A/N: This is my gift for McGregorsWench as part of Darcyland Secret Santa 2016. Please note, this story is NOT Civil War compliant. Civil War DID NOT happen here. They all had a pizza party instead.
Of the many great quandaries that can afflict one in their everyday life, some are considerably more rare than others. In fact, some are downright unheard of. Some only exist because just one of the seven billion people on earth found themselves in a situation so far outside the norm that even within the realm of fantasy, it's simply too absurd to consider.
When faced with such a conundrum, as some scientists would say, one must first look at all the different components working together to create the larger whole.
COMPONENT NO. 1: Darcy Lewis
From a young age, Darcy learned one very important thing from Grandma Connie: the world is a strange place, and strange shit will happen to you if you if you don't watch your step. While Darcy's mother had kind of flipped her lid when she heard her six year old repeat that word for word, it was a personal philosophy Darcy did her best to live by.
That was why when she was in college, and the only good internship opportunity came from a possibly crazy lady looking for wormholes in the desert, Darcy just rolled with it. Jane turned out to be pretty awesome and relatively sane, so it worked out well for her this time. The part about wormholes and also literal aliens being real also helped. It was the most eventful summer of Darcy's life, and now that shady government agencies were getting involved and offering checks with many zeroes for her to continue assisting Jane with her research, it didn't look like the season would be ending anytime soon.
She called Grandma Connie first thing. They'd made a promise years ago to never keep any secrets from each other, and just because there were god-aliens and secret agents involved didn't mean Darcy was going to go back on it.
"That's amazing, Dar," Grandma Connie said, followed by a raspy laugh. All those years of fashionable cigarette smoking had just started catching up to her with her recent emphysema diagnosis. "Always knew you'd be a magnet for crazy. Just like me when I was your age."
"Yeah, but I might not be able to call you much for a while, Grandma," said Darcy, peering through the curtains to make sure Jane's trailer wasn't under surveillance. "These SHIELD guys mean business, let me tell you."
"Reminds me of the time I almost got drafted into Captain America's USO show. Oh now, that one was a hoot and a holler!"
Darcy settled down with a pillow under her head and listened to Grandma Connie retell the same, probably untrue story that she'd heard a thousand times before. Little details changed every time. There was a sideshow carnival involved this time around where another version had a theater troupe. True or not, it was one of Darcy's favorites. She always said that her grandmother should've written children's books. The only problem was that every single story, no matter what it was about or what prompted her to start telling it, always ended the same way.
"Of course, none of that could ever compare to the night a Howling Commando swept me off my feet."
And even though they weren't in the same room, Darcy knew exactly the kind of face her grandma was making right now. That dreamy, happy twinkle in her eye and the wistful smile as she recalled that magical night so many decades ago and mimed their dance with one of Darcy's stuffed toys to get a laugh out of her. That was when Grandma Connie could still stand without her slipped disks acting up. Nowadays, she spent most of her time in her favorite rocking chair, in Darcy's aunt's house.
"You know, Grandma, you've talked about that night a lot," said Darcy, "but in all this time, I still don't know which of those guys it was."
"Don't you?" Grandma Connie said. "Sounds like you don't learn anything in those classes of yours."
"Grandma, I told you, political science is not history," Darcy said, smiling. If it was anyone else, she'd give them a good slap in the face for that one, but she could never be mad at Grandma Connie. "Plus, I don't think I'm going to find 'Sex Lives of War Heroes 101' anywhere in the curriculum."
"Now that's a darn shame. It was quite a night, let me tell you. He was a remarkable dancer in more ways than one."
"Okay, Grandma, too much information. Let's stop there."
Grandma Connie laughed. "If you think that's bad, wait until I tell you what happened after I met my soulmate."
"Please don't," said Darcy. Outside, Jane was calling her name, and if she didn't answer soon, there would be five feet and one hundred and twenty pounds of scientist on her ass all night. "I'd like to keep remembering Grandpa as a man with a bad hip who liked to pull quarters out of my ear."
"Too bad. He was quite the looker, and a wonderful dancer. All the girls were jealous. Course, they would of been jealouser if they knew about that night a Howling Commando swept me off my feet!"
"I know Grandma," Darcy said fondly, tracing the messy cursive wrapped around the inside of her wrist.
Darcy had a soulmark because the universe hated her.
No, that wasn't true. According to society, her mark was a symbol of good fortune as it meant that someday when she found the right person to say those six words out loud, her life would be nothing but bliss and happiness. That's what it meant to have a soulmate after all.
And it wasn't that Darcy didn't buy it or hadn't spent her childhood dreaming of the handsome prince who would sweep her off her feet. What little girl didn't? Soulmate or no.
The problem was more the mark itself because Darcy had been 'blessed' with the most annoying basic words in existence: unique enough to recognize but common enough that they could be spoken by anyone.
