Hi, everyone. This is a oneshot fic idea that I came up with and thought would be pretty funny. What happens when the baka rangers/dummy force realize that not only do people dumber than them exist, but that there are a whole bunch of them? I should note that I am not making any of the following dumb crooks up, as I got all of them from a couple of shows, mostly World's Dumbest and Most Daring. You can't make up this level of stupidity. I chose the clips that I thought were the best, but the top five are my favorites. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. This is just for fun.
Note: Italics = TV
Regular print = girls
"Okay, girls!" Asuna said the night after the dummy force's escape from library island and over an hour of studying in her room. "How about we take a little break from studying and watch some TV for awhile?"
"Oh yeah!"Makie beamed as she jumped in front of the TV.
"I guess that is something we can do." Kaede said as she sat in front of the TV, followed by Ku Fei.
"Well, I guess anything beats studying." Yue responded as she sat next to Asuna. "What are we going to watch?"
"I have no idea." Asuna began as she picked up the remote and started flipping through a list of shows. "I think Negi keeps a list of his favorite shows on his DVR, so I'll just flip through them until I find something that looks interesting. Say, this World's Dumbest show sounds interesting." Asuna said as she turned the show on.
"Tonight, The Smoking Gun presents "World's dumbest criminals!"
"Say, that sounds interesting." Makie responded.
"I guess, though I doubt there's anyone dumber than us." Asuna answered. "There really can't, can there?"
"At number twenty on our countdown, we look at two british men in a parking lot looking for a car to steal."
"Oh, come on!" Makie shouted after seeing the two crooks on the screen going from car to car after failing to steal the previous one. "Steal something, already!"
"I know!" Asuna responded. "Did they think that security wouldn't keep an eye on them if they went in and out of every car in the parking lot?"
"Hey, I think they finally got one." Kaede said as the two crooks on the screen finally got into a car successfully.
"Yeah, but look behind them." Yue responded. Sure enough, as soon as the two really bad car thieves succeeded in stealing one, a cop drove right up behind them.
"After barely getting out of the parking lot, the thieves are arrested and charged with auto theft."
"Ugh…those guys stupid." Ku Fei began. "They really bad thieves."
"I think this is just the beginning, girls. There are still nineteen clips to go." Asuna said.
"At number nineteen on our countdown, we have a man who breaks into a police bait car to steal the GPS. He might have gotten away with it if it wasn't for a few small details…"
"Hey, dummy, when you rob a place, cover your face!" Makie shouted at the TV.
"If you think that's dumb, look at the man's neck." Yue responded.
"Does he seriously have his name and date of birth on his neck?" Kaede asked.
"I not smart," Ku Fei began. "But I know better than to leave name in plain sight like that."
"Wow! What an idiot!" Asuna shouted. "If you're robbing something with a camera, or anything period, why would you have your name and face where they are visible? This guy deserves to get arrested!"
"You might wonder why there aren't many urban base jumpers. Not only is it dangerous, it is also illegal. However, that didn't seem to stop these two at number eighteen."
"Wow!" Look at this one!" Makie beamed. "One guy base jumps…right into the hands of the cops?"
"As the first jumper landed, he was greeted by a police officer who promptly arrested him."
"Wow. Let's hope the other guy is smarter than his buddy." Makie said.
"I wouldn't count on it, Makie." Yue began. "Oh, look. The other guy decided to jump as well instead of trying to get away from the cop who just arrested his buddy."
"How can anybody be that dumb?" Asuna asked. "Even I know that if one of my friends decided to do something stupid and gets arrested with a cop in our sight, I'd sure as hell get away!"
"Same here, Asuna." Kaede began. "I may not be the brightest person out there, but if I saw a cop, I'd get away from him as quickly as possible."
"That guy total moron. Jumped right into hand of police after seeing him there." Ku Fei commented.
"At number seventeen, we have two crooks who broke into a suburban home. What are they after? The fancy electronic equipment, the jewels, or money? If you answered with any of these, you are wrong. Their targets are the puppies."
"The puppies?" Asuna asked as she saw the two idiots on the screen run around the house and putting all of the puppies in a bag. "Why the hell would they want to steal puppies? Dumbasses!"
