Monstrosities Part One

He swore never again would he ever let love befall him again. his pain from losing his wife was so deep and so strong, it almost hurt to breathe. he woke up most nights alone, to his empty room….. to their empty room. ever since Hisana had died, Kuchiki Byakuya could not get a solid hour of sleep and when he did, he always dreamt of her. she was so beautiful and so pure, it made him, an honorable member of the royal Kuchiki family, feel unworthy of even the slightest glance from her beautiful velvet eyes. she was his everything and now she was gone, lost forever. she was taken away in the early spring, when the first cherry blossom bloomed. she was taken by the cold, selfish hands of death. it wasn't fair. he loved her and now, after their time being so short, she was gone.

Theres still a chance…. a small voice whispered in his mind.

No. he thought to himself. he swore. he swore on his family's honor, on his parent's graves that he would never again let the monstrocity of love befall him again. he also swore on Hisana's grave that he would never be with another woman for as long as he should live. he could not and would not disgrace and dishonor her like that. "Till death….." he quietly murmured to himself.

But he didn't want to be alone….

still a chance…..still a chance…..still a chance… the small voice kept urging him. the damn thought would NOT go away. of course he had intended to keep his promise to his parents and to Hisana….but he had also promised Hisana he would care for Rukia, her sister…..her sister who looked and acted so much like Hisana….. "NO!" he almost shouted at himself, as if scolding a disobedient dog.

But surely Hisana would'nt want him to be alone…. she would want only happiness for him, right?

He needed someone to ease his pain. he had thought of her so many times, but it was always the same internal argument. he had to end this once and for all. his love for Rukia was not acceptable but it was so true and real for him…..it was also deliciously forbidden. maybe there was a chance for him, though.

still a chance… the thought echoed through his head for the thousandth time.

He walked the long and expensively decorated corridors of the Kuchiki manor until he finally reached her room. he had decided what to say and knocked on the door, letting himself in.

She looked so much like his late wife, it hurt.

"Nii-sama…..?" she said, with her delicate and velvety voice.

That one word was all he needed to hear to know how she truly felt about him. his world painfully exploded into milloins of fragments, unable to be pieced together again. his mind exploded with anger and fear and the pain of rejection. the power of her words shook him to his core, to the very center of his being and it hurt so bad his whole body ached.

That one damned word: "brother" was all it took to make him understand he would be alone.

"It's nothing….." he almost whispered, to weak to hardly speak at all. as he left the room quietly, he spiraled further downward into his despair and sorrow. indeed, love was a monstrocity.

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