Date Written: June 23, 2007

Summary: There are no batteries in the house causing Fai to panic. So he and Kurogane set out on an amazing night time adventure complete with hitch hikers, assumed road kill, "friendly" helpers, and harassment from the night shift workers.

WARNINGS! Language is a definite one along with dirty conversations and thoughts. And shonen-ai. But no yaoi/"subtext" scenes. I think that that's it. It's a typical Flo crack fic. Plot with a hell of a lot of stupidity and dirtiness. You love it!

ALSO! Though I don't think it terribly necessary, Kurogane and Fai are already a couple. It's obvious pretty quickly, but there are some people who… you know.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa Chronicles nor the Wal-Mart chain. If I did, then I would have all the power necessary to take over the entire world! Bwa ha ha!

A/N: I can't believe I posted this, let alone wrote it. -shrug- It was fun, though, and I'm having fun thinking of the future chapters.

Hope you enjoy!

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"Uh oh," Fai said from the kitchen.

Kurogane heard this and sat still for a while, debating how much that, "Uh oh" indicated something bad. With Fai, though, you couldn't really tell. Sighing, he got up from the couch where he was enjoying a very nice bottle of alcohol and begrudgingly went into the kitchen. Looking around, he didn't see anything broken, spilled, or in the process of causing a domino effect in any way, so it was most likely something unimportant. But just to be safe.

"Something wrong?" Kurogane asked.

Looking over his shoulder, face covered in concern, Fai said, "We don't have any batteries!"

Kurogane's face was covered in indifference. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! I can't believe it either, but it's true! I've looked everywhere! The bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, the office, the car, the closets, and here. But there aren't any in the whole house! We have to go to Wal-Mart right now. Get the keys!"

Kurogane did none of the sort and it caused Fai to look at him as if he were the crazy one. Instead, Kurogane crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. He kept his gaze on Fai, as if daring him to speak. Then again, when it came to Fai and speaking, there was no need to initiate a dare.

"What?" Fai asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Do we really need to go through the 'you're stupid' routine here?" Kurogane said.

"Stupid? How is this stupid?! Give me one reason!"

"It's 10:30 at night! And the only reason to go out would be to go drinking, not to Wal-Mart, which I remind you is half an hour away, for freakin' batteries!" (1)

"But the fact that we don't have batteries now is an obvious sign that if we don't get them right away, then I won't remember to get them the next time I'm at the store."

"Then write it down on a list. Besides, why would we need to go all the way to Wal-Mart when there are probably batteries at the gas station half way there?"

Fai gasped and looked at Kurogane completely horrified. "You want me to go to a shady gas station in the middle of the night?! Do you have any idea what could happen while I'm there?! I could get robbed, beaten, sexually assaulted, do I need to continue?"

"No, and I don't care! Since your license was revoked, I'm stuck taking you and any punks hanging around there who would try to jump us would have to be high!"

"So if I did have my license, you'd make me go to the shady gas station alone?"

"Stop twisting my words!"

"But remember the last time we had to stop by there? You had to beat up twelve guys because one of them grabbed my butt and you nearly got arrested. Do you want a repeat of that?"

Kurogane growled at the combination of that memory and Fai making sense. "Fine, you don't have to go to the shady gas station, but we're sure as hell not going to Wal-Mart at this time of night, you got me? You'll just have to wait until tomorrow."

Kurogane was turning to go back into the living room to put some sweet alcohol into his system when he heard Fai huff, "Well then, I guess you'll just have to wait for sex."

Taking the bait despite it's obvious lure, Kurogane said through gritted teeth, "What does that have to do with batteries?" He had a thing against sex toys so there was no connection going on between sex and batteries for him (Kurogane was a man and would make Fai scream by his own hands, without the use of such things).

"Do you have any idea as to how many things in this house need batteries?" Kurogane shook his head. "A lot! Many of which we use in our everyday tasks. So if we were to not have batteries, those tasks would take who knows how much longer, and that would leave me exhausted with a headache, too, and just wanting to go to sleep instead of doing more physical activities."

Biting his tongue with the remark that he was the one who did most of the physical work, Kurogane saw this for what it really was: Fai wanting to get his way. Or in other words, Fai was being a bitch. Despite his kink for a bitchy Fai, Kurogane didn't want to put up with this since it was not leading to sex. However, now that Fai had gotten him in the mood, getting batteries would lead to sex. Therefore, he grabbed the keys off the counter and said, "Get in the car."

"Yay! You do love me!" Fai proceeded to run out the door, grabbing his coat on the way.

Why the hell do I put up with him? Kurogane thought.

While following Fai's path to the car, he decided that this was no big deal. Yes, this was completely stupid. Yes, it would take at least an hour. Yes, Fai was being unreasonable. But it wasn't anything to start a huge argument over (Kurogane had to freeze for a second at that thought). It was just a simple trip to Wal-Mart, no different than one during the day, so everything should be fine.

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Characters You'll Probably See: Sakura, Syaoran, Mokona, Yuuko, Ashura, and Seishiro (and since there's Seishiro, I'll maybe be putting Subaru somewhere, but I don't know). Those are the most likely ones, but who knows! I might come up with some other crackalicious scenarios with more characters (like Watanuki and Doumeki, who I surprisingly cannot come up with anything at the moment)!

1.) A few years back, it use to take a half hour for my family to get to Wal-Mart. Luckily, they built a Super Wal-Mart ten minutes away three years ago, so we don't anymore, but I'm just saying this to clarify that yes, it can take a while to go get batteries.

2.) (side note) I'm sure a lot of you are kind of going "why -such and such-." Trust me, I probably know what you guys are thinking, but I couldn't find a place to properly address them in this chapter.

A/N: Much dirtier than I planned, but oh well! Stupid plot bunnies. Oh, you can see my fic updates (like, what I'm currently working on) at my profile. Why did I say that? Because I have a bunch I need to update, now four in the Tsubasa section. Ch'.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed, and bonus points for whoever can name the movie that I got this idea from!