[Author's note: First off. *Trigger warning* There will be mentions of attempted suicide and other dark themes in this story, so please approach with caution. Secondly, this fic has undergone a major rewrite, so if you are returning to it from from way back in the day, I beg you to re-read since some plot bunnies have changed and the quality of writing has changed significantly. For all the newbies: I started writing this fic before Adventure 02 was released in the US. I know this is old as crap. Therefore this will only feature the original Adventure cast and all happenings in 02 will be disregarded. Tri definitely will be disregarded, I'm not touching that thing with a ten foot pole.

The time line of the story will flash back and forth between 4 to 14 years after the gate to the digital world was closed. I'm also going complete American dub here on you guys 'cause I know it best and I'm no longer trying to fool myself. I mean, those of you who grew up on it, admit it: you'll always hear those dub voices when you read this stuff. Plus, I can never get myself to write Taichi consistently instead of Tai, I just can't! Of course, all their names are nicknames like in the dub too, so occasionally you'll see Yamato instead of Matt. ;) I love hearing from my readers, so please review with your thoughts or feel free to message me with any questions. – Tanya]


Illusive Dreams

For Truth makes holy Love's illusive dreams,
And their best promise constantly redeems.
- Henry Tuckerman

Chapter One


August 13, 2003

...

The cavern reeked of death.

It overwhelmed the musty rock and damp leaves, but he couldn't see it. His eyes, frosted to a strange icy blue, danced over everything without taking it in, searching for something that had never been there in the first place.

Then reality fluttered away as easily as their lives had.

He turned, his steps echoing against the stone floor until the toe of his boot touched flesh. For a long moment he stared: fingertips grazing his sole, everything red. The denial slipped from his lips, voiceless.

Outside the sunshine reflected in the freshly fallen snow. Each drag of his feet left stains of sin behind him, scarlet blotches in a white veil. He collapsed. The cold soaked into his knees, ice bit his palms, snow scraped his elbows.

Screams filled the air, but they were only met by silence.

...


March 5, 2013

...

Things hadn't changed. The roads still turned the same ways, the oldest shops and restaurants held firm in the same old buildings, the familiar advertisements and pictures of Japanese cuisine stirred memories in her chest.

It was the faces that were different. Not one was the same.

The old Odaiba apartments were hardly touched by age and it took a great deal of self-talk to keep herself from wandering down the wrong hallway to that old familiar home. Tai didn't live there anymore and his family moved not long after he was gone.

Heels clicked on concrete and the wheels of a rolling bag scraped behind her as the view of the towering Ferris wheel met her back. The numbers in the hall passed in a blur until she found herself at the right door. Her hand hovered for a moment, fingers shaking.

She stopped them with a flick of her wrist and took a long deep breath.

A whisper to herself. "You've got this, Mimi." Her whole body wiggled. "Shake out those nerves. Oh!"

She unzipped her bag and cosmetics and clothes spilled to floor. After a few aggravated tugs and she had finally freed a souvenir from the tightly packed luggage.

The door opened before she could knock. He looked down at her with sharp blue eyes.

"Need help?"

Mimi gave the present an exasperated poke to get it back in shape. She stood and held out the offering, still rattled with nerves. "For you!"

The baseball cap smashed over a head of blonde hair, pushing bangs over rising brows. "Yankees?"

"I live in New York."

"I like the Red Sox." A playful grin. "How do I look?"

Mimi gave him a long look: he towered over her, his round baby cheeks now chiseled and thin, fatigue drawn under his eyes like shadows, hope and determination ciphered through years of being utterly alone. Tears bit at Mimi's eyes as she beamed a smile.

"All grown up."

He laughed, the heel of his palm pawing away the water in his eyes. "And still a crybaby." A long sigh. "It's great to see you, Mimi."

"You too, TK."

The apartment was a mess: unfolded laundry was piled on what must have been a couch underneath, dirty dishes overflowed from the sink to the counters, and take out boxes were strewn across the dining room table, almost burying a laptop and a mound of notebook paper filled with scribbles. But what caught Mimi's eye were the newspaper clippings that were scattered all over the rug.

"Are you sure you don't want to hang out awhile before we go?" TK asked. "You must have some pretty bad jet-lag. We can always head over tomorrow. He won't know the difference."

Mimi's eyes slipped over the newsprint, catching words that took hers away.

TK propped her suitcase against a wall and started to pick random objects off the floor. "Sorry about the mess. I've been really busy trying to finish my book." He grabbed the newspaper articles.

"Can I…?" she asked

TK paused and the old paper creased in his hand. He handed it over. "I've been trying to piece everything together. His therapist thought it'd help."

