There was nothing to be heard that night.
Things had been normal all evening. Work went by, business as usual. I got home and Jayson was bouncing around, excited to tell me about his day, which was spent playing outside. It was spring, the air was perfect in the day and equally as perfect in the night. Every four-year-old's dream. I made my way past him and into the kitchen, following my nose to the familiar scent of fried bliss. Katniss was there, hovered over a few pots and pans of what looked to be a few days woth of hunting.
"Are we feeding a crowd tonight?" I bellowed happily.
A smile crept on onto her lips and she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey handsome, how was it today?"
"Same as always," I said as she took my jacket and bag.
"Jayson was pretty... energetic today," she remarked as she got out our tableware.
"Oh really? Like, more than usual?" I said while sneaking a bite of some of her signature sweet creamed corn.
"Yeah, I think it would really help him to be around some kids his age. I almost feel sorry for him, playing outside alone all day. Are you sure there's no where for him to be in some type of day time care? With some real kids?" This wasn't the first time we'd had this discussion.
"Katniss, I really don't think it's necessary for him right now. He's got plenty of time to spend away from home, making new friends and being away from us." I explained calmly.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," she shrugged as she returned her attention to the steaming food. I was surprised at the mildness of the conversation and had already prepared for a fight when she first began her stance. The last few times it had ended with she and me sleeping separately for more than a couple nights.
As if perfectly on cue, Jayson flew into the room, talking about a "new species of bug" he had "discovered" today. Katniss was serving dinner by that time, and we all began out usual dinnertime routine. Jayson ate and (hardly) listened, Katniss and I talked. Jayson talked, Katniss and I ate and listened. The mommy and daddy personas in us had taken full effect, and we hadn't even tried to stop it. This is where who we were meant to be, and we were meant to be together. I felt that much had always been clear.
We tucked Jayson in and, unconciously, began our own nightly regime. As we laid, our usual continuous bedtime conversation ensued. Then she said something I wouldn't understand until the morning.
"Do you ever imagine how different things could've turned out?"
"Well yeah, I guess I do," I said, more focused on my state of exhaustion than to paying attention.
"Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days after the games. Before our engagement, before Jayson, back to real freedom."
Barely awake, I nodded, "Mhmmm..."
"I love you, Gale." I almost didn't hear her say as I drifted off into what felt like an endless sleep. If only I would've responded, if only I would've stayed awake with the woman I was so proud to call my wife, if only I would've listened that day. Maybe then I wouldn't have awoken to a cold left side of the bed, a haphazard bedroom, and a letter with her sweet handwriting.
"Gale,
I've went to be with Peeta. It's not your fault, I really thought you were the man of my dreams. I couldn't stand to be home every day, feeling like I served no purpose, feeling like I was virtually useless. I needed you to understand why I wasn't meant to be the hiuse wife you always wanted, but I realized that you couldn't, and I can't blame you for that. Peeta understands my need to feel important, to be occupied. I will always love you, but not in the way that you deserve to be loved. I enjoyed my time at home with Jayson so much, he is the little boy I always dreamed of having. I kept bringing up day care because I was ready to go back to work, and I thought that if you were on board with that then you would agree to me looking for a job. I realized tonight that you didn't understand that, and I knew then that leaving was the right choice. I've arranged things about Jayson and I will be seeing him on a regular schedule. We can discuss..."
The woman who was and always will be my one and only, gone in one night. To her, it was as if she had never been there in the first place. Like she hadn't taken the piece of my heart she had owned for all those years, the hole to forever remain empty.
Maybe there was much to be heard that night.
