I Swear, I Do
Disclaimer: a computer room definitely doesn't look like an executive office. Enough said.
A/N: I finally got some inspiration to write this. This is the sequel to "Do you Love me?" but you don't really need to read the first one to understand it. This 'sequel' probably, definitely, wasn't what you'd expect from a sequel. Hopefully it doesn't butcher the prequel. Review please :)
Ps: this means flashbacks
White halls, linoleum floors, and the signature scent of something far too clean. Something about it seemed far too similar than I'd like to believe. Something about it seemed attracting, pulling me further with every step I took. The look of endless halls, and worried faces had a sense of familiarity plastered over top of the reality that made it a place to fear.
Fear. The one emotion plaguing me each second that I wandered past people, each with fear of their own. The one emotion washing over me like a tidal wave, for every step I took further. The emotion that haunted me as I dragged my fingers across these never ending walls.
But yet I was drawn back. The need to see those chocolate eyes drew me back each time. Suppressing fear and anxiety, I gave myself hope, longing for that smile, that touch, that presence that gave me the strength I so desperately needed.
She brought me back here. Only she could bring ease to this place, only her.
Everyday of every week, of every month, for the past year, my undying need to see her brought me here. Brought me to this place that could kill any hope I'd acquired during since I had last left. But that was the only thing that kept me going, knowing it would not be the last time I'd see her gentle features.
Our heated arguments had long been over, and they'd been replaced by a calming silence, or one sided chat. She wouldn't speak to me, no matter how much I wished she would. She wouldn't look at me with those warm brown eyes, despite her love for me.
It had been a year. A long year, filled with passion, hate, and the undying feeling of wanting justice to be served. It had been a year too long since we shared that first kiss, that was hopefully not our last. And it was a year that each day I'd hope to never see these endless white walls again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I sat on the cold, hard sand, simply waiting for her to arrive. I'd text messaged her, not even moments before, but she was already approaching me, smiling and at ease. I wish she could see it.
"You called?" She asks me, "Actually, text messaged" I answered, smirking to lighten the mood between us. Simple chit-chat brought my spirits up, until she asked what I'd called her here for. This was taking courage, and a lot of it. Her laugh startled me out of my thoughts. Perhaps this wasn't such a great idea. Perhaps this was a terrible idea.
I shrugged it off, telling her a simple "Nevermind" before getting up to leave. She pulled me down and attempted to force it out of me. Best friends could always tell when something was wrong.
That endless monotone pang reached my ears for the first time today. It was just as familiar as the rest of the building had become. I knew the sound as well as I knew the back of my own hand, and I knew it meant things were still the same; never changing, as the past year had been.
A feeling of guilt rested deep into the pits of my stomach as I slid ever carefully into the uncomfortable blue chair I'd become accustomed to. It's where I'd been for three hours of each day, of each month, for the past year. The past miserable, horrible year.
Placing a fresh bouquet of roses into the vase next to me, I trashed the old daisies from the week prior. The room smelt of vanilla and lavender, the signature scent of the girl before me. Her features were delicate, and she radiated a certain glow that just made me hope more than ever.
The screech the chair made as I shifted it closer, irritated my ears, but it was still all too well known to me. Day after day, the same sounds surrounding me, making me beg to hear her laughter, her voice, anything that would give me hope for days to come.
False wishes were all they were. Fully knowing this could be the end, and not close to the beginning. Pressing the thought further back into my mind and choosing to bring forth those that were optimistic, I reached out and took her hand in mine. It was soft, and small, just as I remembered it to be.
"Do you love me?" I asked her, hopeful. There had been rumors around campus that she felt the way I felt towards her. No one had really known about my soft spot for her, except maybe Chase and Michael. The rest of the school just considered us Best friends.
"Of course I do, we're best friends" Apparently, she sided with the majority of campus.
The smile that I once had, almost instantly disappeared. That fifteenth birthday present was not more than an elaborate lie, and it when it used to give hope, simply now reminded me that this was one sided.
In a swift motion, I ripped the chain from my neck. The chain engraved "Logan, I love you" was nothing more than a reminder that all hope was lost.
The chain dropped to the sand and I bolted back to my dorm. How could I have been so stupid? A gorgeous girl like her going for her best friend? I doubt it, when she could have any guy in the school. She would never want someone like me; so much for wishful thinking.
"School was good today" I spoke to her, "Nothing too spectacular. Chase ran into the gym doors again on his way to Phys. Ed, can you believe that kid?"
As always, she never responds.
"Zoey's as clueless as ever, you think she would've figured it out. Oh, and Lola got the lead in the school play." I smiled, hopeful she was listening, "Remember that game I told you Michael spent three months allowance on? He lost it last night, I was howling. Nicole got a new boyfriend too, Jake. It was kind of awkward yesterday when he took your seat at the lunch table, but none of us said anything."
"And me? Same old stuff." And somehow a sigh escaped my lips, "I wish something cool would happen, things are boring. Except, the basketball championships are next week. It's a miracle we made it this far without you on the team"
She still held no response for me as I gripped her hand lightly.
As I laid silently in my dorm, I heard a knock on the door. Mustering up the best smile I could, I answered the door, thinking the DA was coming around for dorm checks. That smile faded when I locked eyes with a brunette girl, her.
"Oh, Its you" was all I could say. "Yup, its me" she answered back. "Well, now that we've established that, I think I'll be closing my door" Why was I being such a jerk to her? To her, my best friend, the girl I was in love with.
After asking to talk, I stepped outside of my dorm, shutting the door quietly behind me. She asked me what happened back there, and then wondered out loud what I had wanted to say. After a few glares, she dug it out of me. Two seconds before I responded, she answered me with a "Yes Logan, I love you."
I was the happiest guy in the world, until "Of course I do, you're my best friend" met my ears. So much for hoping. She could see I was upset as I went to return to my dorm.
A hand reached out and entwined my fingers with its own, "Logan, I love you" She told me once again. I sensed it was a desperate ploy to cheer me up.
"We're best friends, right, of course we love each other" A desperate attempt to fake happiness. After a few more "I love you"'s and the return of the chain I'd so forcefully snapped, we said our goodbyes and I turned towards my room for what I thought would be the last time that night.
Instead, I turned right back around to receive a kiss from the girl who'd told me only moments ago that she loved me, and let me clarify, it was the best moment of my life.
This seemed like nothing more than an endless dream from which my body refused to wake me from. No matter how much I wished to wake up to the sound of my alarm clock and realize this was nothing more than a dream, I knew that that morning would never come. I knew I had to face the fact that this was happening, and that this place of masked fear was reality for me, and that blissful thoughts could not change a thing.
As I stood to leave, gracefully gesturing goodbye, and promising to be back tomorrow, it dawned on me as it does everyday. Tomorrow could be that new beginning, the one I'd been holding onto for the past year. The one I longed for with each and every fiber of my being.
I hoped for her. And I hoped that somehow, that what I've known as familiar would soon be nothing but a place in my past where I could leave all my worries of having to live without her.
And as I stepped out of that hospital room for the 365th time since the coma imprisoned her amidst these white walls and endless halls, I wished I could be back in that moment. The one where I'd ask her, "Dana, do you love me?" and her eyes would sparkle, and she'd reply, "I swear, I do"
A/N: I hope its not disappointing, I just wanted to write it, and for some reason, this just came to me. Review please.
