Disclaimer: Fate/Stay Night is the work of Kinoko Nasu
A hero's life is ridden with misery. It is full of guilt, pain, suffering and constant second-guessing. If I had known, I would've, should've, could've done better. If only I reacted in time, if only I foresaw…
But in Avalon, we heroes rest. We gaze out onto the green meadows and try to forget how many we've slaughtered in meadows just like these, we look into the glittering depths of a lake and try to forget how many times a lake like this had been had been turned crimson by our own hands.
It's the place where we heroes will all end up, the "resting place" to "reward" us for our hard work. – To spend the rest of eternity trying to forgive, or at least forget the sins we have committed.
I suppose time, or lack thereof, helps. The memories fade and lose their sharpness as the days parade by, but never do they leave completely.
Unlike what many think, Avalon is not a utopia, it is simply an enclosed community of lonely, haunted souls, each trying to keep their own demons at bay.
And that is why I know I will never see you again, because despite your bizarre hero's complex, despite your dream to be a protector of justice and to save people, you are nothing. You cannot compare to the likes of us, the true heroes.
You will never kill, never sacrifice entire towns and villages like I had to protect the rest. You are too kind, too gentle to bear seeing others suffer, even if it is for the greater good. You are not fit to be a hero or a protector of justice Emiya Shirou; and while there are people who will regard this as an insult, I say it with happiness and relief.
For although your name will never be recorded in history's pages, although your accomplishments will never be heard by children with wide, innocent eyes, although your actions will never inspire others to be great, you will be safe.
You will be safe from the immense guilt of your disastrous failures, you will be safe from the crippling grief as you watch families fall into despair over their lost son, brother or father, you will be safe from the accusatory glares of the ghosts whose lives you took.
You will be safe from the memories of pain, agony and despair, from the sickening sound of crunching bones, the squelching, muffled scream of steel against flesh, from the sound of someone's last dying breath, from the stench of disease, death and despair that permeates everything in war. Most important of all, you will be safe from Avalon.
And that is more than what I, Arturia Pendragon, can ever ask for.