"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" asked the first person to ever say those words to her. He'd been a new guy at school, cute with nice dimples and green eyes. He hadn't been her soulmate, though. Neither had the next guy or the guy after that. One guy tried to pretend he was her soulmate just to get her into bed, and if he hadn't been forty-two, married, and the assistant dean at the university, he might've succeeded. Instead, he got fired and his wife took the house and the kids. Sucks to be him.
By the time she moved with Jane into Avenger's tower in Manhattan, Darcy had been through so many false alarms that it didn't even phase her anymore when someone politely requested the free chair next to her. She kept her answers unique just in case, but otherwise didn't get crazy hoping that the next time she went out to eat in public, or to a sporting event, or to a concert, or anywhere else where one might need to pull up a chair, the person who asked would be her One True Love. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't… well, her mother and father weren't soulmates and they had a very happy six years together before the divorce.
"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
She was in the food court with Jane when she heard it. Only Jane was in line at the Chinese place getting their lo mein, so Darcy was alone in this. She put down her iPad and picked up her soda to take a drink. Then she looked at the speaker.
Steve Rogers.
Steve Rogers had just said her soulmate words. Add yet another tally to the 'false alarm' board. Darcy might not have ever spoken to him before, but he was Captain America for Christ's sake. The only way he could be her soulmate was if they were in a parallel universe where insane things that didn't happen actually happened.
With that in mind, Darcy couldn't even be bothered to give him something special. "Nope. All yours, dude."
As expected, he took the chair and started going back to his table, where Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, and a bunch of other Avengers in plain clothes were waiting. Darcy returned to her game of Fruit Ninja and didn't notice that Steve had stopped and turned around to stare intently at the back of her head. Not until he was beside her, his large body filling her vision, did she look up.
"Sorry to bother you again," he said with a slight stammer, "but uh... is what I just said your soulmate words?"
A cold chill ran up Darcy's back. She was stock still and staring like an idiot for far too long, and not only were his barely disguised super friends watching, but Darcy was pretty sure all the entire food court had gone quiet. Either she was hallucinating because her brain had shut down from the shock, or Darcy was about to introduce herself to her maybe soulmate in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of onlookers.
"Uh…" She couldn't say more, so instead, she started pinching herself.
Steve blinked. "What are you doing?"
"Checking to see if this is a parallel universe," Darcy said. "Though I guess pinching yourself is more of a dream thing… and since I'm not waking up, we can rule out that possibility."
He gave a smile, and it was the kind of smile that on his face could melt panties. Darcy was pretty sure hers had disintegrated, but then he had to go and take his jacket off and roll up his sleeve and then there was Darcy's writing on his bicep- holy shit that bicep…
"That… would be mine," she said, gesturing at his arm. At least she tried to, but her body wasn't listening to her brain right now, and she waved too hard. It looked like she was motioning at all of him. "I mean the writing is mine. Not you."
He chuckled, taking her by the hand. "Technically, since we're soulmates, you're right either way."
And just like that, Darcy Lewis was the luckiest woman to ever live.
The second step to finding your soulmate is immediately telling those closest to you. Jane came back with the food and was both shocked and pleased by the news. Since she was currently still looking for her soulmate after the whole Thor thing hadn't worked out, she could understand what a happy time this would be for her friend. Steve's buddies were equally thrilled and they all had an excellent time getting to know each other as friends until Steve and Darcy excused themselves to go and get to know each other in another sense.
Which Darcy hoped meant he'd fuck her against the nearest wall. He was so strong that he'd probably have no trouble holding her up. Of course, then there was the whole thing about 'not rushing' and 'go on a date first' and 'even though he's your soulmate that doesn't mean he's the perfect man and you have to know his history first and how many people he's been with and do you even know his middle name yet? blah blah safety blah.' With that in mind, Darcy stopped just short of jumping him the second they got in the elevator.
"Have you ever had sex?" she asked.
He was clearly taken aback by the question, but he seemed to understand why she asked it. "No, I haven't."
"Okay, same. How many girls have you kissed?"
"Altogether? Three. But I only really wanted to kiss one of them, and that was seventy years ago, so…"
"Cool. I've kissed four guys. One more question: what's your middle name?"
"Er- Grant."
"Elizabeth." Darcy grinned and threw her arms around his neck. To her immense delight, he really could hold her like she weighed nothing. "Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business."
They were still 'getting down to business' when the elevator stopped on Steve's floor. Miraculously, no one else got on with them in that time. If someone had tried, they would probably be traumatized for life by what they saw. Assuming Steve or Darcy couldn't back off from sucking face long enough to kindly ask them to leave. Though the doors opened up for them, Darcy had just gotten her hands under Steve's shirt, and she was far too busy exploring paradise to think that it might be more comfortable to ravish and be ravished on a bed or a carpeted floor with some pillows.
"Stevie! I see you're finally becoming a man. I'm so proud of you."
Steve sprung away from Darcy, and unless this was a very close, personal friend of his, Darcy was going to hate them forever.
"Hey Bucky," Steve said through his teeth. Bucky had a playful grin on his face that, oddly enough, was exactly the kind of look Darcy's father would give her whenever he caught her getting into trouble.
