A/N: Finally, I have something new to post! I started this a while back, but don't have much time for writing lately, so I decided to write the whole thing before I started posting to avoid long delays in updates. The idea for this one actually came from something I am not usually a fan of (see Sara's first actual statement) but it was the only idea I had so I went with it, hopefully it turned out! Also be warned, this ended up being a huge angst-fest for Catherine but if you can handle that, stick with me- you know I'll make it all better eventually! :)
HUGE thanks to Chelsee6 for betaing. You are amazing!
Catherine knew she shouldn't have looked at the time, her eyes locking onto the inert minute and hour hands, willing them to lurch forward. What seemed to have been a considerable length of time had in reality been only six minutes. Almost exactly six minutes, Catherine noted as she again clocked the location of the creeping second hand. Why was it that moments like these move so slowly, while good times seem to pass by before you realize they've begun? Even as she tore her eyes away, she swore she could still hear the ticking of the second hand, though she was pretty sure that clock had never made noise previously.
She sighed, giving her tired eyes a break from the abundance of paperwork before her by resting them on the gray walls of her office. She wondered why everything in the lab seemed to be in shades of blue and gray. Often times she found the cool colors of the monochromatic scheme to be relaxing, but right now they made her feel cold and drab.
I guess everything's relative, she thought. Relative to her mood. Time could move fast or slow, the same colors could bring serenity or discomfort, and Sara could be the most compassionate or frustrating person she'd ever met. So was it her mood that was making time stand still in a dull lab while Sara was being a pain in the ass? Or was it the latter that was bothering her, bringing everything else down with it?
Catherine gave up on her paperwork at this point, dropping her pen on top of the pile as she rolled back in her chair, rubbing her temples. What were we arguing about anyway? The fight had been insignificant, she couldn't even remember the subject matter, let alone what was said; it had taken place hours ago, long before the clock on the wall had ceased moving. So why was it still nagging at the back of her mind?
She chanced a glance at the clock. Five minutes. Dammit. Stretching her sore limbs that were aching from too long being trapped behind a desk, she decided she needed to do something else. Settling on a cup of coffee Catherine turned, jumping as she saw a figure in her doorway. 'Jesus, Sara,' she muttered under her breath, her hand clasped over her chest as she recollected herself. She mentally scolded her now erratic heartbeat; it wasn't supposed to beat like that now when Sara was near, though sometimes still it rebelled against her. It's only because she startled me, Catherine told herself, pushing away the knowledge that she was ignoring a fluttering feeling in her stomach. Reluctantly, she moved her hand from her chest to her lap, as though lowering a shield that both protected and hid what lay behind it.
Sara whispered an apology as she leaned against the frame; her usually fiery brown eyes fixating on the ground. Her matching brown hair was getting long, as long as Catherine had ever remembered it being before, masking her face slightly as her head tilted in the same direction as her eyes. Catherine briefly took notice of the neckline of Sara's fitted black top- leaving a little less to the imagination than her usual attire- before tearing her eyes away just as quickly. She had long since trained herself not to fixate on these particular attributes for too long.
Still, Sara stood motionless, and though Catherine had initially assumed she'd come to apologize for the nearly forgotten dispute, she now got the sense that there was something else on her friend's mind. Something that was obviously troubling her.
"Sara?" Catherine finally called out gingerly, her voice luring the other woman's eyes back to her own. She raised her eyebrows slightly with a single nod of her head, a silent bid for Sara to speak. Catherine watched her open her mouth, then close it again as she exhaled deeply and once more averted her eyes. Sitting back in her chair, Catherine patiently waited for Sara to find her voice.
When she did, it came out flat, as all in one breath the words, "I love you Catherine," tumbled out, her eyes only finding Catherine's wide blue ones again after she'd finished. Catherine shook her head, her lips forming a 'what?' though the word failed to make itself heard. Sara broke their gaze as she turned and left the room, disappearing down the hall.
Catherine sat immobile, staring at the spot Sara had been standing as though she could conjure her presence back. There was a pounding in her ears that she soon realized was her own pulse, and a tingling feeling running all the way from her toes to her now clammy palms.
"What?" she finally said to the emptiness, as a shaking breath she didn't realize she'd been holding was released. She couldn't understand why she felt light headed. She didn't have those feelings for Sara, not anymore.
Sara always did have a strange sense of humor, she rationalized, still frozen in her seat. Maybe this was meant to be some sort of joke. Something in Sara's demeanor told her it wasn't. Why would she do that? How can she just tell me she loves me, and then walk away?
Wait a minute, Sara loves me?
She toyed with the idea, letting her childish side dance in victory for only a moment before pushing the thought away. No, she thought, I'm not doing this again. It had been bad enough the first time she'd fallen for Sara, it had taken too long to get over. She didn't feel that way anymore, and she wasn't going to get her hopes up again. It could have been a joke.
She looked at the clock: ten minutes. Fuck the clock.
She grabbed the files off her desk, shoving them angrily into her bag, and went home.