"Yeah! Puppies are loud! Do they think they would get away?" Kaede asked. "If I was robbing a house, I would go out of my way to avoid stealing the loudest thing possible!"
"Same here." Ku Fei responded to her friend's comment. "Those two choose worst thing to steal."
"I know." Makie began. "Why would you steal anything that's living, let alone something as loud as a bunch of puppies?"
"Because they're idiots. I mean, seriously! Most of the stuff in that room is more valuable than a bunch of puppies!" Yue responded. "I don't think it took long for the cops to arrest them. Barking puppies is sure to attract the attention of the police."
"At number sixteen on our countdown, we have two police officers who succeed in pulling over and arresting a man who just robbed a bank. He might have gotten away if it wasn't for what he did right before robbing the bank."
As the TV flashed an image of a man standing in a bank line with the ski mask on, all of the girls except for Yue burst out laughing.
"Did that guy actually stand in line to rob a bank?" Asuna asked, shocked by the stupidity of the crime.
"I think so." Kaede responded. "But why bother?"
"Yeah! That man too polite." Ku Fei responded while still laughing.
"Oh, come on! Just rob the place already!" Makie shouted.
"I know." Yue began. "They know you're going to rob the place, so just get it over with! I think this is the dumbest one we've seen so far."
"I agree, but we still have fifteen more to go." Asuna said.
"At number fifteen on our countdown, we have a group of criminals attempting to steal a convenience store ATM (A.N. They show a LOT of these. I can count the number of people who succeeded on one hand)."
"Seriously? Stealing an ATM?" Yue asked. "Did they honestly think that if they tie a rope to their truck and driving off with the ATM would actually work?"
"Come on!" Kaede began. "Even I know better than to steal an ATM! Those things are heavy!"
"They are. Impossible to steal ATM." Ku Fei responded.
"I think that's just the beginning." Makie began as she pointed to the screen.
"After a failed attempt at stealing the ATM the thieves escape, leaving their car behind. When the cops investigate the following morning, it doesn't take long to identify and arrest the would-be thieves."
Asuna just stood there with a shocked expression on her face. "Morons! Don't leave behind a car with your license plate on it! That makes it all the easier for the police to find you!"
"Not to mention fingerprints, registration, possibly a few ID's-" Yue began when Asuna cut her off.
"Yeah yeah, Yue. We get the picture." Asuna said as the next clip flashed on the screen.
"At number fourteen on our list, we have a man who walks into a convenience store and robs it. He gets away, but ten days later, a familiar customer walks into the same store and demands cash."
"What?" Asuna shouted. "Is that seriously the same guy?"
"I think it is, Asuna." Makie responded.
"And look. The only thing that is different is that he changed his hat." Yue said in her normal tone.
"On top of that, it's the same clerk from his previous robbery and he recognized him! How dumb can you get?" Kaede asked.
"Pretty stupid." Ku Fei began. "Robber should have used money to get new shirt instead of new hat."
"How about not robbing the same store twice in a week? Ever thought of that?" Yue asked.
"Yeah, that too." Asuna began. Let's just watch the next clip."
"Our next clip takes us to a convenience store in Russia (A.N. They show a lot of clips from Russia) where a man walks in only to see that the clerk and the security guard are asleep. Is this a customer? No. It's just dumb criminal thirteen. He wakes the clerk up and demands cash."
"Are you serious?" Asuna asked as they were watching the clip. "Just take the cash register, you moron!"
"Yeah! Don't wake up the clerk and security guard!" Makie responded.
"I don't know about the rest of you," Kaede began. "But if I saw the cash register and all of the people in the store were asleep I'd take it and run!"
"Same here. That guy not know opportunity when he sees it." Ku Fei said is response.
"This guy is a total moron. He wakes up the store clerk and he only gets away with about 300 yen!" Yue responded in her monotonic voice.
"If he didn't wake everyone up, he would have gotten away with it." Asuna concluded as the next clip flashed on the screen.
"Usually, very smart criminals put some critical thinking into choosing a place to rob. Critically dumb criminals break into a security camera store, like the idiot and number twelve."
"What a moron." Kaede said as she saw the crook walking around the store with a clear shot at his face. "Why rob a store that sells security equipment, especially in the middle of the night?"
