WARNINGS: This story will contain abuse, self-harm, suicide ideation, and Weasley and Dumbledore bashing. I know it is cliche, but I hope to bring some twists and turns to the plot along the way. All characters belong to JK Rowling.
The train to King's Cross Station was taken in silence and Harry couldn't have been more thankful. At first Ron and Hermione had tried to engage him in conversation, Ron blathering on about quidditch and Hermione trying to get him to talk about Sirius. Couldn't they just understand that he wanted to be left alone? He just wanted to clear his mind from the complete chaos that it was left in following the Department of Mysteries fiasco. He laughed mentally, finally understanding what Snape was talking about all last year. Just clear you mind Harry! Merlin, if only it were so easy…
Staring out the window and watching as the farmland and rolling grassy hills streaked by with London getting closer and closer, all he could think about was Sirius' face as he fell through the veil. Harry couldn't see past the complete look of surprise that passed over his face the moment he realized he was going to fall through. He knew it was his fault and yet it seemed so sudden, like a blink of the eye and Sirius would be there, waiting for him at King's Cross to take him to Grimmauld Place. But that wasn't reality, no, Harry chastised himself, no, instead he had gotten his own godfather killed and with his death his last hope to a normal life. Instead of a warm hug at platform 9 3/4 he would be meeting the cold hard beady eyes of Uncle Vernon. He shivered in his seat. Hermione must have noticed because she was giving him the look. The look she had been giving him since she was released from the hospital wing. This look spoke volumes saying, "I know you are not okay and you should really just talk to someone Harry, it's not good to keep it all in," in her all knowing, I'm smarter than you voice. Sometimes Harry really wondered what would have happened to him if he had just let that damn sorting hat sort him into Slytherin like it wanted to. Really, what could be worse than where he was now- no family, superficial friends that looked down on him or were really just there for his fame, a stupid prophesy that only taught him that he should never have placed so much trust in Dumbledore, and a summer promising to be as painful as all those previous. No nothing could have been worse than now…
As the train pulled into to the station he could see a gang of redheads waiting on the platform. He really didn't want to deal with Molly Weasley right now. He could already picture the pity her eyes would hold and the suffocating hug he was sure to get. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew she meant well, but he really wasn't part of their family, was he? I mean they had seen the bars on the window and the cat flap in the door for food…. but still they didn't try to help him more, did they? No, they did not and while they may have warned the Dursleys that was not nearly enough. It was actually opposite in what he needed because it just wound Vernon up and he would definitely be preventing the "welcome home gift" he had received last year from their interference.
With this thought in mind Harry quickly excited the train, pushing past Ron, Hermione, Neville and Luna to get to Uncle Vernon before the order had a chance.
"Harry! Harry! Wait up mate! Why are you running?" Ron yelled after him just as he stepped foot on the platform.
"Sorry Ron gotta run, you know how the Dursleys don't like to wait too long! I'll write as soon as I can!" Harry sidestepped a Weasley, he wasn't sure which, as he kept his head facing straight and not making eye contact with anyone. He managed to make it to Uncle Vernon before the order caught up.
"I'm ready to go Uncle Vernon, sorry for making you wait." Harry said softly, eyes on the ground. He figured if he played his cards right he would just be sent to his room with no food.
"That's right boy you should be sorry, making us stand around with all these freaks like we're one of 'm. It's not right I tell you. Well get walking don't jus' stand there."
Harry heard a couple order members calling out for him but he just kept walking to the car park, not pausing once and trying to blend into the crowd. He knew he may get a letter from Dumbledore about his irresponsible behavior, but in this moment he didn't give two knuts about what the almighty Dumbledore had to say about him. Dumbledore was the one who left him with the Dursleys, Dumbledore purposefully kept the prophesy from him, Dumbledore made him participate in the triwizard tournament, and Dumbledore wouldn't teach him occlumency or at least have the decency to tell him he thought Voldemort could enter his mind the way he had, planting fake visions. There would be no thought to Dumbledore now, not when he was just trying to set his summer up so he could survive the Dursleys.
