Gone and Forgotten
Some say when you die you leave a hole – a hole in the lives and hearts of family and friends and for some in the fabric of society or halls of power.
But Jack knew better. When you died they dig a hole, toss you in and fill it back up. And life goes on. In a few years no one speaks your name.
He had seen the dingy pictures that lined the Pentagon walls. No one knew who they were, much less cared. Too often these days he felt as though he was lying on the bottom of a deep hole waiting for them to shovel the dirt on his face.
For some reason Laira and Kerry came to mind. Somethings were better not started – the endings are too painful on both sides. But sometimes it's all about comfort and release. You just need to lay down your burdens, escape the reality of your situation and find solace. Occasionally it was for him in the bottom of a bottle, once it was almost in the barrel of a gun. These women, he had been with, were not meaningless but they were not what would soothe his soul. But there was one who beyond his reach and nestled so deep in his heart that no one else could ever compare.
He thought of the time at the cabin, Sam still deep in grief at her fathers passing and the turmoil of the broken engagement. He thought of the fleeting touch and briefest of kisses, his aching desire, yet inability to ask, for more. And she hadn't called and he could not.
Sam's meetings in DC provided an opportunity that the phone had not, and opportunity to see General Jack O'Neill face to face. After her meetings and in the midst of his busy schedule they had lunch in a small cafe away from the formality of the Pentagon.
In the past at the cabin they hadn't gone beyond a mere touch and gentle kiss but she need a sign from him that he wanted more, that he was serious, in it for the long haul. God, what she wanted was certainty – who ever gets that - life was too unpredictable.
At lunch he had kept it light and breezy but with half the afternoon gone he was reluctantly taking his leave. He had to get back to work. His hands were deep in his pockets and she felt overwhelmed at the thought it might be months if ever she was this close to him again and so she leaned in to touch his face and drop a kiss on his cheek. She saw all the artifice drop away and saw how vulnerable he was. She saw how easily he could be hurt and plainly how very much he cared for her. She fell into his arms and he crushed her to his chest. She told him what she knew as certainly as she knew any law of Physics. In the jumble of words he heard – "love... desire... want... need... you, only you".
