A/N: And a wild one-shot appears! Wow. Seriously, I've been MIA for a while now, huh? :p It's my fault and I have no excuse for not writing for like two months (although I do but meh homework isn't a valid excuse).
Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this little one-shot as much as I enjoyed writing it! REVIEW and tell me what you thought :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi.
It is not true that Eli Goldsworthy has broken Clare Edwards' heart thrice – one, when he crashed his hearse for her, two when he told everyone he was a monster, three when he left to NYU and broke up with her.
He has broken her heart every time he teased Adam about him not wanting to be friends. Every time he taunted Fitz to beat him up instead of a friend. Every time he pushed her away, desperately wanting the love she was giving him but knowing he didn't deserve it.
But most important, he breaks her heart like this – when he remembers the dark days he lived before he met her. When the grief of losing a first love and almost losing a best friend engulfs him so completely he becomes an empty shell. He has lost parts of his humanity, his sanity, and remembering such horrible memories only reminds him further that he will be incomplete without them.
Sometimes, when they lie together in the bed, he sits up in the middle of the night, gasping open – mouthed, with covers clenched in his fists and wide eyes unseeing as bloody memories drown his thoughts. And sometimes, tears stream down his face silently and he speaks, short, clear words that usually mean nothing to her, though once he cried "Julia" and she wept with him until morning.
And sometimes he wakes up screaming, struggling to push her away when she tries to control him when all he can see is a door opening with all the universe behind it, waiting to fall on him like the tide.
And he is so broken.
How did she let him get so broken?
She understands, painfully so, knowing that fixing his invisible scars will almost be impossible. Silently, she lets him drown, trying to be his anchor and hoping it is enough.
But someday she'll lead him out of this hall of sick reflections in his head. She'll trace a map along the lines of his face with her fingertips and break every damn mirror with a kiss truly meant, and then, perhaps, they'll both be free.
And there, the broken pieces of their hearts will try to mend again.
