Title: (Series) The Secrets That We Keep- Unsung (Part I?)

Author: Tamara

Summary: Grace enters into a secretive, self-destructive relationship with Eli.

Rating: PG-13 for a few choice words, and perhaps some sexuality.

Pairing(s): Grace/Eli, and mentions of Eli/Carla

Warnings: While this is a Grace/Eli pairing it's not exactly a happy little "they are so in love" fic. Angst is to be expected along with drama and whatever else my twisted little brain decides to add. Also this is told in no set P.O.V so forgive me if I somehow confuse you. Oh, and the italics are flashbacks.

Distribution: Anywhere else: Want, Ask, Have (with my name of course)

Feedback: Please. It's the only way for to me even consider making this a long series, or perhaps a long story.

Storylines: "The Second Time Around" with a few exceptions: (1) Lily and Rick didn't go thru with the wedding, but are still living together. (2) Carla is gone and did write the letter to Grace.

Sorry if this sucks.

The Secrets That We Keep- Unsung

"I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue

I'm only as good as the last one

Well you decide and I abide as my song goes unsung

Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame

Everything is changing and I do not feel the same

I'm slippin' thru the cracks of floors that I thought were strong

I'm trying to find a place where I can feel like I belong

Well, I am cryin'

You aren't tryin'

I am melting away…"

- "Unsung" by Vanessa Carlton.

The rising dawn shed light through the tiny spaces between the blinds into the dark room. It's not that bright, but just enough to cause me squint my eyes and groan as I am awoken. My body is sore and tired, but I manage to cause myself to sit up and glance at the alarm clock on my right. 6:57 a.m. Inwardly I suppress a groan, and out of my modesty I adjust the flimsy sheet covering my body that was starting to slip. I look to my left and there he was in all his glory, as he sleeps, naked too of course. Instantly I'm reminded of his words from a conversation we had weeks ago:

"After what we just did, you have no reason to be so modest, Grace," he spoke referring to me trying to cover myself up.

I remember feeling so dirty after his words. After what we just did.

I won't lie and say that I don't enjoy what we do, but afterwards I belittle and curse myself. I'm having sex with a guy who will be my stepbrother. I'm having sex with a guy who I have absolutely no relationship with besides a fragile friendship. Basically we're fuck buddies. Oh yeah, and not to mention that I lost my virginity to him…the same night our parents were supposed to be married.

"Hey Grace. Lily and Dad are going to the airport to drop your Grandma off, and then to dinner. I'm going to mom's and Zoë is going to your Dad's. She wants to know if you want to go too."

I glance over the banister and see Eli get up off the couch and head towards the garage. I know he tries to hide how he feels but I know he's upset about the letter. And I blame myself. I should have just told him. He says he needs to be alone right now, but I doubted that was a good idea. I had to talk to him about Carla, the letter, and our almost kiss. Things are so screwed up.

I stopped watching him and looked backed to Jessie, who looked rather annoyed. Oops, she was waiting for a response.

"Um, you know I think I'm just going to stay here tonight. Thanks, Jessie."

I start to head downstairs but she grabs me.

"I don't know what the hell is going on between you two and what I walked in on, but just let it go. For his sake, for yours, and for the rest of us," she warned me and actually looked rather angry. Then again, we never really got along, and I sense that she knows how I feel about her older brother. I actually don't know what to say. Nothing was going on, but something was at the same time. My best bet was probably just to try and put her mind at ease.

"Jess, it was nothing really. He was just upset." That wasn't exactly a lie, but she wasn't buying it.

"Whatever Grace. I know what I saw. Just leave him alone. Even if there was a chance at something happening between you two, it wouldn't be smart. Things are already to complicated," she warned.

In the back of my mind I want to speak out and assure her nothing is going on, but I'm pretty sure it would be just to convince myself more so than her. Denial. It just made it easier. But I let it go, knowing she's right. She walks away, and I can't help but wonder what the hell I am going to say, and whether or not I should leave him alone.

Then minutes later I found myself, standing at his door. He opens it, and he's standing there shirtless, and his eyes completely bloodshot. He had been crying. Eli Sammler was crying. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Um, hey. I was just coming to see how you were doing. And I was hoping we could talk," I stated, my voice uneasy at the sight of him. I could feel his eyes on me, and I look to the floor. I suddenly felt self-conscious in front of him.

"But uh, you probably want to be alone, so I'll just go," and I turned around and headed through the doorway, when suddenly a shock of electricity was sent through my body. His fingertips on my skin. He held his hand around my arm.

