Okay, a lovely piece of rambly mess for you all today :) Do enjoy and please leave me a review. This is for all the lovely friends I have made through Silent Witness (especially those who are feeling ill/crappy right now and need cheering up)
Disclaimer: I own nada. Well Ivy, Jamie and Isabella are mine... well Ivy is half mine (the other half belongs to Issy, who I hope is feeling better now :) )
Sleepless Nights
3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hours. 30240, no, make that 30241 minutes. Had it really been that long? You think so. Your brain is all hazy. This is what sleep deprivation does to you.
2 weeks, 6 days and 12 hours ago, Dr Alexander had been at home, watching TV as far as you were aware. You had been at work. As usual. Slightly jealous of Nikki. But all the more reason to hurry up with this report and get home to her as soon as possible. She'd spent the day with your 3 year old daughter. It is amazing how quickly children grow up!
You can't quite believe it has been 3 years since little Ivy was born. She'd been through so much in such a short time. But she was so perfect. A little angel. And, even though you don't believe in God, you thank God for every moment you have with her. Because, other than Nikki, she is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
2 weeks, 6 days, 11 hours and 45 minutes ago, you had received a text message.
My waters have broken. Going to hospital, your Mum has Ivy. N xxx
Your response? You jumped up, ran out of the door towards your car. Reached the car. Went to look for keys in your bag. Realised bag was still in office. Ran back.
Leo watched you as this occurred. He laughed hysterically as you ran back in to the office.
"In a rush, Harry?"
"No... yes... guess so. Her waters have broken."
"It's a little early, isn't it?" Not quite sure why Leo said this, he knew how early babies could come. Janet had had her twins very early but Nikki was further along than Janet had been.
"Only 4 weeks, it's not that early, not for twins at least. That's why you've had her on maternity leave for a month and a half already."
2 weeks, 6 days and 11 hours ago, you met Nikki at the hospital after Leo had to drive you there. You were a wreck. Shaking - both with excitement and nerves. Your two new babies were to be born soon. Very soon if how quickly Ivy had arrived was anything to go by. Ivy's birth had been so scary and dramatic with everything seeming to go wrong but this time the babies were both healthy and the doctor said he expected it to be much easier than before.
These two babies had been planned, carefully planned - although you weren't expecting two. That you definitely weren't expecting. Although was a very pleasant surprise when you found out. You'd chosen not to know the sex of these two but secretly you wanted at least one little boy. A little boy for you to take to Duxford to see the planes, a little boy who wanted to be a pilot just like his Daddy did when he was little. You knew Nikki didn't care either way.
2 weeks, 6 days and 9 hours ago, Nikki was squeezing your hand tightly as the contractions got closer and closer. She was going to kill you in a minute. You were certain of that. You'd agreed that you were going to catch the babies, the same as you'd agreed for Ivy. And then you were to pass them straight to Nikki. She needed to cuddle them. It hadn't been that straight forward when it had come to Ivy, so it seemed even more important this time.
2 weeks, 6 days, 6 hours and 30 minutes ago, the doctors were telling Nikki to push, she was exhausted. Virtually given up by that stage, You weren't surprised. It had already been 6 hours. Ivy had been born in slightly less than that! You caught the first little one. A little boy, you cuddled him briefly before cutting his cord and handing him straight to Nikki. She cradled him, staring at his little face. He was perfect.
"All ten fingers and toes?" You joked. You'd said this when Ivy was born despite all the other serious things going on. Nikki had said that was why she had wanted to cuddle Ivy, just to check.
Despite everything Nikki laughed, and actually counted.
"Yes, all there, our little baby." She was so happy, almost like she'd forgotten she still had the second one to come.
"Jamie?" You had decided on possible names, Jamie was always going to be your little boy's name, from when Nikki was pregnant with Ivy.
Nikki nodded, and passed him to you. You could see another contraction ripple through her body as she clenched her teeth. You gave him to the nurse to weigh and measure him. He looked about the same size Ivy had been.
2 weeks, 6 days, 6 hours and 12 minutes ago, You caught baby number 2. A little girl. A gorgeous little girl, you could see instantly that she had her mother's eyes and hair colour, unlike Ivy who had dark hair like you. One of each, just like Janet and Leo's twins. Nikki reached out for her daughter. Cradling her in her arms just like she had Jamie.
"Isabella May" Nikki whispered, clearly exhausted. You took your newest daughter back and handed her to the nurse, who gave you Jamie in return.
"Hello, Little Man, I'm your Daddy and that, over there, sleeping, is your Mummy. She loves you very much, just like I do." You spoke to your Son. He squirmed slightly and whimpered a little before falling asleep in your arms. It was perfect.