At the car Uncle Vernon huffed in acknowledgement of his existence and opened the boot so he could stash his trunk. Of course there was no help, and with no magic allowed to cast a feather-light charm, Harry struggled to get it in without scratching Uncle Vernon's precious car. At last he was buckled up with Hedwig hooting softly from her cage next to him in the backseat. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were rattling on in the front about some neighbor's kid and how their perfect Dudley should stay away from him this summer. It was rumored the kid sold drugs and robbed the local stores. Harry wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all as those are the rumors they perpetuated about him to the neighbors year after year. Eventually they pulled into the driveway of Number 4 Privet Drive in Little Whinging. Aunt Petunia got out of the car and without a backwards glance went to unlock the door to the house. Uncle Vernon opened the boot again but stepped to the side waiting for him. Harry did not like this move, not at all. Why would Vernon wait for him when he never did before?
With a slight tremble in his arms Harry got his trunk out of the car and dragged it towards the door with one hand, the other carrying Hedwig's cage and Uncle Vernon trailing closely behind him. Moody's "constant vigilance" flashed across his mind as he mentally prepared for what was coming, because he knew without a doubt something was. Just as he stepped foot across the threshold a sweaty, warm, meaty hand clamped around the scruff of his neck and threw him forward. As he tumbled to the ground he tried his best to not drop Hedwig as well.
"Listen here you good for nothing freak, you will do whatever we say while you are at home this summer and accept any punishments headed your way for whenever you don't- got it?!"
"Yes Uncle Vernon." Harry whispered, eyes on the ground.
"Now I don't want you sending any of those letters to those freaks either, or having any of those birds around. I won't have anyone threatening me in my house and you won't say a word will ya boy?!"
"No Uncle Vernon."
"That's right you jus' keep your head down and we'll have no problems. Now for punishment for that letter you had your headmaster send I'm thinking 10 whippings, how does that sound boy, fair?" Uncle Vernon sneered.
"What letter? I swear I didn't have anyone send you a letter!" Harry's mind raced frantically on the implications of Dumbledore sending a letter to the Dursleys and what it could have said as he removed his shirt.
"Don't you play games with me boy," Uncle Vernon exclaimed while sliding his belt out of his pants, "that headmaster of yours sent some letter about treating you right cause your godfather died, like we wouldn't be treating you exactly how you deserved to be treated! The nerve of those freaks questioning me! Vernon Dursley!"
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
"No Uncle Vernon, I know you treat me how I deserve, I swear I didn't say anything!" Harry whispered, trying to hold in his tears and screams.
"Don't you lie to me boy!"
WHACK! WHACK!
"How else would anybody know about how well we treat ya if you're not spouting off about us!"
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
"Hmmm what you have to say about yourself, freak?"
WHACK! WHACK!
"You're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Harry wheezed as the air was knocked out of him from the last blow against his back. He could feel the cooling effect of blood on his back as it was exposed to the air while it dripped into the waistband of his oversized jeans.
"That's right boy you're sorry, now tell me it won't happen again!" Dursley yelled holding his belt over Harry, poised to hit again.
"No Uncle Vernon, it won't happen again." Harry sighed, defeated. Then yelped at the sudden kick to his ribs. His glasses flew off his face as his head whipped back against the floor. He hadn't been ready for a kick he thought as he chided himself on not keeping his body taught in preparation while he was still in Uncle Vernon's sight.
"Ha ha ha! Look at the freak, can't even get up!" Dudley yelled from the door.
Picking Harry up from the ground by his hair Vernon spat in his face, "Get up off the floor boy, take your stuff up to your room and stay outta my sight until someone lets you out you hear!"
"Yes Uncle Vernon"
Harry picked his glasses up off the ground, grabbed Hedwig's cage and reached for his trunk.
"Ahh not so fast boy, where do you think you're going with that? It goes under the stairs, where you'll be next time you step outta line got it?!"
"Yes Uncle Vernon."
And with one last longing glance at his trunk as it was shoved into the cupboard under the stairs, his old room, Harry struggled up the stairs to his prison cell for the summer. All the way hating himself more and more for his part in killing the last of his hope left in the world, Sirius Black. And as he heard the last click of the last lock, in a long row of locks on the outside of his door, he saved a sliver of that hate for his headmaster and all the others in the wizarding world who had left him to this hell.
