Disclaimer: I do not own Chikane or Himeko. No money out of this.
Enjoy! :D
Call me her stalker.
I first saw her on my way to school. She was climbing the stairs to the train station when the wind picked up and it blew her midnight hair away. I thought she looked so majestic with her midnight blue hair flowing so smoothly despite the wind, like a gentle stream on a summer afternoon. Her eyes shone against the morning sun, like two brilliant sapphire stones set in a face that the gods had made specifically to display their wondrous sense of perfection. She had an unrivaled air of grace, elegance, and nobility, as if every step she took was in time to a tune only she could hear. Not even the ballerinas at our school could match that gentle sway of her hips as she gracefully took one step after another. And that quiet smile she had told me she was the epitome of quiet joy, that thing most humans crave for all their lives, and so very few ever find.
I wanted to know why the moon, in its most mysterious and handsome form, would go down and spend time amongst the pitiful mortals that live only to gaze at its beauty and lament of love gained and love lost. At that moment, when I first saw her, I wanted to write a hundred million poems, maybe even an immortal love story. But all I had was her face, her image, burned in the deepest, most precious part of my soul.
Her uniform was unfamiliar to me, but it certainly looked like she came from one of those expensive, private schools somewhere uptown. And I was right for she boarded the train that would take her uptown. In a split-second, and without fully understanding why, I boarded the train she was in and was quite content at taking in her form, hoping the ride would last an eternity so I could stare at her for that long.
After two stops, she finally exited the train, and I was rooted to the spot as she took one parting look at me before the doors closed. It was just one very brief second, but I relish at the feel of her cool blue eyes as they swept over me. It made my heart pound endlessly and I could feel my face turn red. The train started to accelerate and I strained my neck for one last look at her retreating figure, but the crowds had swallowed her figure away. I was left to wonder why I was even on that train when I was supposed to go the other way.
I exited at the next stop and took the train going back to my school. Needless to say, I was late.
But it was worth it.
Soon enough, it became my habit to always wait for her to arrive at the train station. I would always watch as she gracefully ascended the stairs and patiently wait, still with that quiet smile, for the train. She always looked so cool, calm, and peaceful, so that sometimes, I feel like her peace is washing over me. Of course this longer trip always made me late. But as I said, it was all worth it. I spent the idle hours in class drawing her face in every spare piece of paper I had, so that my drawing pad was filled with her eyes, her cheeks, her hair, her smile. I even painted her in our art class, which gave me a very high score. I named the painting "Midnight Moon". Our sensei asked me who the girl was, and all I could tell him was that she was the moon in human form. He accepted my answer with a wondering nod and left it at that.
I always had to go to the train station a little earlier than I normally would because I didn't want to risk not seeing her. Sometimes, I would arrive at the foot of the stairs an hour too early and wait for her. I never really noticed when it started, but maybe the gods were starting to draw their favor on me. Because a few weeks later, I started noticing that I was arriving in school on time, despite taking the train that led to the other girl's school first. It was then that I also noticed that my morning waits for her was shorter, that she was arriving at the train station earlier. I never actually noticed when she started doing that, and I was wondering why. But in truth, I was happy. At least I could still stalk her and still get to my school on time.
This lasted for almost a year, this seeing her godlike features, gazing at her unsettling beauty and wondrous charm, burning more and more of her image in my soul so that even my dreams were filled with nothing but her. It was borderline obsession, I knew that, but I wish I could make you understand how seeing her made me feel. It was like a drug that drove away all my apprehensions, and made my problems all seem like some forgotten nightmare. Those few minutes on that train was all I had to make life seem that much easier. The summer was unbearable, of course, because I wasn't able to see her. I even went as far as hang around her school (apparently, there was only one private high school uptown), hoping she would take summer classes, but that was an unfounded hope. I didn't think someone like her would actually take summer classes. So I gave up on that and just focused on my summer classes and part-time job. But I never gave up on seeing her again. I counted the days till the school opened up and made sure that I always looked presentable on the off-chance that I would see her.
