Hide and Seek
Summary: (post 3x22) They both hold onto a relationship that deteriorates by the day. What neither of them know is that their reasons for not being able to let go are strongly derived from this feeling that everyone seems to call love. BL.
A/N: Nothing much to say about this fic, other then that I expect it to be fairly long. I've been toying with the idea of a BL fic from season 4, if they had stayed together. So, enjoy!
Chapter 1: World's Apart
To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
- Madonna
She's been a wild child since she hit adolescence. Like wind on the water, Brooke Davis ricochets through life with no apparent pattern, careening past corners and speeding past doors without a sideways glance. But when she hits a wall, she falls. She falls, but won't admit that she bleeds. So she continues to recklessly wander around, continuously wounded.
Her recklessness translates to her driving ability as well, which is why the fact that she narrowly misses slamming her VW Bug into a mailbox in front of Nathan and Haley's building, isn't really anything new. Ignoring the skid marks on the pavement from her parallel parking gone awry, she steps out of the car and ascends the steps to the apartment complex.
The number is 2B, and she could find her way to the door with her eyes closed. She raps silently against the red wood, and it's perhaps two minutes before Haley opens the door.
"Hey, I know it's late, and it's been a long day, but, I need to talk to you."
Haley's hair is up now, although still wavy from the wedding. Brooke feels a pang of guiltiness because it seems as though she's woken her friend up, but Haley obligingly steps aside to let the brunette in.
"Nathan's asleep, so if you came to talk about the pregnancy test, feel free."
Haley's words are unexpected, but Brooke softens as she notes the anxiety in her friend's voice.
"It's just, Lucas found the test today, and, well, he think it's me."
Haley sighs. "I guess that's just a sign that I should suck it up and go to the doctor. It's just, part of me…" her words trail off into nothing.
Brooke nods. She's been in this position before. The unawareness, the apprehension and trepidation. "Part of you doesn't really want to know, right? Because that will make it more real?"
There is a silence – an understanding between the two girls. Because even though when she was in this situation, Brooke was a year younger, less settled and focused, and broken up with the phantom baby's father, she can feel the emotions that Haley feels at this moment. And Brooke knows, that back then she would have given anything to just have a friend with her.
"Come on, I'll drive."
;;;
Lucas Scott is a planner. He's a writer, and a reader, and a thinker. He over evaluates to the extreme, and when things don't go according to plan, he falls. He falls, and doesn't quite know how to pick himself back up.
It's around 9 pm when Skills calls him. Lucas can hear Ryan Adams in the background, a Rock and Roll musician Skills has never been able to ignore.
"It's bad, Luke."
Lucas rolls onto his back on the bed, and stares up at the ceiling. How much worse could this day really get?
"Bad, like 50 Cent giving up music cause Kanye sold more records, or bad like Tupac got shot."
"The latter, man. This is bad. I've got Bevin here, and…here B, you tell him." There's a shuffling and Lucas hears arguing in the background before Skills gets back on the line. "She says she can't do it."
"Do what?" Lucas is getting frustrated, and the longer he waits for this big reveal, the more anxious he gets for Skills to tell him. "Dude, just tell me what's going on."
A pause. A long pause. And then: "Apparently Theresa saw Brooke coming out of Planned Parenthood about a half hour ago."
Lucas is only vaguely aware of hanging up, but not at all of the seconds following the reveal. It's as if a rug has been ripped out from under him, and all the events of the day have faded away. All he sees passing in front of him, like one of those slideshows you apparently see when you die, is a girl in a red dress, with chocolate brown hair and plump lips. And she's crying, crying a river, but he hasn't been able to understand why. Until this moment, he was a planner. Now, Lucas Scott is just lost.
;;;
She doesn't even know why she's here. It's dumb really, but it's not like she has anywhere else to go. Her former best friend can't really hate her anymore than she already does. So the blonde runs to the boy who's never really turned her down, something Peyton Sawyer either takes for granted, or takes advantage of. She's not really sure which.
Nobody ever really knocks in Tree Hill, so he doesn't really seem surprised when she opens the side door to his bedroom. Then she realizes that he's just standing in the center of the room, his coat shrugged onto his shoulders, staring at a fairly uninteresting piece of the carpet, and that she could probably throw a book at him and he wouldn't notice.
"Luke, are you okay?" She feels a little bit guilty for touching him, but she guides him into a chair and kneels down in front of him. "Lucas?" she asks again when he doesn't respond. "Can you hear me?"
He nods, and finally tears his gaze away from the carpet. "I'm just…tired, that's all."
Tired. She knows there's something he isn't telling her, and Peyton can't help but feeling a little wounded that he won't tell her what's wrong. And looking at him now, with his sandy blue eyes and soft blonde hair, she realizes how painful it's going to be to get over him. To give him up. As if he was hers to begin with. But she understands that she needs to.
"Do you want me to go? I'll come back later…"
;;;
He really doesn't need her here right now. Not with the death stares Brooke was sending her at the wedding. And Lucas understands that it's wrong to cut Peyton out of his life just because she's fighting with Brooke, but the new development of this evening has made it completely unnecessary for him to talk to anyone but his girlfriend.
"Do you want me to go? I'll come back later…" Her words trail off, as if she's unsure, but Lucas just nods.
And what happens next is one of those moments where honestly, it's just a matter of bad timing. Bad timing, added to the fact that the girl who walks through the door next, also without knocking, currently despises the girl who reaches up to hug Lucas.
