You know when you're stuck in a nightmare and you feel like there's no escape? Like not even pinching yourself with a pair of needle point pliers a thousand times could wake you up and you're terrified out of your mind? So terrified that you're anxiety just sky rockets and you feel like your heart's about to spontaneously combust?
Yeah. That's exactly how I was feeling the day I showed up in a fictional world.
Everything was all fine and dandy beforehand; I cheated on my diet with a candy apple, I scored a 95% on my midterm and I was going to go home and nap for a good, I dunno, say thirteen hours or so, but no; everything had to be ruined by one drunk idiot, or so I assume, who had to fucking flatten me like a pancake. I was walking for once to actually get in some much needed exercise and was crossing the street when it all went down.
They say your life flashes before your eyes and then you see a bright light and poof, you're gone. That shit didn't happen to me. One second I'm happily skipping across the pedestrian walk with my sugary snack and the next there's a screeching of tires and a blinding pain and crunching noises. From there on it was dark. And I mean like can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face dark, like I think I'm in a deep dark cellar in some dude's basement dark. It was the most horrifying moment of my life, or well, afterlife I guess.
And then I blinked and suddenly I'm lying in the middle of a little forest. The sun was out and shining through the trees and lighting up the little specs of dust and dirt you can always spot floating around, birds were chirping, squirrels were getting it on like Donkey Kong in the bushes and the grass was crunching under my body like you were stepping on autumn leaves. The image would have been beautiful if it wasn't for my utter confusion. I had lied there completely confused for probably an hour, just staring at everything my eyes could see without actually having to move. I even blinked a few times hoping the image would change, but it never did.
Then I started to panic; my heart rate sped up and my breathing became so laboured I was panting like a dog in summer. So I did what any other rational girl in my position would do.
I screamed.
I screamed until my lungs hurt and my voice grew hoarse and that was followed by bawling like a baby.
There was no way I was in my little ho dunk town anymore. We had no forests around for miles and there was no way I would have made it to one after getting crushed by a Ford F150 on a hunk of concrete. So I lied there and cried, still not moving, until I had no more tears to shed. Then I just stared again for the next while.
Eventually I decided to get my lazy depressing ass up and try and figure out what I was going to do and that's when I realized something very very disturbing.
I… was short. Like, max five feet tall when before I was probably close to five foot eight inches. And that wasn't even the worst part. Oh, no.
I was also nude.
As if my day couldn't get any worse right? First I die and then I shrink by almost a foot and am nude in a goddamn forest in the middle of nowhere. This was probably karma for eating that candy apple, though I think the powers that be went a little overboard.
So now I had to figure out some way to get clothing and where the hell I was. If I had to Tarzan this bitch, I guess that's what it would have to take, right?
Fortunately I didn't have to wait for very long. The next thing I knew I could hear humming somewhere not very far away and it sounded feminine. As embarrassing as it would be I knew this was my only chance to possibly get some answers and maybe a pair of undies or something.
Following the noise, it didn't take me long to find an elderly lady strolling around a clearing picking flowers and humming a tune I'd never heard before. What threw me off mostly though was that she was also very short, shorter than me even and wore a dress that made her seem like she had stepped out of some old nursery rhyme like old Mother Hubbard. Her short white hair was curly and I was thrown off briefly by the prominent point of her ears, but that was nothing compared to her ginormously large hairy feet that were just caked in mud like nobody's business. I even had to look down at my own feet and reach up to touch my ears to try and figure out if I was like her, scared that I had mutated more than I already had, but thankfully I found I was normal. Aside from my sudden lack of height that is. And I think my stomach was rounder than I remembered too…
But enough of that. The sweet looking old lady was still oblivious to my creeping from the bushes and I figured it was time to rectify that. Not that I was going to jump out and yell 'surprise!' or anything, no; I just wanted to call her over to simply ask for some help.