That summer, I often found myself looking at the moon and wondering why it was so far away, why I couldn't reach it. But something at the back of my mind would always tell me that I'm fortunate enough to have the privilege of staring at something so magnanimous, something so wonderfully magnificent, it made the wait for her a measure more bearable.
And then came the day I had been waiting for all summer.
I woke up earlier than was necessary, and fussed too much on how I looked, how my hair was, even my smile. I wanted to look my best for her. I did not think that looking anything less was befitting for someone so beautiful. I had come to terms with who I am and my sexual preference a long time ago, but I wasn't really thinking about confessing to her. For me, she really was just like the moon on a bright summer evening: full and bright and beautiful, mysterious and awe-inspiring…but also unreachable.
I arrived at the foot of the stairs and waited for her. But she never came.
I waited up to the last possible second, until I had to give up and boarded the train with a heavy heart. I really couldn't understand why I was crying as the train gently lurched forward and started to accelerate. My tears just started to fall, as if they had a mind of their own and just wanted to break free from my heart that was beating so slowly, almost threatening to stop any second. My chest started to hurt, but I had to steel myself. I gathered every piece of strength I had and walked out of the train and started my slow trudge toward the school. I could hear the warning bell in the distance, and maybe if I ran, I would have made it. But I opted to walk. There would be opening ceremonies anyway. I could afford a few more minutes to myself and grieve.
Some of the classes I passed had already started. Some logical part of me told me that I should hurry, but my heart was still dragging me down, and the world was still perched precariously on my shoulder so that I couldn't run even if I wanted to.
I half-heartedly opened the door…
And my heart finally stopped.
"Kurusagawa Himeko, right?"
I was momentarily disconcerted at the sound of my own name. I could only nod and stare at the person standing in front of the class.
She had midnight hair that flowed beautifully to the back of her knees, her bangs half-teasing her arctic sapphire eyes. She was smiling at me warmly, as if she was actually expecting me to be there, as if the fact that she was standing there in front of the class was the most natural thing in the world. There was something welcoming in her smile and it was drawing me in so that I was subconsciously moving forward until I was only a few feet from her. My heart was now throbbing so painfully in my chest, I was sure everyone in the class could hear it, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was going mad with so much happiness; there was little I could at the wild song it was singing in my chest.
"As I was saying, this is our newest student, Himemiya Chikane, and the girl ogling her at the door, and who I thought had gotten rid of her tardy streak last year, is the one who will complete our class list, Kurusagawa Himeko. Ladies, please take the last two remaining seats at the back." To my horror, our new homeroom teacher was my art teacher last year. He had a knowing smile in his face as he gestured at the two empty seats at the back of the class. The available seats were beside each other.
I hurried to the back of the room, muttering an apology not even I could understand, amidst soft giggles.
I turned to watch her take the empty seat beside me and smiled what I hoped was an apologetic smile. And to my poor heart's great joy, she flashed her own quiet smile at me, the very thing I've been dreaming she would do since the first time I saw her.
"Kurusagawa-san, I'd like to ask you to take Himemiya-san to a tour of the school at lunch, and maybe introduce her to the different clubs after school as well." It was more of a demand than a favor, the way he said it. But I was secretly very happy, despite turning several different shades of red. I could hear some of my classmates groan in disappointment at his request. The goddess beside me, Himemiya, however, looked very happy as she was still staring at me with her smile.
Time flowed by at rather very odd intervals. Sometimes it was so fast, I was barely aware when the teachers would arrive and leave. My body was moving in its own accord as it stood up and greeted every time a new teacher would arrive. And then, when I would turn and look at the moon's incarnation, sitting beside me, with sun almost as if bouncing off her, like she was glowing from the inside, time slowed to a standstill. The mere motion of writing on her notebook was done with so much grace; I had a fleeting thought that she could possibly the only person that could make falling down the stairs such a graceful move.
And then it was lunch.
"Kurusagawa-san."
