This little fic was written jointly with Tmyres77 and grew from an LJ writing challenge: write a classified ad for your character. That got us thinking – what might Harold Hill, Marian Paroo and the denizens of River City wish to seek via advertisement?

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WANTED: Reliable shill.

Charming, engaging and easy on the eyes. Look trustworthy? All the better. A sharp mind and silver tongue will work in your favor, but you have to be comfortable playing first chair to my conductor. Must be quick on your toes and ready to pick up and leave at a moment's notice. If you can keep a steady balance in the midst of chaos and possible pursuit by the law, meet me at Smith's Boarding House near supper time.

Ask for Harold.

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WANTED: A White Knight.

Gorgeous but misunderstood librarian seeks white knight to walk with her while the others ride by and to love till the day she dies. The ideal candidate does not have to be a Lancelot or an angel with wings. Qualities most sought after are plainness, modesty, quietness, gentleness, straightforwardness and honesty. Interest in Shakespeare and Beethoven also a plus, as is willingness to sit together in a cottage somewhere in Iowa.

Must provide at least three reliable character references. Charming but fraudulent traveling salesmen need not apply. Ask for Marian the Librarian, but do not sing it so loud the entire library can hear you!

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WANTED: The Lady Who Knows What Time It Is.

Me: charming traveling salesman who values his independence and won't be in town long. You: gorgeous gal with a touch of sin who gives the affirmative for a few "moonlight strolls" without spinning webs, tying knots, or requiring a march down the aisle afterward. Sadder but wiser girls with virtue too late to save are preferred. Definitely NOT seeking: wholesome innocent Sunday school teachers, bright-eyed blushing breathless baby-doll babies, dewy young misses, lasses with delicate airs.

Eligible applicants can stop by Jacey Squires' livery stable after eight tonight – make sure to close the doors tightly behind you!

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WANTED: Eligible Bachelor.

Elderly matron seeking suitable husband for beautiful, educated but bookish daughter. Must be willing to look beyond prim exterior to see the Irish lass within. Meek suitors need not apply. Singing schoolteachers, buggy owners and library patrons are welcome. Fine looking traveling salesmen who enjoy strawberry phosphates highly encouraged.

If interested, please call at the large Victorian home on the corner of West Elm in the evening hours.

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WANTED: A Better Place to Canoodle.

Relatively innocuous teen inexplicably regarded as town disgrace needs private but decent place to meet with shrill but endearing girl he is going steady with behind her father's back (he would rather be doing it in front of his back). Somewhere better than the footbridge, lumberyard or gigantic copy of Romeo and Juliet – I already tried all those. The Candy Kitchen was also a disaster – great honk!

Suggestions can be covertly passed through the bookshelf of the Drama section at Madison Public Library.

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WANTED: Dancers.

Ladies looking to contribute to the arts in River City are encouraged to join the Ladies Dance Committee Thursday night in the high school gymnasium. Our Mayor's wife, Eulalie Mackecknie Shinn, will discuss her ideas for the upcoming season and solicit opinions if she feels it necessary. While everyone is welcome, please remember that not every lady bespeaks Delsarte and therefore cannot be selected for the dance group. However, we gladly welcome all seamstresses and those wishing to lend their support.