Missing Children Presumed Dead, Young Suspect Charged with Murder
February 12, 2004

Six months after four Odaiba children were declared missing, 16-year-old Yamato Ishida is charged with their murder. The sister of missing 16-year-old Taichi Kamiya came forward to police earlier this week, declaring herself as an eyewitness to the murder of her brother, although a body has yet to be found. Ishida was committed to an in-patient psychiatric hospital soon after their disappearance. "The prosecution is seeking to try my client as an adult, but we're fighting to change that," said Ishida's lawyer. "He has no prior criminal record. He's a sick kid, not a murderer." Ishida will remain under psychiatric care until his trial later this month.

"Did Kari ever testify?" asked Mimi.

TK nodded. His cheeks tightened above a clenched jaw. "It didn't matter. There wasn't enough evidence and since she wasn't there to see the actual…" He placed the pile of articles in a neat stack on the coffee table. "It's for the best. Matt needs help, not a prison cell."

Mimi watched TK filter through the articles and pull out a few, shoving them into a bag on the floor.

"Matt doesn't really remember much about the year after the others disappeared. His doctor is trying to slowly introduce everything to him again. Ground him, you know?" TK flashed a pained smile. "I think seeing you will help."

Mimi nodded wordlessly as he threw on a coat and strung the bag over his shoulder.

"You sure you're ready?" he asked.

"I'm sure."

The pair left the apartment and walked in tense silence to Tokyo Institute of Mental Health.

He followed the nurse through the halls of the deranged, unflinching at the sights of mental chaos that unnerved his companion so much she looked near tears.

A patient with wild eyes passed them by, mumbling obscenities to an unknown source, and Mimi's hand circled TK's wrist. He could feel her trembling and he slid his hand around hers and gave it a squeeze. There was a time in his past that he had felt the same as she had, completely overwhelmed and helpless in a place he never thought he would have to visit.

Now this place was like a second home and its white, deteriorating walls covered in motivational posters, with its strange unstable roommates, were his brother's only home now.

They reached the common room and TK could see the outline of Matt's hunched form hovering over a keyboard, one of the few musical instruments deemed safe enough for the patients. A soft melody flooded through the senseless muttering and carried over the voices from the group class that took place down the hall. A few patients gathered around, taking in the music, while others shouted at him to shut up.

"Mr. Ishida, you have visitors," said the nurse. "Your brother brought his girlfriend," she added, smiling coyly at them.

TK ruffled the hair at the back of his head. "Just a friend," he mumbled, but Mimi had only tightened her trembling grip on his fingers.

The music stopped.

Matt turned over his shoulder. Patchy blond stubble lined his chin and the usual shade of gray outlined the bags beneath his eyes. Matt's doctor had explained the intensity of his brother's night terrors to TK once; nightmares that caused him thrash so wildly that he was often restrained. The doctor prescribed sleeping pills, but they never seemed to help.

"Hi Matt." TK forced a smile as his brother approached them, clad in a dingy sweatshirt and a pair of pajama pants. It must not have been one of his better mornings. When Matt had a bad night, he tended not to dress himself. Sometimes he would stay in pajamas for days at a time when the depression set in.

TK tried to pry his fingers from Mimi's grip. "How are you doing?"

Matt's eyes wandered to their clasped hands. "Better." His voice was gruff from lack of use. "I think. I haven't had any episodes for a few days. New hat?"

TK tugged at the Yankees cap on his head. "Yeah, a souvenir."

Blue eyes flashed to Mimi's face. "I know you."

"Matt..." Her voice strangled, fingers slowly unwinding from TK's grasp.

The recognition transformed into shock and for a brief moment TK wondered if the appearance of their old friend would trigger his brother's delusions, but Matt's voice came out with a strange warmth.

"Mimi?"

In a fit of emotion, Mimi threw herself into him, arms encircling his middle, loosing tears into his chest. "I should have come home. I'm so sorry. I should have called or wrote... I should've been there." Her last words hung between them. "I should have been there, Matt."

Pain crawled like a disease onto his face, his lanky body stiff in her embrace, fingers frozen inches from touching her honey hair.

"You're not wearing pink."

A tearful laugh broke through Mimi's outburst and she released him, wiping away the lines of mascara from beneath her eyes with her fingertips. "I grew out of that, I guess."

Matt's voice lifted like a question. "You grew up."

"So did you." Mimi gave his shoulder a playful touch, still sniffing. She did the same to TK, comparing their heights. "You're both so tall now."

Matt turned to his brother. "You didn't tell me she was coming."

"I did," said TK. "Last week, remember?"

It was obvious by the confusion in Matt's eyes that he didn't, but he said, "oh, yeah" anyway.