"You wanna introduce me to your lady friend?" Bucky asked, nodding at Darcy.
Steve took her by the hand, a rather innocent gesture considering he'd been trying to unhook her bra eight seconds ago. "Buck, this is Darcy, and we just found out that we're soulmates."
"Nice to meet you," said Darcy, "Steve has not told me so much about you."
"Likewise," said Bucky.
They shook hands, then went to get some drinks and chat for awhile. Despite his unfortunate cockblocking ways, Darcy thought she was going to like Bucky Barnes. He acted just like a best friend should, shamelessly ribbing Steve for his lack of experience ('if he ever asks you about going to get some fondue, you should know that he thinks it means-') and telling lots of embarrassing stories from their childhood ('so he has his foot stuck in the fence post now and his pants are down to his ankles…'). Darcy was having such a good time, she almost missed her phone going off.
"Hey Mom, what's up?" she said.
Her mother's voice instantly sucked away all the happy. "Honey, it's Grandma Connie."
Darcy sat up straight. "What? What's wrong with Grandma?"
She listened to her mother explain, not speaking even though there was so much to say. She'd have to save it for the trip back home. She was on the train not half an hour later, put on board by Steve with a hug and a kiss and a promise to call him as soon as she got to her aunt's house. He would've come too, but it hadn't even been a full day since they found each other. They decided it was best not to break the news to her family just yet.
Darcy was back in New Jersey by nightfall, and as she sat down at her grandmother's bedside, it struck her how very old and frail she really was. It didn't seem right; Grandma Connie had always been an insanely tough woman. That was how she'd survived to be almost a hundred years old, even after the deaths of her soulmate and oldest son. She was one of those people that you just can't imagine the world without. Like David Bowie or Alan Rickman.
Her eyes cracked open and she gave a toothless smile. "There you are. I've been waiting all day for you."
Darcy forced back her tears. "Mom said you weren't feeling well."
"Oh, that big worrywart," Grandma Connie grumbled. "I get a cold and she's ready to call in the priest to give me last rites. Ridiculous."
"She's just worried about you, Grandma. We all are."
Grandma Connie sighed and started to move. Darcy tried to stop her, but her grandma still had enough strength to push her hands away. Muttering about how she wasn't dead yet and could help herself, thank you very much, she stacked her pillows so that she could sit up.
"Well, while I'm still not convinced that I'm on the verge of a dirt nap," she said, "I suppose I might as well tell you that little secret I've been holding onto just in case."
"Secret?" Darcy asked. As far as she knew, her grandma didn't have any skeletons in the closet, but then again, a lot can happen in ninety eight years.
"First of all, your grandpa knew all about this, so I don't want you thinking I was keeping anything from him," she said sternly. "You never keep secrets from your soulmate, Darcy, understand?"
"I know," Darcy said. "I'll never do that."
"Good girl," said Grandma Connie. "Now, I've always liked telling you about the night a Howling Commando swept me off my feet, but the truth is I've never told you the whole story."
"Seriously?"
"You'd think I would've, I know. It's just that some things, you can't really talk to a child about, and what we did that night is one of them. What we did after the dancing I mean. When we got to the real dancing."
"...oh. I see," said Darcy. She looked to see if anyone else was in the room with them, but her aunt it seemed had returned to the kitchen. There was no one to rescue her. "That's great, Grandma."
"I'm talking about sex."
"You know, I'm really hungry right now. I think Aunt Maria is making baked ham tonight. We should-"
"There's no time for food, Darcy. This is important." Grandma Connie crossed her arms over her chest. "Now, after he left for the war, I met my soulmate a few weeks later. He'd been excused from service due to his three brothers having been drafted. We got married almost immediately because I was pregnant."
"Yeah, you've told me that. You've told the whole family that story," said Darcy.
"Yes, but there's one thing I didn't tell them," said Grandma Connie, with a slight pause for what Darcy could only assume was dramatic effect. "You see, when I met my soulmate, I was already pregnant."
...okay, that explained the dramatic effect. Because that was a really dramatic revelation.
"Wait, what? You were pregnant by… hold on, my dad was your first child."
Grandma Connie nodded. "That's right."
"Grandpa wasn't really his dad? He wasn't really my grandpa?" Darcy sprung out of the chair, tears fresh in her eyes.
"Now don't be like that. He loved your father as his own son and he loved you as his granddaughter. That's the only thing that matters." Grandma Connie sighed and looked down at her lap. "But we decided together that it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. My son's birth father had been killed in action, and I didn't know how to contact his family to let them know. I'd written him, but he was MIA for a time before he became a Howling Commando. Then after we discovered he'd fallen off that train-"
"Train?" Darcy's heart, already rapidly sinking into her feet, exploded and died as she put the pieces together. "My dad's biological father… the Howling Commando… he fell off a train?"
"Darcy, sweetheart, is something wrong?" Grandma Connie asked. "You looking a little pale and sweaty."
