Title: The Great
Psychological Escape
Author: TWBasketcase
Rated:
T for language and random other events.
Disclaimer: I am a
piss poor piece of shit who owns no one seen here.
Summary:
Group therapy, couples counseling, and one and one sessions. Meet the
psychopaths of the breakfast club presented by the one and only
Richard Hashimoto!
Warning: This story may contain language
and dark humor. I will more than likely offend you. So if you are
sensitive, I suggest that you stop reading right here.
A/N:
Hello guys! Remember me? Well I am back with another crazy humor fic.
If you enjoyed 'Running with the Devil', you will probably like
this too. I am writing way too much angst right now – going through
writer's blocks – so, my muse has given birth to this. I
apologize in advance.
A/N 2: This probably won't have
very long chapters, and the characters and their situations will be
poked fun at and exaggerated. Don't bother reviewing to tell me
that it is unrealistic or stupid. I already know that and I don't
need you to tell me. I am writing this for my own retarded pleasure.
So without further ado, here is chapter one and please enjoy!
Chapter One – Strength and Speed like a Race Horse
Richard Hashimoto stood in front of his certified plaque with a proud grin. It had been exactly fifteen years since he had graduated from his psychology and sociology program. He had worked very hard for four long, excruciating years to get this far. He was now the head guidance councilor at Shermer High School! What other man in the entire city could say that he had accomplished the same accomplishment?
He wanted to go that extra mile; he felt so great that he was now the man in charge of his department and he wanted to show his superiors that they had made the right choice. He had a list of names that he knew could use his help! He just knew that if he put in the extra effort, the group of kids would be thanking him for the rest of their lives.
He looked at his reflection in the tinted glass of the plaque; he wouldn't call himself a great looking guy. Wrinkles and other creases were clearly visible in his cheeks in forehead; he had very bushy eyebrows, great big coke bottle glasses, a grey/brown toupee, and a crooked smile. Of course his scrawny body and short legs didn't help much in the looks department either, but it got him by. He just knew that Doris, his secretary, liked him. He just knew it!
He walked over to his desk and sat in his great big forest green leather recliner. The back stood almost an entire foot over the top of his head, while his large mahogany oak desk stood up to the middle of his chest. He didn't look like a very big man when he sat down. He frowned and patted down his 'hair'.
"Mr. Hashimoto?" A low, nasally voice erupted from the gold desk speaker on his desk.
He grinned happily. "Doris! How are you today my special flower?"
He heard a choking noise on the other end. "Um…what?" He rolled his eyes playfully. Now Doris was just playing hard to get.
"You heard me, Poopsie! What is it that you would like?" He asked in his most charming and pleasant voice. He knew it wasn't much considering he had a bit of a problem with his voice not crackling.
"You have one of your brats here…he says he assaulted another boy's ass." Hashimoto blushed at her words.
"Now, now Doris! There is no need for the sexuality over the speaker. If you would like to speak in my office with me that would be just super!" He adjusted the bow tie of his suit and grinned.
"I think I'll just send the kid in, sir." Her sweet and stuck up voice cackled over the intercom and buzzed out. Richard smiled at the thought of Doris and waited for the door to open up.
A few seconds later the door was pushed open swiftly and an uneasy looking blonde haired boy stepped into his office. He had his finger on his chin as he viewed the old fashioned décor of the room. When his eyes settled on Richard he frowned. "Are you Mr. Hashimoto?"
Richard smiled brightly. "Sure! And your name is Mandy Cark?"
The boy's noise scrunched up. "Andrew Clark." He corrected.
"Super!" Richard flipped open a manila folder and scribbled down the boys name. He had his special Shermer High Wolves clicky pen. "So what is it that brings you down to my office, Andrew?"
The boy's face scrunched up again and he stared at Richard with great confusion. "Um, you requested that I come down here and speak to you. My teacher…"
"Oh nonsense!" Richard waved his hands in the air playfully. "Don't you worry about that. Now, what I would like to talk about is your feelings, Andrew. Would that be okay?"
Andrew slowly took a seat in front of Richard in a small wooden chair. He seemed uncomfortable. "Um, I guess so…"
"Okay, well feelings are a natural sensation that the body feels when the brain is stimulated by certain actions or thoughts. It is perfectly normal for people to feel different feelings. Wouldn't you agree?" Richard scribbled on the folder.
"Well, I guess it all depends on what it is they are feeling. Violent feelings aren't normal I guess…" Andy pushed his fingers through his short blonde hair and let out a deep breath.
Hashimoto cheered silently. "Right you are Andrew! Which is exactly why I brought you down here today! I want to know exactly what happened to Larry Lester!"
Andrew's frown deepened and his cheeks turned a little red. "Well…uh…what do you want to know?"
Hashimoto folded his hands together and smiled warmly. "What did you do to his bum, Andrew?"
Andy's eyes widened in shock and he swallowed. "Well he was getting changed next to me. For some reason he was naked – which is VERY weird now that I think about it; we hadn't even started gym yet, so I have NO idea why THAT happened."
Richard scrawled a few lines in Andrew's file. "And how did this nakedness make you feel? Were you embarrassed? Were you jealous? Upset?"
Andrew's face looked horrified! "God no! It was nothing like that! I just hated how he acted so unfazed and uncaring about gym class and whether or not he succeeded! The fact that he was naked had nothing to do with it!"