2 weeks, 6 days and 5 hours ago, you were sat in Nikki's hospital room holding Isabella, whilst Nikki held Jamie. Your Mum was a couple of minutes away, coming to see her new grandchildren and bringing little Ivy with her. Ivy would be excited. She was looking forward to having new "friends" to play with. You hadn't quite been able to tell her they weren't going to be able to play with her for a little while yet, that they were too small to run about and play hide and seek with.
You were excited to introduce Ivy to the babies; you knew she'd love them instantly. But when she walked in with your mother she seemed so reluctant to see them.
"Ivy, princess? This is your new little sister, Isabella." Ivy looked at you, wary of the baby you were holding. "Come and say Hello then!"
She walked over, and lifted her small hand up to Isabella's head, and very gently, stroked her little tuft of hair.
"Is—Bwellarr?" she asked, curious about the little baby. You loved her lisp, Nikki hated it, wanted her to speak properly which we knew, when prompted to, she could.
"Yes that's right, and Mummy is holding Jamie." She skipped over to her Mummy and touched Jamie's nose very lightly, but he woke from the touch and started crying, very loudly.
This woke Isabella up and she also began crying. You looked over to Ivy, her lip was trembling. Half a second later and all your babies were crying. You didn't quite know what to do. You wanted to hug Ivy and tell her it wasn't her fault but you needed to calm little Isabella down first.
Once the babies calmed down, you put Isabella in to her cot, you picked up Ivy and sat her on your lap. She was still crying slightly. She wasn't used to Mummy and Daddy not listening to her when she was crying.
"It's okay, princess, it's not your fault. They are babies they get scared and cry a lot." You tried to comfort her, cuddling her. You really hated seeing her upset. She had you wrapped around her little finger from the day you first found out about her.
2 weeks, 6 days and 1 hour ago, Ivy was asleep on your lap, Mum was asleep in the chair and Nikki was asleep in her bed. The babies were both awake, and fussing. They definitely weren't hungry; they had been fed not half an hour ago, and burped so it wasn't that. They just wanted attention. So, you picked Jamie up, cuddled him to your chest and rocked him gently, humming a tune to a song that you didn't even know the name of but it seemed to calm him down and send him to sleep almost instantly. You placed him back in his cot and picked up his younger sister and repeated the process.
2 weeks, 4 days and 18 hours ago, you brought the twins home. Placed them straight in their Moses baskets and they went straight to sleep. No fuss, nothing.
Ivy, on the other hand, wanted attention. She had barely had any time to play with her Mummy and Daddy, Grandpa Leo and Janet were more interested in the twins that playing with Ivy and the same had gone for her Grandma. Promise and William had been around but being that slight bit older they had decided that Ivy was too small for them to play with now.
So you were lying in your little girls bed, cuddled up to her whilst she told you all about her day and nursery and how much she loved her new teacher and how much she hated Peter, the boy who sat next to her all the time and kept pulling her hair. You'd have to talk to her teacher about that one. She was a little chatterbox once she got started!
"Daddy?" She asked. You knew the tone of voice she was using. She was going to ask you something difficult. Something you'd usually let Nikki answer or distract her from the real answer with toys.
"Yes, Princess?" You were dreading whatever came next.
"Why don't Jaaamie and Isbwellarr have a scar like me?" Oh god. You had explained that she was a little different from other children, that her heart was special, but never properly told her about the operation she had had soon after her birth.
"Well, you remember Mummy and I told you about your special heart?" She nodded, "Well, when you were even smaller than you are now..."
"Like Jaaamie and Isbwellarr?" She interrupted loudly. You put your finger to her lips to warn her not to be too loud.
"Yes... Like the twins. Anyway, when you were that little, the doctors had to make your heart very special so they had to look at it under your skin." She looked at yoy. You weren't sure if she was horrified or confused.
"So... Doctor looked inside me and made my heart special? And then when they stop looking they left scar? Not you though? Even though you are doctor?" She seemed intrigued. God knows what she'd ask when she found out what Nikki and you did for a job, doctor was enough of a description for now!
"No it wasn't Daddy who looked, Daddy wasn't allowed to look, but yes that is right." She seemed satisfied with this answer and cuddled up in to your chest.
"Love you, Daddy." It melted your heart every time she told you she loved you. You brushed her hair off her face and within moments she was out like a light.
"Love you too, Princess." You whispered against her forehead as you pressed a kiss there. You carefully untangled yourself from her arms and went to check on the twins.
You were surprised to see Nikki awake with both twins lying on her chest.
"They won't settle. Every time I get one to go to sleep, the other wakes up and then I put them back in the Moses basket and they wake up again." She was obviously frustrated and exhausted. It hadn't been easy when Ivy was born, let alone the having two babies and a 3 year old to cope with.