"Because that guy is an idiot." Makie began. "He just wanders past all of the cameras and we keep getting a clear view of his face."
"Did he not think that a surveillance store might, I don't know, have a few security cameras?" Asuna asked.
"Apparently. Kazumi owns a lot of cameras, but not as many as the ones who own this store! Given the number of views of his face, I'm guessing it didn't take long to arrest that idiot." Yue said. "It's not like he can deny committing the crime when they have his face on all of those cameras."
"Our next clip takes us to a news van. After locking up his car and leaving, a young man breaks into the car and attempts to steal the camera."
"What the hell?" Asuna asked. "He's trying to steal a camera from a news van?"
"I don't think that's the dumb part. It looks like he accidently turned on the camera." Kaede said.
"Come on! How do you not notice the little red light?" Makie asked.
"You don't if you are idiot." Ku Fei said in response.
"This guy's a moron! Here he is, trying to steal this camera when it is recording his every move." Asuna responded as she tried to refrain from laughing.
"Look at that idiot trying to escape." Yue began. "They have his face on the camera. It shouldn't take long for the cops to find and arrest him."
"Our next clip takes us to a pizza shop where an armed robber breaks in and demands cash, but the employees are not about to comply.
"Look at that idiot!" Asuna began as she and the other girls started laughing. "He tries to rob a restaurant, which is the last place I'd try and rob! Let alone a pizza shop!"
"And look at the guys in the shop taking their knives and beating them up!" Makie said before giving up to the laughter.
"That guy need to research place he wants to rob." Ku Fei said while laughing.
"He definitely chose the wrong place to rob." Kaede began. "If I was in there, I would definitely kick his ass just for being stupid."
"Wouldn't you include yourself in that, Kaede?" Yue asked.
"That's academic stupidity, Yue. This guy is just flat out dumb." Kaede responded to the blue-haired girl's response.
"I have to agree. That moron brought a gun to a pizza shop and he was beat up by a bunch of pizza makers with knives." Yue began. "I'll bet he rejoiced when the police showed up to arrest him."
"Our next clip takes us to a man who is being chased down by the police on the highway. When they surround him, he escapes from his car and attempts to flee on foot."
"Hey, Moron, if you couldn't get away from them in a car there is no way you'll get away from them on foot!" Makie shouted.
"And he runs into a corn field! This guy has dumb written all over him!" Asuna shouted.
"I can't even escape from cops on foot." Ku Fei began.
"I don't think anyone can, even people as physically fit as us." Kaede began. "There's no way that guy can get far."
"Take a look at the angle we're seeing the chase from." Yue began. "There's a helicopter right above the corn field."
"How do you not notice a helicopter?" Asuna asked. "I mean, seriously! You can't miss them."
"I'm guessing he forgot the meaning of the term aerial pursuit." Kaede said. "And look. As soon as he gets out of the cornfield, the cops are right there, waiting for him."
"Did you ever doubt them, Kaede?" Yue asked.
"Nope. I knew it wouldn't take long for the police to catch this idiot." Kaede concluded as the next clip flashed on the screen.
"Number eight on our countdown takes us to a casino in Las Vegas. A man runs out of chips, so he decides to bet something else of value: a bag of marijuana."
"What?" Asuna asked as she looked at the bag the dumb criminal placed on the table. "A bag of marijuana?"
"Looks like it." Ku Fei began. "I know drug when I see it."
"And he actually tries to bet with them?" Makie asked. "Why would you gamble with something like that?"
"According to Negi, certain illegal drugs are pretty valuable in Europe and America." Asuna explained.
"I know they are worth a lot of money, but this is ridiculous!" Kaede shouted.
"Apparently, that idiot doesn't know that there are security cameras all over the place in casinos." Yue began as the other girls just looked at her. "I read it somewhere awhile ago, but never mind that. Look at what happens when the cops arrest him!"
"He tries presenting a cannabis card to the cops, and it turns out it was printed online." Asuna giggled. "I don't think that counts."
"At number seven on our countdown, we have a man who tries to rob a bum who is sleeping on a bench."
"Robbing a bum? Is this guy that desperate for money?" Makie asked.
