Scene 1

Movie starts with soft quiet music playing. We see pictures of flowers, birds, the sky, etc... past before the camera. Skips to shots of the Shire

NARRATOR: (V.O. quietly) Once, long ago, there was a quiet place in the remotest corner of Middle-Earth, called the Shire. It was a peaceful place inhabited with peaceful, curious creatures called Hobbits. Our story is about one such Hobbit, by the name of Bilbo Baggins. One fine day, Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of...

BILBO: (Music crashes abruptly) Fool!! I'm only fifty!!

FRODO: Sorry sir, carry on... Bilbo must have been playing with that nuclear warhead...again.

BILBO: And stop calling me Bilbo, odd hairy person I don't know! Everyone knows I'm Martha Stewart!! (Walks off absentmindedly, as if he's drunk.) V.O: CHEESE!

NARRATOR: Erm... okkkkaaaaay... anyways... when Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag...

BILBO (V.O): MARTHA STEWART!!

NARRATOR: Um, never mind.