You took Jamie off her; he looked so much like you it was unbelievable, Leo had already taken to calling him Harry. And Promise, forever copying her Dad had joined in, not quite understanding the joke though.
He settled almost instantly in your arms, Nikki scowled at you, upset that you could get him to settle and she, his own mother, couldn't. You placed him in the Moses basket and he stayed asleep.
You then took Isabella from Nikki who, begrudgingly, gave her to you. It was if your own wife resented you in that moment. You kissed Nikki as you cradled your baby in your arms.
"She's so perfect, Nikki, they both are."
"I know, I love them so much, but I can't help but feel like and awful mother. I can't get them to go to sleep and Ivy is avoiding me like the plague." She was on the verge of tear. Isabella could sense it and began to whimper herself.
"Oh Nikki, you aren't a bad Mummy, the twins are being fussy and Ivy knows that you are busy with the twins so is leaving you alone." You passed Isabella back to Nikki and she instantly calmed and with it so did Nikki. you climbed in to bed and cuddled up to your girls. Just holding Nikki and making her feel better. She'd felt like this after Ivy was born, but it had been worse then, with everything that Ivy had to go through. It didn't take long for both to fall asleep. You carefully lifted Isabella from Nikki's arms and placed her in her crib.
Just as you thought you were going to get some sleep, Ivy came in to your room and got in to your bed, believing you and Nikki were asleep. She cuddled up to her mother and spread herself out over your side of the bed, pulling the entirety of the duvet off you. Just great.
1 week, 3 days and 15 hours ago, you picked Ivy up from nursery; your Mum had been doing it the past week and a half since the twins were born. She was bouncing with excitement for some reason as you went to speak to her teacher about this boy, Peter, she had told you about.
You quickly told her about the situation with the boy who had supposedly been pulling your little girls hair. The teacher said she was aware and it wasn't just Ivy he had been hurting. His family were being spoken to and he was being moved class.
You quickly realised why Ivy was excited as you got in to the car.
"When are we going to see the ducks? Mummy said we take Isbwellarr and Jaaamie to see the duckies!"
Ahh yes the ducks, Nikki had been rather attached to them since she was pregnant with Ivy and, although you had since moved, you still visited the same ducks all the time.
The double pram was out, you'd borrowed it from Leo and Janet, they didn't exactly use it now that Promise and William are 3 and a half. It had cost a small fortune so it was great that it was getting a second use.
You pushed the pram whilst Nikki held tightly on to Ivy's hand, you'd thought you had lost her once in Tesco's whereas in reality she was just around the corner with your mum but ever since Nikki wouldn't let go of her hand. Ivy squealed when she saw the ducks and tried to drag her mother towards the pond.
"Ivy, wait!" You called after her. Too late. She tripped and Nikki didn't catch her quick enough. The sound as she hit the pavement sickened you. There was a nasty sounding crack an then a high pitched scream.
Nikki picked her up and cradled her in her arms, sobbing herself, seeing her little girl hurt was not fun. It was obvious that her arm was broken just from looking at it. And her chin had a nasty graze.
"Nikki, give her to me, I'll carry her, you push the pram, we have to take her to A&E." You picked up your little princess and carried her back to the car. She didn't stop crying for one minute even though you tried to sooth her. You hated seeing her upset.
1 week, 3 days and 8 hours ago, you were just being let out from A&E. Nikki had taken the twins home long ago and left them with your mother. You were carrying a now sleeping Ivy, who had a cast on her arm, and had your arm around a virtually asleep Nikki.
Another sleepless night. You hadn't slept a wink since the twins were born, but you'd treasured every moment. Of course it would only happen to your family, you were always so disaster prone. You sat at the end of Ivy's bed all night, comforting her when she woke up confused or in pain.
1 day, 5 hours and 37 minutes ago, Leo had called you in for a horrible case, you couldn't exactly say no, not when it had been a shooting at a nursery school. Broke your hearts every time you saw the children, all 15 of them, lying on the slab. You thought of Ivy, of Promise and William. These children were the same age as yours. It was awful.
You worked throughout the night to finish the PMs, to find who did this and then, 4 hours, 24 minutes and 38 seconds ago, you had got the call. They had caught him. A mass murderer. Thank god. It was moments like that you wished the death penalty still existed. But it finally meant you could go home.
Which brings you to now. Case closed, justice done. 3 weeks since you last slept, just under three weeks since your beautiful babies had been born, and, finally, you had Nikki cuddled up to you and your elder daughter cuddled up to her. And, finally, you can close my eyes and sleep.
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WAAA WAAAA WAAAA
No, scrap that, one of the twins is awake. Better go see to them.
Thanks for reading please review, even if just a few words, it always makes my day :)
Sorry for any mistakes. I've edited out most but if you see any more please let me know :)
Lizzi
xxx