"Apparently. How much could this guy make off of a bum, anyway?" Kaede asked.
"Um…one hundred yen?" Ku Fei asked.
"He'd be lucky to get that!" Asuna said as she just stared at the desperate thief. "Aw, look. He only got fifty yen."
"As if robbing a bum isn't dumb enough, this guy has to rob him with a cop watching from across the street?" Kaede asked. "Wouldn't you, I don't know, check the area for cops before committing such a brainless robbery?"
"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Yue asked. "This idiot actually walked past the cop! I think that cop did the only smart thing in this clip by arresting that moron."
"Let's just get through the remaining clips." Asuna began. "I'll bet they're going to be good!"
"At number six on our countdown, we focus our attention on two kids who try to find a place to rob. The only problem is that the place they chose to rob is a police station."
"A police station?" Kaede asked as she stared at the screen. "Those kids actually tried to rob a police station?"
"Isn't police station last place you want to rob?" Ku Fei asked.
"Yeah, with all of the cops all over the place!" Makie responded.
"These kids fit the definition of pure stupid!" Asuna began. "I mean, robbing the one place that is sure to be swarming with cops? How do you not notice?"
"Because people are stupid, that's why." Yue said. "At least those kids won't have to worry about a long trip to jail."
"At number five on our count down, we have two men who break into a Subway shop. They deactivate the security system and go on to emptying the cash register. There's only one problem with this. They are using their own personal security codes, and they were fired from the establishment earlier in the day."
"They deactivate the security system with their own security codes? Talk about dumb!" Asuna shouted as she burst out laughing.
"And idiots use own codes!" Ku Fei giggled.
"And they were just fired from that store earlier in the day!" Kaede shouted. "Now that's dumb."
"If you use your own security codes to break into a store, aren't they going to know it's you?" Makie asked.
"Yeah. I'm guessing that's how they got these boneheads." Yue answered.
"And they come in to collect their last paycheck with the cops waiting to arrest them. Did they really think they got away with the robbery?" Asuna shouted.
"Sadly, I think they did." Yue began. "And on top of that, the store owner is a bail bondsman! Those bakas are toast."
"I wonder who will top these bozos?" Asuna asked.
"A man who plays the base for a band locks his bases in a van outside his apartment after a gig at a nearby club. When he checks on them in the morning, he discovers that they have been stolen. Acting on a hunch, the man decides to pay a visit to a local pawn shop. When he is talking to the owner, in walks dumb criminal number four."
"What are the odds of this?" Asuna asked as she burst out laughing. "The thief walks into the shop while the owner is in it? Talk about bad luck!"
"No. Bad luck would be if that man pawned the bases in another state, or even here in Japan and ran into the owner." Yue began. "This is just flat out stupid."
"And look at how calm the owner is." Makie began. "He is just telling the owner to call the cops and make sure the thief didn't leave the store!"
"I not that calm. I would beat that guy up!" Ku Fei responded, shocked by the owner's calm nature.
"Same here, Ku Fei." Kaede began. "If it was me, I'd probably kill that guy! Either that or I'd beat him within an inch of his life."
"And when the cops arrive and ask the thief for his ID, he gives him a whole bunch of them!" Yue said as she burst out laughing since she couldn't hold it in anymore.
"And those ID's includes the base owner's business card? That wasn't very smart." Kaede laughed.
"This guy is a total dumbass!" Asuna shouted. "When the cops ask you for ID, I think they want yours. Not all the ones you stole!"
"And the cops arrest him on the spot." Makie laughed. "Of all of the clips we've seen so far, this one takes the cake!"
"At number three on our list, we have a man who commits various crimes like speeding, arson, and vandalism. He decides to record himself while committing these crimes. As if that wasn't dumb enough, the crook posts the video on YouTube."
"Oh, come on!" Asuna shouted. "This guy fails at so many levels! What an idiot!"
"Posting your crimes on YouTube? What was this guy thinking?" Makie shouted.
"He wasn't thinking." Yue began. "You'd think these bakas would know better than to videotape themselves doing something illegal, let alone upload it for the whole world to see!"
"What YouTube?" Ku Fei asked.
"YouTube is a website that people from all over the world can post videos at." Asuna explained. "And the whole world can watch them."