Thankfully when I stood at my full height the bush covered everything of me except for my head so I was able to raise my hand and wave while calling out to her.
"Um, excuse me? Ma'am?" I tried just loud enough to hopefully have her hear me, but I was so surprised at my own voice and how deep it had become that I almost didn't notice her startle and spin around from the other side of the clearing. Dude… I almost sounded, well, dude-ish.
"Yes? Who's there?" she called back. I could just see her eyes squinting in my direction.
"Um… Uh…" I stumbled. I'm dead; my old name shouldn't matter anymore. Quick! Think of something! She's staring! "Um… Pop… ple… tof…?" My voice trailed off at the end and I felt like smacking myself in my stupidity. Poppletof? Really? That sounded more like gibberish a seven-year-old would rattle off! But what was done was done; she had heard me and it was obvious by the curious look on her face. My real name was actually Penelope, which was close to my new name I guess, but the important thing was that I could probably still use my nickname so I didn't get confused.
"Poppletof? That is an interesting name," the old woman said as she began making her way in my direction. Instinctively I coward further behind my bush. "From where do you hail, child?"
From where do I hail? Jesus, I must have some weird medieval afterlife shit going on. I could see her watching me from a few safe feet away and thought fast. This obviously wasn't my country or even my own world; the lady had pointy ears and big foot feet for fucks sake! So, when in doubt, play dumbass. "Er, I, uh, don't know."
"You don't know?"
"Nope. Amnesia," I blurted.
The woman gasped and a hand fluttered to her chest as a look of pity overcame her wrinkled features. "You poor dear," she mumbled almost to herself. "Goodness, you must be dreadfully terrified."
"Uh, yeah, actually I am," I admitted with a small shrug and watched as the woman came a few steps closer. "I don't know where I am, I don't know where I came from. It's… horrific."
Smooth.
"You poor thing," she tsked. "Well, you may be pleased to know you are in the Shire, Hobbiton to be exact."
My eyes almost fell out of their sockets at the mention of the place. I was in Hobbiton? Weren't Hobbits those little people from those Lord of the Rings movies? I glanced at the woman's feet again and it clicked in my mind that I had somehow been sent into that world. I swear I would have fainted if old mother Hubbard hadn't have kept talking.
"Come now, dearie, how about I find you something to eat?"
It was a sweet offer, my stomach even let off a rumble of agreement, but there was still the small matter of my nudity that had to be considered.
"That's very nice of you," I began nervously. "But I have a small problem. I, um, don't have any clothes…"
"Don't have any-!" She cut herself off with a gasp of shock and my cheeks immediately reddened in embarrassment.
"Yeah, I kind of woke up in the forest back that way," I said while pointing a thumb over my shoulder back to the way I came. "And I didn't have any clothes on."
"Oh, you poor thing!" she cried and promptly discarded her basket of flowers onto the ground before reaching up and undoing the clasp of her cape thing from around her neck and offering it to me. "Here, this shall do before we get to my hole."
I was kind of confused at what she meant by 'hole' because it was absurd for someone to actually live in a real hole, but I disregarded it and accepted the cape with a grateful nod. Considering she was much smaller than me I was pretty surprised that the knitted object of clothing fit well enough around me to cover my goodies and moved around the bush to her side. She bent over to pick up her basket again then wrapped her free arm around my shoulders, which was quite difficult for her I might add, before she began leading me away from the clearing.
"Thank you again, ma'am," I mumbled still in embarrassment, but the woman merely waved her wrinkled hand in a dismissive manner.
"Nonsense! I don't have the heart to leave a poor soul such as yourself out here in the forest. And you may call me Hyacinthe, dear girl," the old woman replied as we continued to shuffle along. I mouthed the name curiously and furrowed my brow in confusion hoping I'd be able to remember it.
"Oh, than I guess you can call me Poppy," I told her after a short pause.
