Rejection letters: I said NO.
Disclaimer: The letters are mine. The characters are not. All is well with the world.
Shout Out: Was entertained by the series of rejection letters and thought to try my hand on them, just for the kick of it.
(British) Ministry of Insignificant Morons
[We] are replying in lieu of one Liana nee Potter. Your idea would've impressed [Us], if not for one significant oversight on your side in its execution.
You want the wife/least of [Our] most useful (and recently succesful) Counter Guardians.
[We] could've gone in the depths of other numerous faults [We]'ve found in it, - in fact, [We] are ashamed that [We] have to represent you as a part of our [Self] and if it hadn't been for continued existence of this particular time-space continuum as it is - [We] don't have an insane urge to write [Ourselves] - as in, the entirety of Humanity, past, present anf future - out of space and time just because of one particularly pesky Law you've written - but [We] feel compelled to give you both a chance and a warning.
Cease your greedy attempts to control Liana Potter - she is [Our] leash/wife to [Our] Counter Guardian EMIYA.
(The Unspeakables ought to have records about the Fall of Atlantis, and just this once, [We] will allow them to be read.
If you wonder why are [We] pointing you to them - they are a classic example just what exaclty happens to those who think kidnapping/trying to control EMIYA's wife is a good idea. )
In case you still insist on enacting that law of yours, EMIYA stated that he would happily erase your so-called [Merlin] out of existence in the Throne of Heroes, along with other four arrogant upstarts that claim themselves to be Founders of Hogwarts.
To raise the chances of success, [We] will gladly disable his E-rank Luck just this once and push it to EX-rank. Consequences?
You will simply cease to exist. Period.
Sincerely,
Alaya (Will of Humanity)
PS: I was NOT amused upon receiving your demand. We've just returned from our three hundredth honeymoon (Shame Atlantis had to go boom, but no one aside me gets my wife), and you still dared to insist that my wife of four millennia marry some Root-forsaken idiot who has less chances for survival than Shinji out of all people does for amassing a harem?
If you still want to enact your foolish plan, I will gladly show you just what exactly a F-rank Luck looks like - on your side of things.
Signed:
Archer, aka Not that prick with the Golden Gate (of Babylon) EMIYA.
PPS: I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your interesting invitation to participate in revival of British wizarding population. My answer is a NO. Insist any further and I will ask my darling pet Angry (aka Angra Mainyu) to... spice up your lives in the most painful and humiliating ways possible.
Liana EMIYA nee Potter
PPPS: If I were you, I'd listen to her. Yes, her pet is a [God]. Deal with it.
Signed;
Archer EMIYA aka husband of Liana EMIYA.