"Then that guy total moron." Ku Fei began. "Police might watch such a site."
"I'm sure they do. That's why this man is a complete idiot." Kaede responded.
"I'm sure the cops really got a kick out of this!" Asuna began. "I mean, how dumb can you get?"
"I guess we'll watch the remaining two clips and see for ourselves." Yue said as yet another clip flashed on the screen.
"A man calls 911 when he notices two suspicious characters near his home. As it turns out, the man was a drug dealer and the two men were rival dealers who happened to be on his turf."
"Calling 911 to arrest rival drug dealers? Come on!" Makie shouted. "The police have better things to do!"
"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Yue asked. "But I don't think that's this idiot's only mistake."
"While he is still on the phone with 911, the man starts conducting a drug deal."
"What the hell?" Asuna said with a confused tone. "He started conducting a drug deal?"
"That guy stupid. Committing illegal act while talking with authorities not smart." Ku Fei said as she was laughing at the really dumb drug dealer.
"Yeah!" Makie began. "I don't think a drug deal is something you want to do while you talking with the cops!"
"I know! This has got to be the dumbest drug dealer in the world!" Kaede shouted.
"I know! This guy is a complete moron!" Asuna shouted. "And I think Negi told me once that the 911 operators can track your location!"
"The best part is that the 911 operator calls the cops to arrest this guy!" Yue shouted. "Don't start doing something illegal when you're talking to a person who has a direct line to the police! After seeing this, I'm almost afraid to see who's at number one!"
Early one morning at a car repair shop, two men storm in and demand cash. There is just one problem. There was no money in the establishment since it just opened for the day. The employees told the thieves to come back later. They agree and leave the shop, but not before one of them left their phone numbers behind, telling the employees to call him once their boss came in. The clerks call the cops, and then the idiot at number one."
All five girls just stood there, dumbstruck.
"What-" Makie began.
"The-" Kaede continued.
"Hell?" Asuna finished. "I think seeing this clip just lowered my IQ level!"
"Did he really think that the clerks would let him take their money?" Makie asked. "This is easily the dumbest crook we've seen on this show!"
"I hear you, Makie." Kaede began. "This guy is a complete idiot!"
"The would-be thief returns and is confronted by a plain-clothes officer. When the crook refuses to drop his gun, the officer shoots him in the leg. He is taken to the hospital and then to jail."
"That guy complete dumbass! Thinks he could take money with no cops waiting for him." Ku Fei said as she laughed at who was probably the dumbest criminal in the world.
"He seriously thought they wouldn't call the cops? No, they just thought you really needed the money!" Yue said in a sarcastic tone.
"This guy deserved both the number one spot on this show and getting shot in the leg! What a dumbass!" Asuna shouted. "I didn't think people that dumb even existed!"
"At least we learned that people much dumber than us exist." Makie began. "We're geniuses compared to these boneheads!"
"We definitely are." Kaede said as the door to the dorm room opened and in walked Negi and Konnaka.
"Hello, girls." Negi began as he noticed the TV was on. "We heard you laughing and shouting all the way across the hall. What were you watching?"
"Oh, just this really funny show." Asuna answered.
"Yeah. I think it was called World's Dumbest." Kaede explained.
"Say, isn't that the show you like watching, Negi?" Konnaka asked the child professor.
"Why yes, Konnaka." Negi began as he looked at the other girls. "In fact, I left my remote out so you girls would find that show and see that you aren't as dumb as you think you are."
"I'll say. We just saw the dumbest criminals we've ever seen!" Asuna shouted.
"Yes. Some of those criminals are pretty stupid." Negi chuckled. "I'll tell you what, girls. Study hard and do well on the finals tomorrow, and I'll show you some of their other shows. Think of it as a chance to improve your English."
"Alright, Negi!" Makie beamed.
"Come on, girls." Asuna began as she opened a bunch of books. "Let's study as much as we can! After all, if people that stupid exist, we can definitely do this!"
"Yeah!" The other girls shouted as they joined her.
Well, that's what happens when the dummy force/baka rangers discover that they are far from being as dumb as some people can get. This is currently a oneshot, but if I feel like it and/or I get enough requests, I might add a few more chapters for some of the other categories.
