Harry's mind flashed back to the scene he witnessed just moments earlier.
Panting.
Moaning.
Flexing muscles.
Sweat.
He shook his head and quickened his step, needing to get as far away from Severus as possible. Tears threatened to fall, but he resisted it as much as he could, remembering his vow to never cry over his lover again, as he ran a shaking hand through his unruly hair. One step. Two steps. Three steps… the images came back again.
Tangled ebony hair.
Mouths parted slightly.
Eyes filled with lust.
Groaning.
Smooth, bare skin.
Not being able to contain the tears any longer, Harry stopped in his tracks abruptly, and fell to his knees. Tears streaked his flushed cheeks and he swore at himself, he couldn't believe he gave in. He was stronger than this… He thought he was. Swift footsteps were heard from behind him, yet he did not dare to turn around.
"Harry." Severus' voice was cold, like always. Though Severus was rarely affectionate, both knew he loved Harry – he was just incapable of showing it. Harry slowly looked over his shoulder at the leering form.
"Harry, we aren't a fucking couple."
"I know that!" Harry snapped back, his voice cracking slightly as he trembled, still on the ground.
"Then why must you carry on as if we are?" Severus replied, though his voice was somewhat softer. His eyes studied Harry's tiny body, his pink cheeks, his vibrant eyes that shone even more with tears in them.
"I love you.." Harry spoke softly. The professor crouched down next to him, and forced Harry to look directly into his stern eyes.
"Don't ever love anyone, it only brings pain." Harry trembled even more and averted his gaze, barely even hearing Severus' sigh.
"I don't want you to be in pain, ever, Harry." Round, green eyes glanced upwards, no longer filled with tears, but some sort of hope. Severus pulled Harry into an embrace, letting the smaller male relax in his arms. He placed a kiss on the boys shoulder, taking in his scent, feeling his own body relax.
"Severus…Why can't it be just us? Why do you have to be with other people?"
"I don't do things that way. I never have, and I never will. I wouldn't for anyone."
"What if… if there were rules?" Harry leaned back to watch the others reaction.
"Such as?"
"We have a relationship. But I let you do things. Sort of… I don't know," Harry sighed, thinking for a moment. "You can sleep with other guys, fine, I don't care. But no more than two times a week. And never in our bed." Severus knitted his brows, his eyes cloudy with doubt and caution. He never had such an arrangement; let alone being titled someone's 'boyfriend'.
"I… I suppose. But under one condition: You cannot throw little fits like this one." Harry's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, and he nodded. Severus leaned forward slightly, stopping before his lips met Harry's, and studied his eyes. He felt guilty; though he would never let Harry, or anyone else, know. Slowly he closed the distance, and their lips pressed against each other in a way Harry never thought Severus was capable of. It was sweet, not as urgent as the kisses right before sex; it was with emotion – even though refined.
"One more thing." Harry broke the kiss with his words.
"Yes?"
"Our relationship is going to be public." Severus frowned greatly and shook his head immediately.
"No."
"Why not, Severus?"
"People cannot know about it…" Harry grunted unhappily as he got up from the ground and turned to walk away. Severus sat, slightly stunned for a moment, before getting up as well.
"Harry!" The Gryffindor halted, though didn't face Severus. Severus stumbled forward quickly, putting his arms around Harry's waist. Harry did not move even the slightest bit, his body rigid.
"You… you know…" Severus sighed, not quite being able to finish his sentence.
"That you are an arsehole who can never show me even the slightest affection whatsoever? Severus, I know you love me! I know you do. You have from that first time we kissed, and just knowing that is the only reason I was able to hang on and try to put aside the fact you fuck anything and everything that walks. But it's so damned difficult; I don't know how much more I can put up with. Later you will regret this… You will regret pushing me away, because I am the only person who has stayed by your side this whole time. Just please…" Harry's voice cracked, and he felt the tears once more. "Just please tell me you love me… I swear that's all I need to hear and I will be with you until the day I die." Severus fidgeted as Harry turned around to face him. The older man, almost on the verge of tears as well, looked down, letting his dark hair cover his face.
"I.. I can't, Harry." As those few words floated through the air, and silence fell between them, Harry's whole world came crashing down around him. All the pain from his parents dying, his horrible life with the Dursleys, his struggles with Voldemort – all of that could not even compare to the broken heart he now faced. Severus looked up and into Harry's eyes, and felt as if he was being punched in the gut. He could barely breathe; his guilt was overwhelming just from seeing the sadness in his lover's eyes. And as Harry turned slowly and proceeded to walk away, Severus stood still, not being able to move an inch. He was shocked, and as he watched the only person he ever loved leave him, he loathed himself even more than before.
