One, two, daddy's
coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab
your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, daddy's
back again. You lay in bed quietly, tiny
ears twitching. It seemed as if your mother had been here just
yesterday. Your father had left you in peace for the past five
months, but you knew that he wasn't fully satisfied. He never was.
He wouldn't stay away for long, and by now, you would have taken
your own life, had that not been what he wanted. You deserved this
pain. One, two, daddy's coming for
you. Three,
four, better lock your door. Seven,
eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten…
Five, six, grab your
crucifix. You looked at the clock. One
am. Climbing back into bed, you wriggled under the covers, wrapping
your tail around yourself and hugging the necklace tight. After a
while, you gently closed your eyes, humming softly in an attempt to
calm yourself. But your thoughts betrayed you. Your mind wandered
back to his touch, his voice, his unwanted caress. You had always
wanted a father that could love you, protect you from harm, but he
was the chief supplier of pain in your life. He had always hated you,
but still you tried to love him, even though you were afraid of him.
When he first started beating you, you just kept on telling yourself
that it was fine, that you did something bad and he just didn't
want you to do it again. But that day…when he victimized you so
intimately…you knew that this was wrong. And even as you tried to
push him away, you kept telling yourself that you should let him.
That maybe if you did, he would love you. He would love you and care
for you, and apologize for everything he'd done. And maybe he'd
find a way to bring your mother back as well. But thankfully you were
rescued before you were able to find out. After that, though……no.
No, you didn't want to think about that. It didn't happen, and
you did not want to ever believe that it might. A sob escaped your
throat as you hugged your pillow tighter. "Mom…" Why did she
love him? What could he possibly have told her to make her believe
that? Were you the reason he had become so abusive?