The old woman tutted while shaking her head as we skirted around a large tree. "I tell you, you appearing gave me a shock for sure. Strange for a Dwarf to be showing up in these parts, naked no less! And with no memory!" Hyacinthe made a sound that resembled something like a grumble. I wasn't too sure what it was really because I was suddenly distracted by what she said.
"Dwarf?!" I cried and almost stumbled over a tree root. Hyacinthe's arm around my shoulders steadied me.
"Goodness! You must have gotten one nasty bump on the noggin if you don't even remember what you are, dearie," she exclaimed. Yeah, one hell of a bump. Try three tons plus of pressure worth.
"Um, yeah, I guess so."
"Ah, here we are."
I looked up from the grass I was staring at beforehand only to find a small hill that was surrounded by a beautiful garden full of vegetables and an assortment of flowers and enclosed by a short withered fence. In the center of the hill was a large round doorway that was painted a faded yellow with a handle smack dab in the middle of it and just to the left of the little home was a small sheltered stall where one lonely pony stood munching happily away at some alfalfa. On either side of the door were a few small half-moon windows with little gardens of their own. This was where Hyacinthe led me; through the rickety gate and along the short stone path to the door where she pushed it open and then myself after. I couldn't even get a word in until she had successfully pushed me into a small room just off to the right of the front entrance. I didn't even get a good look at what anything else looked like.
"Stay here a moment. I'll return shortly with a dress for you. I might have something that might fit," she said before she pulled the door shut and I was left to stare around the room with the cape –I guess I should call it a cloak, huh? –still wrapped around my shoulders. The room was small, complete with just a bed, nightstand and vanity. At the far end just opposite the door was another tiny little window overlooking a sloping hill that showed more little round doors much the same as Hyacinthe's.
The old woman –er, Hobbit –returned hardly five minutes later with a bundle of clothing in her arms and her cheeks were red from the exhaustion of our walk and probably from searching for said clothing. "Here you are, dearie," she said while laying the dress out on the bed. "Might be a tad short I'm afraid, but don't worry, I'm sure it will fit you just fine otherwise."
"Thank you," I said quietly, still a little shocked that this woman was showing me such kindness when she hardly knew me from a hole in the ground.
Haha, wow, that was a terrible pun.
"It's quite alright," she waved it off again then pointed to the dress. "Now you get dressed and I'll fix you something to eat." With that she left the room and shuffled off somewhere else.
Turning to the bed I gave a sigh while dropping the cloak to the floor and picked up the dress. I glanced between it and myself a few times before shrugging and pulling it over my head with only a bit of difficulty. I wasn't used to wearing dresses since I preferred pants and a t-shirt any day, but if the old lady was nice enough to let me wear it there was no way I was going to walk around nude.
When I had finally got the damn thing on I noticed that Hyacinthe had been right in thinking it would be too short; the skirt only reached to my mid-calf. Other than that it wasn't half bad, but I went over to the mirror on the vanity anyway to have a look at myself.
What I saw would have made me spit my drink out of my nose had I actually been drinking something. My hair had grown probably a good foot longer and I had no idea how I didn't notice it before. Also it was wilder than I remembered, but that might have been because I was trudging through bushes and crying like a baby in the middle of a forest. And as I had suspected my belly had gotten a little rounder, which made me pout, my ears that peaked just slightly from my hair were rounder and stuck out like the little redheaded kid I used to go to school with and my hands now had stubby little fingers that reminded me of sausages. Other than that I looked pretty much the same; I had the same light blue eyes I've always had, the same color of reddish brown hair as before and the same nose and lip shape. My face was even the same heart shape it had always been although a little pudgier. But I still might has well have been looking at a stranger and not my own reflection.
At that moment I heard a knock on the door followed by an, "are you decent, dear?"
"Um, yeah, I'm good," I called back and the door opened to allow Hyacinthe inside and I watched as her eyes scanned me from the entrance.
