Just so you know, I have a reason, no, a right, to joke about Australia in this fic. I AM Australian, so no jokes are designed to offend. And no, we don't talk like 'THAT'.


Helene Black playfully shoved her brother Sirius in the back as they headed for the Gryffindor house domitories and common room.
"Heh heh," She snickered. "You sure pulled the wool over the eyes of that dumb charms teacher."
"You bet I did." Came her brothers reply. "Sirius Black, master marauder wins again."
He threw his arms in the air and put on a sports commentator voice.
"Will nothing ever beat our hero?" He said, "Helene Black tells you more, with her delightful commentary on 'Why her brother always gets away with it', take it away... Lene."
He held and imaginary microphone to Helene.
"Well viewers," She said, putting on a high pitched nasal voice. "I think it may be a combination of his uncanny good luck, the stupidity of his teachers and the help of his amazingly wonderful, talented and beautiful sister."
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa Helene." Said Sirius, putting down the imaginary mike. "Don't you think that's a bit TOO far-fetched?"
Helene folded her arms and spoke in her normal voice.
"Yeah." She said. "You're right..."
"I mean it's not like you have to put a memory charm on the teacher EVERY time I forget to do my homework." Sirius finished for her.
"Hey, anything for my dear old bro..." Helene said. "It's worth my while anyway, ain't it?"
She grinned cheekily.
"Oh, Ok." Sirius sighed and gave her a reproving look. "You can have the Gryffindor password AGAIN."
Helene skipped around to be in front of her brother, walking backwards to face him.
"Slytherin's BORING." She said. "You, Remus, Peter and James have WAY more fun."
Sirius darted around his sister, "It's not my fault you were sorted into Slytherin."
Helene grabbed a trailing piece of cloth from Sirius's robes and tugged, to slow him down.
"Yeah, what is WITH that anyway?" She said. "I mean, look at me and tell me truthfully that I don't belong in Gryffindor with you."
Sirius rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness and mumbled, "Yeah, um.... that's a hard one."
"Oh c'mere you rascal." Helene said as her brother darted out of her reach. "I'll make you cry for mercy, till you wish YOU'D been sorted into Slytherin too."
Sirius and Helene laughed as they capered down the Hogwarts halls and burst into the courtyard where the entrance to Gryffindor was hidden.
"Gorsebush." Sirius said to a portrait of a very large woman who had obviously enjoyed life.
Sirius ran inside when the portrait swung open to reveal a secret hall but Helene hung back, poking her head around to see the fat lady, who was now nearly flat against the wall but for a few stray bushes.
"Hey there." Helene said. "How's it going?"
"Oh jolly well Lenie." Replied the portrait. "How are you and your mischievous brother."
"In and out of trouble." Helene said. "I'm just indispensable to them."
"Of course you are deary." Said the fat lady. "What was it this time?"
"Sirius forgot to do his charms homework AGAIN." Said Helene. "I had to make the teacher think he'd handed it in."
"And how is Slytherin?" Asked the fat lady.
"Well..." Replied Helene. "There's this boy but... Look, I gotta go, they'll be waiting for me."
She darted back around and entered the hall, the portrait swinging shut behind her.
Sirius was waiting in the hall for her.
"What TOOK you so long?" He asked.
Helene thought for a moment before her reply.
"I was talking." She said. "Do you have a problem with talking?"
"No....." Sirius said. "But why bother chatting to a painting?"
"They have interesting things to say."
"That's not true. They're like ghosts, they don't change."
"No, That isn't true. They gossip and joke like anyone else."
"Whatever...."
"Don't be painting-ist!"
Helene realized how ridiculous her last comment sounded and they both bust out with laughter. They walked together down the hall and entered the common room, still laughing. Inside the common room Remus Lupin, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were grouped around the fire discussing the coming Hogsmeade weekend.
"It's the day after tomorrow." Said Remus. "If we're going together we'll have to decide what we want to do in what order."
"I want to buy some Butterbeer." Said Peter.
"I want some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans." Said James.
"Butterbeer is WAY better than Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans." Argued Peter.
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not infinity." Ended James, winning the pointless argument.
Without the distraction of the argument they looked up and saw Sirius and Helene standing at the door with bemused looks on thier faces.
"Idunno.... I'd have to say Chocolate Frogs are the best." Said Helene, barely stifling a giggle.
"Yeah?" Said Remus. "I like Chocolate Frogs the best too."
"Butterbeer is WAY better than Chocolate Frogs." Said Peter as Sirius and Helene walked over to join them by the fire.
"Oh shut UP Peter!" Said Helene and Remus in unison.
"Fine." Said Peter. "I'll go on my own."
"And you'll spend all your time drinking Butterbeer I suppose?" Said Sirius, raising one eyebrow. "I want to get some of those Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and see the joke shop."
"I'll go with you then?" said James. "There's this new fake eyebrow curse I want to see."
"Great." said Sirius and Sirius and James walked over to the corner by the bookcase to discuss their plans for the Hogsmeade day.