My name, as it fell from her lips, suddenly sounded so musical, so beautiful, I thought she was singing my name to me. I turned to look at her and found her carrying a bento box which actually looked like it could feed two people.
"Would it be okay to just cancel the tour? I'm really hungry. For now I'd like to just eat lunch with you." Her voice was something else: it was mysterious, cool, and very seductive. It was the voice you would want to hear whispering sweet nothings in your ears, the voice that would make your limbs grow soft, and you internal organs turn to mush, the voice that would make you do anything it asks you to do without even trying. I relished the sound of her voice as it filled my sentient being.
And as always, words left me as I nodded. She took my bento, placed it on top of hers which she cradled with her left hand, and with her right hand, she took my hand and gently pulled me closer. She then leaned in towards me, and her smell permeated my senses, so that, not for the first time that day, I was overwhelmed. "I'm not comfortable eating with so many people watching me. Do you know of a place where we could eat alone?" she whispered.
Yes, I nodded.
Her face broke into her most wonderful smile yet as she pulled me out of the room. Once we outside, amidst stunned and awed looks people were throwing at her, she gestured for me to lead the way.
I led her to the only place I knew nobody would disturb us. It was the only place I could think in silence, and dream about her in solitude.
But as soon as I opened the door to the single most private room in the whole school, I realized that it was my biggest mistake of the day. For there, in all its canvassed glory for everyone who was willing to go to the far art club room to view, rested my painting of the Midnight Moon.
I wanted to close the door immediately, but it was too late. She rushed in so quickly, I hardly had time to utter a word to stop her. She was looking at her own reflection in stunned silence that I thought maybe it was the perfect time to actually say something.
"That was last year. I painted that last year. It won the school's art competition, and was chosen to represent this school for the inter-school competition. But I declined."
She was still staring at her portrait as she asked why. Her voice was breathy, as if she was running out of breath.
"Because I was afraid you'd see it. Or maybe someone who knew you would see it. I wouldn't know how to explain myself then."
She nodded in response, and then started to take down the portrait.
"What are you doing?" I asked as she started rummaging around the room until she found a large piece of cloth which she used to wrap the canvass with. Satisfied, she took out her handkerchief and wiped her hands.
"You're right. The world doesn't deserve to see this. Even I don't deserve to see something as beautiful as this." she gestured at the wrapped-up canvass. She folded her handkerchief and replaced it neatly on her pocket.
She then walked towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips. "That's something I've been meaning to do for almost a year now." She then pulled me towards me and held me close as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
She looked amused at the obviously mortified look in my face. "So all this time, you knew I was following you?"
"Yes. And it gave me so much happiness letting you follow me around like that. I wish I could tell you how you made me feel, the first time you followed me on the train…and every day after that. You were the only reason I had to smile, the only reason I wanted to wake up in the morning." There was so much gentleness, so much honesty in her voice, I felt like I was going to melt if not for her hands supporting me.
"At first I wasn't really sure if it was me you were following, but then I stole a glance at you, and I saw you staring at me, and I knew, and it made me very happy."
I wanted to bury myself at the realization of it all. There I was thinking I was subtle and unnoticeable, when all this time, she knew I was following her, I was staring at her like a helpless little puppy, lost in this huge, cruel world. She was my only relief. She was the only reason my life was bearable, and now she's holding me so close to her, saying all these incredulous things, I could scarcely believe I'm not dreaming. Instead, I settled myself for burying my head in the crook of her slender neck.
"When you were there, I thought I could shine so much brighter than I ever knew I could. People always told me I was beautiful, but the way they looked at me told me they were only looking at me skin-deep. But when I saw you staring at me, it was almost as if you were staring right through me, and that the love and kindness your eyes held was so real, I could almost touch it. Indeed, it filled my being so that at that moment, I knew I was in love. You were the reason I was always smiling, why I always took so much effort to look beautiful. I wanted you to stare at me like that every day. And you did, for almost a year, you followed me around and stared at me and showered me with your presence, and it filled me with so much joy, I could hardly contain it."