"No it's ok . Stay. Please," he asked quietly and almost as if he was begging. I had never heard him so vulnerable, so hurt. And I was weak when it came to him. So I did stay, and walked back into his room and he shut the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Eli," I said suddenly, almost random. He just smiled slightly.

"Don't be Grace. It's not your fault. I know you were just trying to protect me."

"You're not mad?" I asked incredulous that he didn't hold any contempt for me.

"A part of me wishes you would I have told me, because -"

"I should have, as your friend."

"You didn't let me finish. I wish you would have told me, because there was this part of me that hoped and believed she would come back to me. I mean she meant so much to me, that I was so sure that she felt the same. Obviously I was wrong," he explain, the bitterness sounding in last words. "But I know your intentions were good Grace, but now I can finally let go. At least I hope I can."

I nodded my to show I understood. "That makes complete sense. I just don't get how she-" suddenly I stopped myself aware of what I was about to say. He was now leaning against his dresser, and I sat on the edge of his bed facing him. My God this was pure torture. I'm a glutton for punishment.

I looked up at him and his eyebrows raised in question. I had sparked his interest. Not a good thing.

"You don't get how she could what Grace? Go on"

Our eyes locked, and I could feel him searching for the answers to what I was really going to say. I couldn't tell him. Jessie's words hit me, and I knew that she was right. I can't pursue anything, if anything is even there at all. I could feel my nerves inside start to quaver , and my stomach was in knots. I had to leave, now.

"Nevermind. I should go," I said as I brought myself to my feet, but once again there he was stopping me.

His warm fingers were wrapped around my wrist, and my pulse was racing.

"Finish what you were going to say," he commanded me, and his hazel eyes were boring into my soul. What the hell am I going to do?. Every second I felt myself growing more and more submissive to him. I know I am going to regret this, but I did it anyways. Like I said I was a glutton for punishment.

"I don't get how she could leave you. How she could just walk out on you, and not give a damn. You everything I could- I mean anyone- could ever want. You're better than that. Damn her," the words gushed from my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. I prayed he hadn't heard my confession, or he just let it go. One look said it all. Fuck. Nice going Gracie. I waited for him to say something, anything.

Silence.

Before I knew it he had pulled me too him and his lips came crashing down on mine. He parted my lips with his tongue, and explored my mouth. God he tasted good. I was melting inside. This was everything I had ever wanted, but deep inside I knew this didn't mean anything to him. He wanted Carla, not me. That realization cut me like a knife. I pulled away, saying nothing at all. My fingertips flew to my flushed, burning lips.

Too many emotions were consuming me and I felt the tears inside start to swell up. I glanced up at him through my eyelashes. This was all too much. I was about to say I was sorry when he pulled me closer to him again and whispered 4 words:

"Grace, I need you."

Shit, he had me.

Needless to say the next thing I knew I woke up completely naked cradled against his warm, luscious body. That's how it started. Somehow we remained friends while have a sexual relationship. That was until a three weeks ago. My feelings for him were more intense than ever, and I knew I was in love with him. One statement from his ripped my heart out.

"I don't believe in love anymore. It doesn't exist."

I should have called this thing, or whatever it is, off then. I was only going to get hurt. Early on we had defined our sexual relationship as just sex, nothing more. And now more than ever, I wished I hadn't gotten myself into this disaster. I was dying inside. I wanted to tell him so badly I loved him, but I know he would shun me and that would be the end of anything, even our friendship.

Day after day, I see girls flirt with him at the bookstore or the mall or wherever, and he flirts back. I know he dates other girls, and I've seen him make out with someone who wasn't me. It makes me jealous and it kills me inside. Yeah there's two words for me. Stupid and masochist.

I hate myself for what I'm doing to myself. I only stay because I love him, and without him I would be empty.

I had out my clothes on and I head towards the door, but not without looking back at him.

He doesn't love me. He just uses me for sex. I feel dirty, but I don't care anymore. He's the only guy who even looks at me as more than just a smart girl. Being with him is all I ever wanted, and if sex is the only way he'll have me, then no matter how horrible it sounds, I'll take it. Because for now he's all that I have.

-END-

Ok a few side notes:

While most of you are going to kill me because of how "weak" I made Grace, or that Eli and Grace aren't in an actual relationship, or that it seems like Eli is purely using Grace for sex, have no worries. Not all is as it seems. I am an avid E/G 'shipper. This is part one of a series. I have a lot planned grins evilly and no this is not going to be one of those happily ever after stories, at least not right away. But that's what makes writing this so fun.

I'm sorry is this sucked, I haven't written in well over a year, and I wanted to try something different.

Thanks for taking the time to actually read this, and remember feedback is the only way I will continue.