Peyton can feel Lucas tense as Brooke walks through the door. He straightens, pushing Peyton away, and turns to his girlfriend.
"Hey Brooke, we were just…"
"I'd like to talk to my boyfriend…alone."
She's hurt – Peyton can hear it in her voice. But if anyone can hide pain, it's Brooke Davis. And if anyone can speak with venom in their voice, that person is Brooke Davis.
She's been fiery and independent since the day she was born – Peyton knows that. And in a weird way, past all the pain and heartache she gets from every look her former best friend shoots at her, the blonde almost feels proud of Brooke. Proud, and perhaps a little bit jealous, that Brooke knows herself so well, at just 17.
;;;
Peyton walks out of the door without a backwards glance. She's been strong and decisive since the day she was born – Brooke knows that. And in a strange way, past all the anger she feels every time she looks the curly blonde in the eyes, the dimples girl almost feels proud of Peyton. Proud, and perhaps a little bit jealous, that Peyton knows herself so well, at just 17.
Brooke Davis has never felt so lost.
They stand together, in his room, which all of a sudden feels so small, and they're only a few feet away from each other, but somehow Brooke still feels worlds apart from him.
"Brooke." He walks up to her, and speaks in a strangled voice, grabbing a hold of her wrist, but gently. "I need to ask you something."
She's taken aback by the pain in his eyes. Brooke knows it's been a long day, but he seems more worn down than he did earlier, like he's seen the whole world in the past few hours. She wants to outline his forehead, creased with worry, and kiss him, and hold him, and taste him, but she can't. She won't let herself.
"Brooke," he repeats, and cuts into her gaze with his icy blue eyes. "I just got off the phone with Skills. He said, well, he said Bevin saw you coming out of Planned Parenthood earlier."
She considers lying. For a split second, Brooke considers telling him that she's pregnant, because she wants him to feel something. Something other than this vision of love that he has so prevalently in his head. She wants him to worry about her – about them.
"I told him I was pregnant…but I lied. I'm not pregnant. I just – wanted to scare him."
Rachel's words from earlier ring loudly in Brooke's head. She sags and kindly pulls her arm away. "It's Haley, Luke. Haley's pregnant."
"Oh."
;;;
Something crashes down over him. Waves of relief, and sadness, and shock, and grief, and confusion, all so simultaneously that he can't decipher between them, nor decide how he even feels about the situation.
"Oh," he repeats, and steps back, slightly. Haley. His best friend. The girl who's face he used to rub his smelly armpits in. Haley.
She interrupts his thoughts with a little "ermph," and he looks up. It's not until now that he notes the duffle bag slung over her shoulder.
"I um, kind-of need a place to stay."
She's timid and shy, and won't meet his eyes, but Lucas is more than pleased that she's come to him. Without hesitating, he lifts the duffle from her shoulder and deposits it on the floor. "You don't even have to ask, pretty girl." He expects the nickname to put the shine back in her eyes, but she just smiles a polite, dimple-less smile, the kind she gives to teachers she's sucking up to. "You're always welcome in my room."
She eyes the bed nervously, as if she's forgotten that they're even in a relationship, and she seems so withdrawn that he's almost afraid to touch her.
"Actually," she says, clearing her throat. "I should probably go talk to your mom."
She leaves him in the room, and he just stands there for a few minutes, baffled. Lucas, always prepared, doesn't quite know how to interpret her behavior. Brooke's snuck into his room countless times before to spend the night, but he figures that she's just tired, and that it's been a long day. Hopefully things would be better in the morning.
;;;
Karen is finishing the dinner dishes as Brooke walks into the kitchen. She turns when she hears the shuffling of feet against tile.
"Hi Brooke," says Karen with a warm smile. "I wasn't expecting you here so late."
"Actually, I kind-of was wondering if I could stay on your couch tonight…"
Brooke hates to impose, but Karen is full of understanding, as she assures Brooke that it's fine. She tries to ask the teenager what happened with Peyton but Brooke politely says that it's been a long day, and that she'd probably be more apt to talk about it the next morning.
"Shouldn't you call your parents?" Karen asks after a minute.
Brooke sighs. She had been expecting this. "I'll call them tomorrow, I promise. I can't deal with them tonight. It's too…tiring. I'll talk to them tomorrow…I promise," she repeats, seeing the look on the elder brunette's face.
Karen lets the matters go, and directs Brooke to Lucas to get sheets and blankets for the couch. Upon her entering the bedroom, Lucas immediately tries to offer his bed.
"You take my bed, Brooke. I don't mind the couch, really."
"Don't be ridiculous, Luke," she says. "I'll be fine."
He sighs and moves to the closet. Gathering linens from the top shelf, he deposits the bedding into her arms. Then, it's just a few moments of silence as the two stand somewhat awkwardly in the center of the room.
It's just been one day – barely 12 hours, and suddenly she feels like their entire relationship has changed. It's as if Peyton's confession has put up some unbreakable wall between Brooke and Lucas, and Brooke can't figure out how to get rid of it. She can still feel his words from their earlier fight ringing in her ears, and she can still taste the champagne on his lips from the kiss they shared during their dance. And she doesn't understand how he can be so close, and yet so far away.
"Well, goodnight." He bends over, and leans in to kiss her. She turns her head, just barely, so that he catches the edge of her lips, and most of her cheek. And though the twist of her head is barely noticeable or significant, it kills her to see the look in his eyes as he pulls away.
;;;
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