A/N- I was bored and this just kind of came out… My attempt at a humorous one-shot… A stupid/random Vaan and Balthier thingy… Yeah…. It is gay. I mean, Balthier flirts with everyone sooooo….why not? Enjoy.
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The Strahl steadily sailed along among a sea of clouds. Balthier sat alone in the cockpit when a certain young lad entered. Vaan was obviously bored out of his mind and, in a sad attempt to entertain himself, conjured up a question for Balthier. The way Vaan slinked over towards Balthier, with a stupid grin on his face, Balthier had reason to grow a bit worried.
"Uhh, Vaan? Might I be so bold as to ask what in the hell-"
"Balthier, wanna screw?"
" you….are…..doing?..." A blank expression flowed over the sky pirate's features. "Vaan? Explain yourself…" Vaan just grinned. "Now."
"Don't get so bent outta shape! I was just trying to prove something!"
"…That your mind is the size of a walnut?" Vaan glared. "Acorn?"
"No! We were talking and the subject came up… and I didn't believe it so they told me to come and ask." Vaan grinned, happy with his explanation. Balthier smirked.
"And who, might I ask, is this we you speak of?" Vaan just stood there.
"I-… She just said that she thinks you are… well…"
"A flaming homosexual?"
"Not in those exact words but…" Vaan flashed a weak smile. How was he gonna get outta this one? Balthier than rose from his seat and slowly walked his way over to the silly boy.
"Now I'm assuming you came in here with the intent of pestering, maybe even embarrassing, me to save yourself from boredom. Am I correct?" Vaan just stared. "And let's pretend, for the sake of conversation, that I answered your question honestly and you were stuck with an answer that you, my friend, were not expecting when you came in here. An answer you were not prepared for." Balthier stepped right up to Vaan, and he didn't move a muscle. "Then I would need to ask you if your intent was to merely get on my nerves or obtain some filthy information that would help you, not to say on me, out in the long run." Vaan's eyes grew wide and his voice frantic.
"I-, I was just trying to prove-"Balthier placed his hands on Vaan's shoulders.
"Now Vaan," His voice grew serious, the playful tone had left him. "I know who put you up to this, for she is the only one with a sense of humor this… twisted, and yet I blame my self for that… Tell me, do you believe what she has put in to your head?" Vaan didn't make a sound. "So you do? Well then, is this something that would trouble you?" Again, Vaan didn't move. "Well, does it bother you because you have a dislike of people of that sort? Or would it bother you, not because you consider yourself of that sort, but feel a questionable curiosity to the impulse?"
At that last phrase Vaan lost eye contact and looked hastily to the floor. He felt the sky pirate's vision locked on him but he couldn't move. "Balthier? What are-"
"Now, it's painfully obvious that I am not going to get a proper answer out of you any time soon. So let me ask you one last question… What would you do if I, let's say, kissed you? Right here and now? What would you do?" A hint of that teasing tone came back. "Hmmmm?" Vaan turned a bright red.
"Wha? Have you lost it Balthier!?!?!" Vaan finally decided to join the conversation at that. "I wasn't accusing you of anything! And I'm definitely not-…… "
Just outside the cockpit…
"Silence? Heh, humes are so exceedingly comical. " And with that the Viera went off to unearth something else to quench her boredom.
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A/N- Heh, heh…heh. Leave the rest up to your imagination. You bunch of sickos!!! . …heh…
