roxas, on the other hand, ignored them until it became obvious the person was going to take it steps farther, say, like asking him out and bugging him in person. Paper is easily recycled. People are not.

"I'm just gonna throw them out. I don't know why you bother even responding. The nicer you act to them, the more encouraged they are until they break and go psycho killer on your skinny little ass." Roxas huffed, tossing the love letters in the nearest trash can.

"That's kinda mean, Roxas. They don't deserve to be thrown away like garbage. And no, I'm not talking about the letters; I'm talking about the people. They're sensitive, and they don't seem to get that they don't know us enough to love us." His brother responded seriously, with a sad look on his face.

"Exactly. What makes them think they know us so well? Hm? They don't, and I don't really care for them to. I have friends, and I'm honestly not interested in making someone more than one until I want it. Besides, who wants to be followed around all day by a group of girls that adore us? Not me…. And besides, I don't read them anymore since that one that talked about twincest. It made me shudder so bad I felt like throwing up, not that you're not the person I love most in this world, but still… not cool." He blanched, shaking his head sharply when the memory assaulted his mind. Sora twitched beside him and shuddered delicately.

"Okay, point taken. Let's go before I think on that anymore, cuz its seriously making me feel sick." They both headed to their first hour together and sat down. Algebra had never felt so safe.

"Class, please, take your seats soon. The bell is about to ring." Mr. Fair said behind his desk. His black, messy hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. Roxas liked him, he was a fair teacher as his name suggested. He gave homework every night, but he'd make sure everyone could get it done at least halfway.

They started to hand their assignments in when a blonde, messy head of hair peeked through the door and tried to sneak to his seat next to Roxas as silently as he could. He didn't succeed.

"Hayner, if you're late again, you get a detention, got it?" The teacher said, not even looking up from his papers on his desk. The sandy blonde flinched and sighed, grumbling an affirmative to him as he took his seat.

"I swear, Olette just wouldn't hurry up this morning, dude! I was able to get her a ride here, escorted her to her first hour, and right when I walk out the bell rings! I mean, what the hell?" he complained, earning a smile from Roxas and his twin, chuckling as the moody boy grumbled again and searched his bag for his homework.

Just then an alarm sounded throughout the school, piercing all levels of noise and bringing everyone to an absolute silence. Mr. Fair looked up and quickly closed and locked the door, shut the window blinds and yelled "Everybody, get in under your desks NOW!".

Everyone obeyed, frightened by the sudden outburst and ringing sirens. They all immediately assumed the position under their desks and hushed as the siren stopped. For the longest moment, all there was were heavy breaths and pounding hearts, frightened by what might be heading for them, or who might be in the school. They had never had a situation on the islands that demanded the procedure that took place now. They waited and waited, no one daring to ask what was happening, no one moving or talking. Minutes went by, fear holding everyone in place, until they cramped and whimpered. And then the phone rang loudly. Mr. Fair immediately picked it up, listening to the other end and never speaking until he said in a dejected, grieving voice, "I understand."

"Class… you can come out now." He waited for everyone to get up, back into their seats, and await for whatever information had been received. After everyone had their eyes on him, the teacher spoke again. "Minutes ago, we received word of a Tonberry missile heading towards the islands, and we had no idea which one it would hit… until just now. The missile hit Hollow Bastion. And… Spira has declared war upon the peoples of Kingdom Hearts. Atlantica, The Pride Lands, and Agrabah have declared themselves allies to the Kingdom, and Hollow Bastion was a key strategy point made by our people. Half the city has been obliterated… and they are calling aide. The… The Keyblade wars have begun."

Roxas only had time to think oh shit before hell broke loose upon their little island.


Thank you for reading the first chapter! please review, and ill try my best to update weekly! remember, reviews=love, so love me!