Sorry to anyone who had me on author alert - you are about to get a few e-mails.
This is reposted.
I love my life. I love my life. I love my life. I love my life. I love my life.
I repeat this to myself five times in the mirror every morning, an attempt to make myself believe it. I honestly don't have any reason to complain about my life. To anyone looking in, I have the perfect life. I have the perfect job, the perfect family, the perfect husband. I married my high school sweetheart right out of high school, and had been happily married ever since.
Or so it seemed.
In reality, the cracks had started to appear not that long after our wedding. We augured more; we made hushed spiteful comments when no one was listening. And now, ten years later, we barely spoke. I look in the mirror, my hair is down and shiny, my face, flawless. I plaster a big smile on my face, and check that it looks genuine.
Bang, bang, bang.
I jump at the sudden noise ringing through the room.
"Yes?" I call out. It's silent for a moment, before he answered.
"We have to leave soon, are you ready?" I look back at the mirror. Was I ready? My outside mask seems to be in place, I seem ready to fool everyone once more.
"Yes, I'm ready." I sigh as I reach for my bag. I pull the door open and he's still stood outside. His bronze hair is brushed back neatly for once. Just another mark of how he has changed. His suite is well fitting, and cuts his body well. He really is beautiful, the only thing that is the same. I try to smile at him, but it comes out as more of a grimace. This is going to be a long night.
We're celebrating our ten year anniversary. Everyone is going to expect us to be happy and cuddly all night. All I want is to be as far away from his as possible.
There has to be a way out of this.
I walk pass him without making any comment. I do have a way out of it, but after weeks of planning it, I'm still not sure if I can go through with it. The card with the number on it is still in my bag, one call and I would be able to get out of this and finally live the life I want. But I don't know if I can do that to him – or myself.
I hear the front door open, it's a signal that I'm taking to long. I walk pass him, and he doesn't look at me.
The drive is silent and I face the window the whole time. I stare at his reflation, and think about the eighteen year old that I married and wonder what happened to him. Then I catch my own refection and wonder what happened to that happy eighteen-year-old girl that he married. She would be so ashamed is she knew what the twenty-eight year old her was planning to do to the man she loved so much.
Everyone cheers as we leave the car. They come over, hug, and congratulate us. I smile and thank everyone for their well wishes.
Half way through the party, I lock myself into the bathroom. I feel like I'm suffocating, like everyone is pressing in on me. I pull out the card and stare at it for a full ten minutes before pulling out my phone and dialing the number.
It rings four times before she answers.
"Hello?"
I'm silent for a moment. trying find the breath I need to answer her.
"Hello, this is Mrs. Cullen. I rang a few weeks ago."
"Ah yes, I was starting to think that you had changed your mind." I shake my head, then realize that she can't see me.
"No, I haven't. I just wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing," I say into the phone. I can see my reflection in the mirror. I look away. I don't want to watch myself do this.
"And are you sure now?" she asks.
"Yes, yes I am."
We arrange to meet up the next day and go through the arrangements. I take a deep breath and walk back out to the party.
"There you are!" I hear Esme shout from behind me. I turn and try to smile. I fell immediately guilty as I look at her. What would she do if she found out what I had planned for her son?
"Its time for the speeches." She grabs onto my arm and drags me along to the stage. He is already on the stage, looking quietly confident. I step up next to him, and try not to flinch as he takes my hand in his. Carlisle is making a speech, telling the room how we were living proof that young marriages can work.
I look out at the sea of people smiling up at us.
How could they not see? How could so many people be fooled?
I feel dizzy and wobble a little. Nobody notices, well nobody but him. He holds me steady and for a moment I remember what it used to be like, I remember what I used to feel.
But it only lasts a second. He moves his hand and the memories leave with it.
And I know that I'm going to go through with it.
"So I would like to ask you all to raise your glass to the happy couple," he finishes as he turns to us with his glass raised.
"To Edward and Alice," he shouts.
"To Edward and Alice," the crowd shouts back.
To Edward and Alice, I think to myself.
But for the last time.