The announcement of Mimi's visit had followed a particularly emotional hallucination. It was the only time TK had been able to visit his brother before she arrived. He had spoken to Matt's doctor briefly about their old friend's decision to reappear into their lives and the doctor had decided reuniting with a friend so close to the events that had triggered Matt's delusions may help aid in his recovery. It was good, because once Mimi had set her mind on seeing Matt again, there was not much TK could say to stop her.

"Are you still singing?" Matt asked.

Mimi shook her head, fingernails cutting close to her eyelids. "I haven't sung much since…" She turned to TK.

TK watched understanding hammer through his brother's fragile barrier.

"I'm sorry..." Matt's shaking hand straggled its way through his hair, gripping it in agony. "I'm so sorry, Mimi."

"No, Matt. You didn't do it. You couldn't have."

"I don't know."

The phrase was so honest, always so honest, that TK truly believed that his brother couldn't remember what happened during that fateful camping trip almost ten years ago.

"You have to remember. I know it wasn't you, Matt. They were your friends… you'd never hurt them."

"But I have… I've hurt you all before."

"That's not the same; you and Tai were always fighting," Mimi argued. Then, lowering her voice, she added, "Cherrymon manipulated you. You were just a kid."

There was a strange flicker in Matt's eyes and his gaze shot to something beyond. TK turned around to find nothing but an empty hallway.

Matt gave an angry shout. "Don't say that!"

Mimi flinched. "We were kids..."

"No!" Matt stumbled back, hand flying forward. "Just go away, stop coming here!"

"Matt, it's not real." TK took a slow step toward Mimi and gently tugged her behind him. "I'm real. Just breathe and look at me." His hand cupped Matt's shoulder.

Matt shrunk under his touch. "Don't touch me!" His gaze still locked on the vision they couldn't see. Matt's hands cradled his head, eyes closing and popping open again. "I can't stop seeing him." A moment of calm as he listened to a voice that wasn't there. "You don't understand, they weren't going to hurt me, I needed them! I didn't know they would…I didn't know!"

"Matt!" TK yelled.

Tears dropped from Matt's eyes, crashed in pieces on his cheeks, wetting his lips. Batting away an invisible predator, his hand flew into a bookcase. It came back covered in blood.

The nurse and two attendants came upon him then, one holding syringe. "Ishida, you need to relax, you're scaring the other patients," demanded a burly man in scrubs.

"Please leave me alone. Tai, please, I can't, I can't, I'm sorry," Matt sobbed, stumbling.

Mimi's hands shot to her mouth.

One of the attendants grabbed hold of Matt's arms.

"No! Don't let him take me! TK!" Matt met his brother's eyes and TK looked away.

The nurse shoved the needle into his arm, spilling the sedative into his bloodstream.

Matt's voice slowly decreased in volume. "TK! TK, TK..." His gaze drifted off again as the sedative began to take hold. "I have to save him. Puppet—" A strange break in his rant, as if he knew he needed to hold back. "He took TK, we have to…"

His body spasmed, a short, violent struggle before it finally gave into the medication. TK helped the attendants heave Matt's limp form onto a couch where he slumped back heavily, eyes glossy with drugs.

"Yamato…" a gruff voice soothed. TK looked up to see Matt's doctor approaching. His long white coat trailed over black slacks and his face was covered with a graying beard. "You need to take your pills. The nurse found a few days worth under your mattress. I hate having to do this."

Matt's glazed eyes glanced at the doctor briefly. "Pills… make me hazy…"

"You feel worse now though, don't you?"

Slow tears squeezed through his eyelids.

"When the sedative wears off we're going to have a meeting in my office." The doctor turned to TK and gave his shoulder a pat before addressing the distraught woman cowering behind him.

"You must be Mimi."

Mimi gave a nod and rubbed a hand across her face.

"Come back when Yamato's on his medication. I think speaking with you will help him, but we need him stable first."

"Okay," Mimi sniffed. She watched Matt struggle beneath the heavy weight of the sedative. TK could tell that the hallucinations had continued beneath, trapping Matt in a world where he could only watch the horrors he had endured and do nothing to fight them.

TK slowly slipped the bag off his shoulder and handed it to the doctor. "When he's feeling better…"

The doctor smiled. "Of course."

"Matt," TK murmured, watching his brother's disoriented gaze wander, "We'll come back later, okay? I'll be back soon."

Glazed eyes attempted to meet his, but Matt couldn't quite focus. "Sorry… I'm sorry."

"I know. Get some rest."

Mimi looked like she wanted to say something, but she only tearfully followed TK and the nurse back out into the lobby. It was there where Mimi collapsed into his arms, overcome by the emotional reunion with the man charged with the murder of their four friends, crying about the unfairness of it all. TK realized then that despite her grown appearance, she was still the scared little girl that didn't want to fight, the same little girl that he used to play with in the digital world.

Some things never changed.

Everything else did.