And when I wasn't able to reply, she continued.
"I was worried for you though. I knew you would always be late for school the way you followed me around. So gradually, I started going to the train earlier, so you could still follow me and get to school on time. I was hoping you wouldn't notice though. Apparently, you didn't.
"The summer that followed was unbearable as I couldn't see you. I had to go overseas to attend to a few things. But every day, I was half-expecting you would show up and follow me again. But the loneliness was too much, and I didn't think I could bear one more moment of not seeing you. I wanted to see you every day, every waking moment. So I convinced my parents to let me transfer here. I had to pull a few strings though, to let me share the same class with you."
I was dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. My thoughts started running at full-speed; I could hardly form coherent sentences. So I opted to just stand there and stare at her and marvel. If there was any time to pray to the gods that I wasn't dreaming, this was the perfect time for it. Fortunately for me, my stomach saved me from saying anything more embarrassing by rumbling, rather loudly.
"Ah, of course, it's lunch time. Shall we?" She let me go, and I heard myself sigh at the gap formed between us. She prepared the bento boxes and I was surprised to see all my favorite foods laid out before me.
She must have noticed that I was staring at her bento, because she took my hand and led me to sit beside her.
"I know your favorite food, and your least favorite food. I know how you like your tea to be served, and your favorite kind of tea. I know your favorite color and your favorite boutique. I also know that you've been staring at this rather heavy-looking camera for quite some time now. I know where you work, and where you live. I know that most of your pay goes to paying your rent and bills, and buying your art materials so you barely have anything left for yourself. I know how much you struggle and how hard life has been for you and that despite all that you still have the strength to smile. So, if you'll allow me, I would like to help you ease your burden. Let me love you, Kurusagawa Himeko, the only way I know how. You've been taking care of yourself for so long, it's time somebody takes care of you, and I want to have that honor."
"Let me love you, Kurusagawa Himeko. Let me bask in your warmth, everyday. Let me have the pleasure of your company for the rest of my life. Let me love you, Kurusagawa Himeko."
I could hardly believe her as she started detailing everything else she knew about me. She even knew things none of my friends knew, and they've known me for far longer than she has.
"The only reason I struggle to shine, to live, is because of you, Himemiya Chikane. You never needed my permission to love me…and you never will." I have no idea where those words came from. But they were the words I've wanted to tell her since I first time I saw her. I couldn't really control myself and the words gushed out, as if a dam had burst inside me, and the emotions were unstoppable.
She smiled at me then and captured my lips. This time the kiss lingered longer and I could feel my head started getting lighter and lighter until she broke away.
"I'm sending that painting to your apartment, although I'm afraid you'll need to find a bigger apartment." the goddess, my goddess, who held my heart, gestured at the covered portrait behind us.
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Because you're apartment isn't big enough for the two of us." She said it like it was the most natural thing to say, like she thought I had figured that out. She wasn't even smiling. She was actually very serious.
"You mean we're going to live together?"
"Yes, silly. You don't like the idea?" she looked at me, feigning disappointment, which made her that much irresistible. Before I even knew what I was doing, I was kissing her again, and I probably wouldn't have stopped if not for the lack of air.
"Besides, I also know that you rely too much on that dreadful, noisy alarm clock of yours just to wake up. It wakes the whole neighborhood up, Himeko. And because I hate alarm clocks, I'm taking it upon myself to wake you up every morning starting tomorrow." She looked almost too haughty as she said it but her grace compensated for it so that she just looked like she was actually proud and excited at the prospect of waking me up.
"How do you know all these things?" I asked. I couldn't really wrap around my head around how she managed to know so much about me in such little time.
"Call me your stalker." she said, a sly smile forming on her lips.
A/N: I wrote this because my other story is staring at me and I couldn't figure out how to add a few more paragraphs to it. I needed to finish something, so I wrote this. Despite Himeko's thoughts being a bit uncharacteristic of her, I actually enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoyed reading this.
Comments and reviews are much appreciated, much needed, much cherished as always.
