Johanna Mason is a girl

Who throws away her future

By clinging to her past

And lives in a house full of ghosts.


Her family

Has died for her sin

For refusing a man who doesn't understand the word no

She is as guilty for their deaths

As the man who struck the match

To burn them bright.


It takes her nine days

To cry over their deaths

Even at their funeral

As she throws soil at their final resting place

She expects them to come and nag her

For wearing black instead of light blue to a funeral

But they never arrive

For they now are only names on stone

And a bit of her has gone with them.


Relatives come to tell her

It will be okay

Death is part of life

When her cousin dares say she understands

Johanna throws a mug at her head

Her cousin will never understand

She isn't a killer and an orphan

And she doesn't have a guilt so great

It makes breathing hard.


She is losing her mind

Still she smells the tea her mom enjoyed

And hears the music box her brother made for her

When she was young and naive

She could swear the tea and the music

Had burnt with her family.


Nightmares

She has at least one everynight

They die in her dreams

A thousand times

In a thousand ways

She is dead behind the eyes

And no medicine can get her back.


Solitude is her only company

She has chosen it that way

She doesn't want to bury anyone else

She is sick of wearing black

And being pitied

She doesn't want anyone to witness her

Cry and crumble

She locks herself in the bathroom

And in the mirror she sees the girl she was in the interviews

Makeup destroyed and big doe eyes filled with tears

Only this time

She has no one waiting for her back home

And her tears mean something.


She doesn't want to cry

She doesn't need the guilt

Which weighs her down and poisons her

So she feels nothing

Being numb is so much easier

But actually she still feels everything

Only pretending to be numb is easier than admitting she is cracking and collapsing


Where she found her damnation

She finds her salvation

The first year as a mentor in the games

She meets Odair

Who tells her she is a survivor

And she has gone through worse

He is just a child whose innocence was robbed

He understands

Johanna believes him

And she still doesn't know why but asks him for a hug

His warmth actually made her want to smile.

She meets Mags

Who fills her stomach

With tea and food she has never tried

And makes her see the wonders of being alive

She meets Haymitch

Who tells her stories

Of a girl he thought he loved

But died before he really knew

He gives her a bottle of gin

So she won't have any nightmares.


She finally starts living

Instead of just breathing through her burnt out lungs

426 days after she loses her family and self

She isn't the same girl

She is more bitter, more aggressive, more impulsive, more snarky

However she is no longer numb and that is a victory itself

And it is the first step to recovery.

This is for the lovely Yew, I really hope you like it and please leave your thoughts, I love hearing them.