DISCLAIMER: We- no- own . LOTR- Tolkien. Tolkien-us-no. HP- Rowling. Rowling- us- no. Random characters- Random famous people. Random famous people- us- no. We do hope that's clear enough. In case you don't quite follow, WE DON'T OWN ANYONE!!!! Thanks.

NOTE: This is our attempt to pit the Lord of the Rings characters against the ones from Harry Potter in a football match (Soccer, if you don't get it). Expect madness, unconsciousness and lots of familiar faces.er, names. Another thing you might want to know, we don't like Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a the kid who plays Harry Potter) very much. (Tinuviel: Don't like him? WE HATE HIM AND DESPISE HIM AND WE WANT TO RIP HIM INTO TINY SHREDS, AND- Luthien: Shut up Tinuviel.)

No snappy starting caption comes to mind, so let's just begin, shall we?

SCENE: Football stadium packed with roaring mad crowd. Zoom in on commentator's booth.

COMMENTATOR 1: Greetings! We're your commentators for this action packed match. I'm Luthien, and this is-

COMMENTATOR 2: Tinuviel! We'll be having a lot of guests up here with us throughout the match, so we can annoy and distract you! Our guest up here right now is -

COMMENTATOR 3: Meesa! Jar Jar Binks!

SPECTATORS: (groan)

LUTHIEN: I'd like to mention right now that Tinuviel and I are Jedi Knights, Mutants with really cool powers that we can control without going berserk, Witches, Aes Sedai, and Elves. We can also change the Matrix just like Neo can, so there!

TINUVIEL: Ha! Now let's get on with it. This is, of course the final match of the Fantasy World cup, between Middle Earth's 'Ring Lords' and the 'Hogwarts Wizards'.

LUTHIEN: The Ring Lords have been having a fantastic tournament. the coaches Elrond Halfelven and Bilbo Baggins have put done a bang up job of the best line up we've seen so far.

TINUVIEL: We have honestly no clue how the Hogwarts Wizards have done so well. Coach Vernon Dursely doesn't even believe in his team. Literally.

JAR JAR: Meesa not know about all this football mumbo jumbo. Meesa hate all-

TINUVIEL: Shut up, Jar Jar.

JAR JAR: Meesa shutting up now.

(Tinuviel glares at Jar Jar)

LUTHIEN: Here they come. ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for the unbelievably cool RING LORDS!!!

SPECTATORS: (mad cheering) (loud cheering) (Fellowship music)

LUTHIEN: (as each player runs onto field) And they are- Aragorn son of Arathorn blah, blah , Boromir son of Denethor who thankfully has no other titles , Legolas Greenleaf Prince of Mirkwood (crowd sighs collectively) , Frodo Baggins , Merry Brandybuck , Pippin Took , Sam Gamgee , Gimli son of Gloin , Saruman the treacherous and evil wizard (Saruman pouts) , Goalkeeper Haldir of Lorien , aaaaand Captain Gandalf the White!

(Saruman pouts again) (no one cares)

TINUVIEL: And the Hogwarts Wizards are. Ron, Fred, George and Percy Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Goalkeeper Hagrid who has no last name, and Captain Albus Dumbledore!!!

JAR JAR: Yousa forgot one.

TINUVIEL: (grumble) Oh, and that icky Harry Potter too.

(Harry glares up at commentators' booth; Tinuviel sticks her tongue out at him)

LUTHIEN: I must, of course, mention the managers of both teams, because they have to be all tension filled for the next 90 minutes. for the Ring Lords- Lord Celeborn of Lothlorien! And for the Hogwarts Wizards- Mister Ollivander!!

JAR JAR: Meesa gonna mention cheerleaders! Theysa cool!

TINUVIEL: Shut Up, Jar Jar. The cheerleaders for the Ring Lords are Lady Galadriel, Arwen and Eowyn!!! (Everyone puts on sunglasses as Galadriel and Arwen enter all glowy (followed by a glum Eowyn), holding pom- poms. Jar Jar, who can't effectively put on sunglasses because of his ears (and because of his lack of brains), is blinded by the light and falls of his chair.) And the Wizards cheerleaders are Hermione Granger, Minerva McGonagall and Petunia Dursely. (They arrive, leaping and grinning madly. Except for McGonagall, of course)

LUTHIEN: And finally, our referee, the one and only Luke Skywalker!! (Luke arrives in cool Jedi fashion, leaping from the stands where he was sitting unnoticed) The linesmen are-

TINUVIEL: Unimportant.

LUTHIEN: No. Well, yes, really, the linesmen are random droids that go 'Roger, Roger' all the time, and a few stupid Stormtroopers.

TINUVIEL: As I said, unimportant.

LUTHIEN: Shut up and try waking that Gungan pain in the backside. Luke, let's get this going!!

(Luke blows the whistle and the match begins!)

NOTE: Chapter one, complete! Yay! Tell us what you think, won't you? You nice, sweet, kind, generous, lovely, beautiful people? Did we mention you're nice? If you do, we'll give you a lifetime supply of cookies! (Tinuviel: We will? Luthien: Shut up.)