Dear Recording,
Jimmy says that it's meant to say 'Dear Diary' at the top of the page, but I have yet to understand that term and therefore shall stay with my aforementioned 'Recording'. Which is exactly what this is.
I have become a tad lonely lately. This has never bothered me before, but that tiny ache that started in the pit of my stomach has only grown worse. I believe it may have something to do with my adjourned trip to the 'Outside World' a week ago. Uriel had warned me that mingling with the 'Mud Monkeys' (as he is so fond of calling them) would only lead to certain disaster. I find this completely untrue.
Having lived the majority of my long existence for the most part alone or with my fellow kin, I have not gained what is best described as a social polish. Gabriel is the first to call me a 'Socially Retarded Pariah'. I thought the name calling a tad harsh at the time, but now I must face the truth of this statement if the stint to the market is anything to go by.
It was after I had the argument with Uriel and I needed to get out of this house; this prison of mine. Oh I have known how to leave the house for a long time now, but until now I have never seen a need to have to do so. I was strictly told to stay in that house and I am obedient and loyal. But now I am beginning to have my doubts. And that scares me.
So I had to get away. I physically could not take the pressure on my abdomen any longer and I had difficulty breathing. So I stole away underneath the massive hole I had come upon one day on a nice stroll outside and made off towards the nearest town.
The entire affair was a complete disaster that resulted in a harsh punishment and I am being watched now more than ever. I do not think what I did should result in such a punishment, but I was later informed that Zachariah was in a terrible mood because some human hunter at the Corporation had the gall to punch him in the face. Luckily, Zachariah doesn't know that mostly everyone had cheered a little at hearing that. It's difficult to really like Zachariah.
Jimmy has even been found out, but thankfully it was by Balthazar and he let it go and promised not to tell the others. He told me he understood the need for some outside company. He looked so sad at the time and I had no words that could comfort him so I kept silent.
I'm just glad he didn't exorcise Jimmy being as how he's my only friend that's not related to me. Even if he's a ghost.
Jimmy and I had a chance meeting when I had first begun exploring the new mansion that Raphael had moved me to. He told me that as the youngest in the garrison I was ill equipped to help them out. It saddens me how little faith they put in me. I would do anything within my power to help my brothers and sisters and they know that. But I won't question Raphael's decision. I just wish I didn't have to be all alone in the house in the middle of nowhere Kansas.
I seem to have strayed from the original topic. Jimmy told me that he had been murdered in the basement while trying to protect his wife and daughter. A sad tale indeed, but I find him beyond courageous and he informs me of many things about the outside world that otherwise I would not know about.
We had discovered that he could move anywhere around the house with me instead of being tethered in the room where he had been murdered. This is unprecedented I discovered later on as I researched the topic on ghosts more thoroughly in the well equipped library.
This might be an effect of being in the presence of an angel. I'll have to inquire further to one of my brothers. Perhaps Baltazar will be able to explain it to me the next time he visits. Though he is very busy with work at the Corporation and I would hate to distract him in any way.
Though Jimmy tells me that he doubts anyone will stop by after my little stunt I pulled at the market. I was unaware that paper bills were necessary for acquiring an apple. I highly deem it unworthy of an Angel of the Lord requiring a need to purchase something that the Lord has bestowed upon us all. Jimmy says that that is the way of the world. Humans, I have discovered, are very unusual indeed.
I wish to know more about them, but I must stay here as my brother's have commanded. So instead I ask Jimmy my questions. Most he can answer easily, but others even he, with all his knowledge on human life, finds difficult to explain.
Like my question about why he was still here on Earth, without peace, even though he surely belongs in Heaven for all his loyalty. He told me it was because he missed his family. That was one emotion I did understand. I miss my family. In that way I am identical to Jimmy. Able to see my family and know that they are okay, but unable to help them. Jimmy tells me that I can still help them and that I need to prove it to them. I find this an impossible task if I am meant to stay in this house and rot. Jimmy merely shakes his head and leaves when I try to explain this to him and I am not sure what that gesture implies.
It's been a week since I traveled to the outside world and I am feeling lonelier than ever. It had been so noisy and crowded in that market, a complete contrast to my quiet and empty house. Jimmy told me that it is always like that. I wish to know more, but I cannot disobey orders again. I'm finding it harder and harder to stay.
Castiel
A/N: It's short but... meh. They'll get longer.
So! Hey howdy hey~ This is my first Supernatural AND Slash fiction and I am super duper excited! I've been a crazy Destiel fangirl for a while now and really it was only a matter of time before I started a story. But anywooo, enjoy please and if you review special things will happen to you. Special things being like... A FREE LLAMA! (and by free I mean nonexistent-terms and conditions apply.)