Richard tsk'ed him. "Andrew, Andrew I know that this is hard to admit! At your age feelings and arousals can be a very confusing time for you! It is totally natural!"
Andy shook his head – hard. "Listen Mr. Hashimoto! My father is always breathing down my neck about being a winner and pushing me to my limits. Larry didn't care about that dog crap. He just goofed off, failed, and laughed about it! He is a scrawny little weakling who deserved it!" Andrew seethed at Richard's casual face.
"Andrew, you hurt his bum. Larry may have deserved a talking to, or even a slap in the face. But you did not have any right to give his derrière the Brazilian treatment! What we need to figure out is not where your anger stemmed from, but why you did what you did."
"But my dad…" Andrew began to complain angrily.
Richard shook his head. "No Andrew. Your father may be the source of your anger, but we need to figure out where the feelings deep within you brought out a sadomasochist."
Andrew's eyes widened. "Is that what I am? I never thought I was a pervert…"
Richard nodded his head solemnly and referred back to his grade twelve psychology course. What? He is a guidance councilor, not a psychiatrist! "Yes, I believe so Andrew. You take the emotional beating with grace every day from your father, and in turn take those feelings and release them in a satisfying way!"
Andrew sighed in defeat. "Oh no…"
Richard nodded. "Oh yes, Andrew. I believe we figured out the source of your problem. It makes a great deal of sense. Larry's creamy, hairy body was there for the taking and you pounced on the opportunity. In your mind you thought he needed to be punished for you."
Andy bit his lip. "This whole time I just thought I was mad at my dad…and extremely disturbed by the fact that he was casually naked for no apparent reason. I guess I was wrong…and that I really am messed up!" He covered his face with his hands.
Richard smiled graciously. "Its okay, son. The average person is a little messed up some form or another."
Andy nodded and looked back up at him. "Well, how are you messed up, sir?"
Richard waved his hand dismissively and smiled at him. "Andy, I'm not the average person. I am not messed up. Just you and everyone you know."
Andy groaned and slumped in his chair. "Well while we're here…I have something else I need to talk about. I am worried about my behavior."
"Go on." He leaned back in his chair and stared at the blonde haired boy intensely. He was glad that he was doing some real counseling now. His superiors would be so proud!
"Well, a few Saturdays ago I tried drugs for the first time. I know that you think that I may be a real juvenile now, but…" Andy sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I just flipped out. I danced around and jumped…I hit my chest like a gorilla! I think I may have some inner issues that I need…"
Richard scribbled madly in Andrew's file; it was all coming together now. "Okay Andrew, and how did you feel under the influence of drugs?"
"Well I got so excited that I broke the door – with my voice. There was so much smoke and I didn't even notice that the others were watching…things just got a bit out of hand."
Richard drew a small diagram, a stick person, and then a math equation. "Well Andrew, I think that I have drawn up a proper diagnosis for you." He tilted up the paper and Andrew stared at it quizzically. It was obvious to Richard that the boy needed some explanation.
"Well Andrew, the diagram here represents a box. You are trapped inside the box. The stick person here," He pointed to the said drawing and gave him a serious face. "…it represents all those that are trapped outside the box. Including these 'others' that you speak of, Larry, and your father. You hate them all for being out there. You want to hurt them and make them feel your pain." He sat up closer and showed him the equation. "This is the probability of me being right. 1:1. It all makes sense now, Andrew."
Andrew looked completely baffled at Hashimoto's revelations. "So what is your diagnosis, sir?"
Richard gave him a grave look and closed the folder in front of him. "I think you may be classified as a sadomasochistic, schizophrenic delinquent. There may also be some homosexuality hidden beneath it all. Most boys would never touch another boy's bottom."
Andrew cocked an eyebrow. "Where did the schizophrenia come from?"
Richard regarded him as if it were obvious. "Your voice told you to break the door? Andrew, I know that it may be hard to believe, but you broke the door on your own. The voices are not to blame."
"But it was MY voice…" Andrew tried to interrupt.
Richard shook his head and raised a hand to stop him. "Andy, I know this is hard to take this all in, but we can find ways to help you. I recommend that you come and see me at least three times a week during your study break."
Andy nodded somberly and stood from his seat. "I don't know what to say to you, sir."
Richard patted the stronger boy on the shoulder. "You will in due time, son. For now, we work on progress. Things will look up from here on out." He reached in his drawer and pulled out a large pin button. It had a picture on the front of a grinning sun shining in the sky. Beneath it, it read 'Don't Worry, Be Happy!" He held it out to Andrew who seemed rather confused by it. "If you wear this on your shirt, it will serve as a reminder to keep all of those abnormal feelings inside of you!"
Andy frowned and blinked. "I don't think I should be caught dead wearing something like…"
"Andrew, don't you remember your condition? You NEED to keep yourself in check, please." Richard leaned over and pinned it to Andy's shirt and began to shoo him out the door. "Get going now, please. You will be late for lunch."
Andy left without saying a word, and frowned his whole way out the door. Richard smiled to himself and returned to his desk. He felt extremely pleased with himself that he was able to put his skills to use and help out a struggling youth.
It was days like these that his oh so important job really did pay off.
TBC
A/N: I'm screwed up, I know. I hope there are people out there that share my twisted sense of humor. If so, please review and tell me what you think! There is plenty more to come where that came from! (Scarily enough…)
