Voldemort's Newest Plan!
By Ellimist
Disclaimer (in Haiku form!)
Ellimist wishes
That she owned Harry potter
But she really don't
Somewhere in Voldemort's Lair:
"Sir! Urgent news, we have just captured a muggle and he seems to know all about us!"
"WHAT?" Voldemort screamed "How could this be? Take me to him right away!"
"Sir!" The random Death Eater replied showing the dark lord to where they were keeping the muggle. "Here he is sir" He said pointing to a hippie lying stoned on the dungeon's floor. But the wizards had no idea that he was flippin crazy, heh heh…
"Tell me foolish muggle how do you know of we wizards!" The Dark Lord snapped pointing his wand at the muggle/
"Dooood!" The stoned replied standing up and started stumbling towards Voldemort "Like, I totally knew that you dudes existed for like forever. But like the man was like keeping me down. Sayin like you wizards don't like exist with like your dark magic. But I told…" He paused to take another inhale from his bong " I sooooooooooo told them but they…they….. Man I love you! Has anyone told you that you have the sexiest eyes?"
Voldemort was furious with this muggle now! Such insolence would not be tolerated! Damn muggles, this one will be exterminated. Yes, so he could not go and spread any more "rumors" to his muggle friends. Now, it was time for a nice evil laugh "Mwahahahhahahah!" Then the other death eaters decided to jump on the band wagon and join. "Shut up you fools!" The dark lord roared "Can't you see that this was a private laugh! Jeez, now make yo' selves useful and get kill this muggle!"
Screams filled the air as Voldemort turned around and was planning his wonderful gloating until…
"Sir!"
"OMFGWTFBBQ! Leave me alone!"
"But sir this is very important! We've seemed to of found the source of that muggles knowledge!" The death eater said holding out the bong
"That smoke must be magic!" Voldemort said grabbing the bong "Call a meeting now Quickly! We shall discuss this"
Thirty minutes later at the Death Eater's conference table….
"Man, what is this stuff?"
"I dunno, but damn it's good!"
"Dood, am I the only one who wants to bang Potter?"
Michael Jackson?"
"Oh come of! You gotta admit he's hot!"
"Silence! Woah colors hee hee hee. I've got a plan! What if we created a muggle, that could like kill other muggles!"
"Holy Shize! That could like work man!"
"I dunno! I'm too stoned to do anything right now! But I love you guys!"
"Eww man! That's not my arm! Get off me!"
And so it started with a simple bong, the "super muggle of DOOOOM to be introduced next chapter! (P.S. Her name's gonna be Ellimist, if someone can tell me which book series that name came from I'll stick you, or your O.C or whatever, in the next chapter! Comments loved!) o