"Oh, fantastic, it fits you. Well, come along then, I've got some cakes and cheeses set out for you. Don't be shy now." She waved her hand for me to follow her and follow I did mainly because my stomach was rumbling something awful and I was afraid she would hear it.
The kitchen was small and quaint and was joined with the dining room which had an open pantry stocked full with food at the opposite entrance from the hallway. Already there were a few plates set out on the table in front of a single wooden chair and they were literally piled to the point of overflowing. One had biscuit looking squares and the other had a wheel of cheese and in front of both was an empty plate set between a fork and a knife. Hyacinthe led me over to the chair and sat me down by pushing down on my shoulders and patted them gently.
"Here we are. Have as much as you like, dear," she told me and I blinked in surprise as I looked up at her.
"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly.
"Of course! I can't have a poor girl such as yourself go hungry. Eat up, child, or you'll waste away," she exclaimed while fluttering her hands in a way that had me leaning back to avoid getting smacked in the face. This lady obviously had some screws loose because no one back where I came from was this nice.
But I had the 'ok' to eat so I stuffed my face. Honestly, I don't think I've ever eaten so much in one sitting in my entire life. It was a little unnerving that Hyacinthe just stood there and watched with a smile on her face, but I didn't care so much as my belly continued to be filled. I only slowed down a bit when she started to talk again.
"I've never met a Dwarf before," she commended idly while moving around to the other side of the table and clasped her hands in front of herself. I was munching on a bit of cheese, my cheeks puffing a little, as I looked up at her. You and me both, Lady, I thought dryly as she continued. "I was under the impression they were all male though, if you don't mind me saying." I looked down at myself again and even though I was now clothed you could still tell I was female. "Which, of course, is ridiculous." She laughed then. "How are you supposed to procreate if there are no women?"
I almost choked on the biscuit I had just shoved into my already stuffed mouth. Procreation? Jesus, were female Dwarves that rare? Yikes.
"Do you remember anything from before? Aside from your name?" she suddenly asked. I blinked again and debated swallowing my mouthful to say something, but what was I supposed to say? I didn't know anything about Lord of the Rings land so there was no way I could possibly pull some sort of lie out of my ass. So instead I just shook my head slowly and completed my pathetic act by lowering my gaze to the table in sadness. "Goodness, that is sad," I heard her sigh and I nodded. "Well, hopefully it will return to you someday. For the time being you may stay with me if you wish."
I looked up at her in amazement yet again. This old lady must be a saint of some kind. I know if I was in her position, amnesia or not, there was no way I'd let a stranger stay in my house for an indefinite amount of time and eat my food. I felt I had to say something, express my gratitude in some way. Swallowing the food in my mouth I gave her a grateful smile.
"Thank you. Again. You're really too kind," I said earnestly and she waved her hand.
"This little old hole has been so lonely for a long while, it will be nice to have some company for a change," she replied nonchalantly.
Nodding, the old woman and I then sat quietly for a while as I finished my meal then she led me back to the room I had changed in and told me that I could stay there for as long as I needed. In exchange for her taking me in I offered to do chores and all other kinds of stuff she needed to do like it was rent or something and she accepted that readily. I didn't blame her; the poor woman was hunched over and walked as fast as a turtle. Of course she'd have to show me how to do things before I could do them on my own which was alright by me.
But one thing was for sure; I knew I couldn't stay with Hyacinthe forever as much as that would have been peachy to me. I was a Dwarf –apparently –in a Hobbit world and apparently that's like hoodoo voodoo or something and besides, if I really was in the place Lord of the Rings took place in I had no doubt that I'd probably have to insert myself into the story somehow. Which means I might die in the very near future. But I'm already dead, so why not have fun with this crap while I'm here right?
Some say you can only live once, but I think I just figured out that after you kick the bucket, they send you to places just for the hell of it. Places you have no idea how to interact with the locals. Places where you have a high chance of dying again. Places where you could find adventures and wonder in a way you could never dream of.