"Butterbeer's the best." Said Peter to Helene and Remus and he pouted. "I'm going upstairs to collect my money. I want alot of Butterbeer."
At this Peter turned on his heel and headed for the door shutting it loudly, not slamming it, behind him. Left standing around at the fire still were Helene and Remus.
"So... Um..." Mumbled Remus. "I guess that leaves us."
"Yeah." Said Helene. "D'you... d'you... do you want to go together?"
"Ok." Replied Remus. "That'll be cool."
"Cool... cool..." Said Helene, staring at the fire. Suddenly she smiled. "Why are we all mumbling and nervous?" she said. "We've been friends for what? Like, nearly three years."
"Mmm... It is a bit ridiculous." Said Remus. "You still like Cauldron Cakes too?"
"Yuhuh." Said Helene. "Nothing better."
"Ahhh... yeah... I like the ones that nearly melt in your mouth, with all the gooey caramel and stuff."
"Something tells me we'll be spending most of out time in the sweet shop."
"And the tavern too." Said Remus. "Peter is right, sort of. Butterbeer is nice."
"Yep. Definitely the tavern. Oh, and the joke shop. That new curse is supposed to be a must see."
"Yeah." Said Remus. "But who would want fake eyebrows popping up all over the place?"
"... Good question." Said Helene. "But we HAVE to go past the shrieking shack too. You know, they say on a full moon you can hear like screaming and stuff from inside. It's supposed to be like ghosts or something. What do you think?"
"Uhh... I don't think it's ghosts." Said Remus. "I'm not sure what it is but I don't think its ghosts."
"Well that's okay, everyone has an opinion." Said Helene. "Can we see it anyway?"
"Umm... Sure." Remus shrugged. "What not?"
"Cool." Said Helene. "Cool."
"That's cool." Said Remus. "So where do we start?"
"I'm.... not sure." Replied Helene. "How about the tavern?"
"Yeah." Remus laughed. "We swing by, grab a Butterbeer and taunt Peter a bit."
"Remus Lupin." Helene said, nearly laughing. "He's your FRIEND."
"Oh yeah," Said Remus. "I seemed to have forgotten."
"Whatever." Helene rolled her eyes. "We have Butterbeer at the tavern first, then go stuff ourselves with Chocolate Frogs and Cauldron Cakes?"
"Sounds good to me." Said Remus. "But you forgot the teasing Peter part."
Helene raised an eyebrow at him and started to say something but Remus cut her off.
"Just kidding." He said. "No picking on Pettigrew."
"Good." Said Helene. "One day you may regret picking on Peter you know."
"Yeah." Said Remus. "Right whatever."
Helene changed the subject. " So, the tavern, the sweet shop and then the joke shop?"
"Cool." Said Remus. "And then the shrieking shack?" He looked doubtful.
"Only if you want to." Said Helene. "It's not everyone's thing."
Remus turned away and stared into the fire. "I just... don't like stuff like that..."
"It's okay." Said Helene, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We don't have to visit the shrieking shack."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, You've seen it once you've seen it a thousand times."
Another boy in Gryffindor, Robert, stood up and walked over from the corner where he had been studying arithmancy.
"You ain't afraid of the shrieking shack are you, Remus." He leered as he noisily chewed gum.
Remus denied it. "No way." He said " I'm not afraid, I just think it's boring."
"Riiiii-iiiiight..." Said Robert. "Drop us a line when you're man enough visit the *scary* shrieking shack, Will ya?"
Helene took a step forward, ready with her wand to do some serious damage to this rude boy.
"No." Remus stopped her. "It doesn't matter, It's just his way."
"Well Remus." Said Robert, smacking his lips. "I see our resident Slytherin has guts, but do you?"
"Ha ha ha resident slytherin that's a good one I'll kill you." Said Helene in one breath.
"Well all I wanna know is this," Replied Robert. "Will I see our mate here, Remus Lupin, at the shrieking shack on the weekend? Or is he, most likely, a plucked emu"
At this Remus released Helene's wand hand, which he had snared before she could curse Robert. "Surely it show 'guts' on my part to say, allow Helene to kill you? Set her on you, huh? I believe Slytherin students learn alot of extra curses..."
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa." Robert raised both of his hands in defence. "Sorry, I was just kidding."
Helene raised her wand in mock attack but before she could cast a harmless joke spell on him Remus spoke.
"I'll go to the shrieking shack." Said Remus. "I'll be very bored, but I'll go."
"Great." Robert pointed both index fingers at Remus. "See ya there."
Helene watched as Robert strutted back to his studying.
"What is WITH that guy?" She asked. "What is his problem anyway?"
"Really?" Said Remus. "A mixture of ignorance and 'new kid' syndrome, I think. He doesn't realize that no-one likes him and no-one is laughing at his jokes."
"So he's new?"
"Came this year from some overseas school."
"Man, I'd HATE to live in that country." Said Helene. "Which one is it by the way?"
"Australia, I think. Bunch of sheep farmers."
"Yeah." Replied Helene. "No wonder he's like that then."
"I am so glad they're phasing out this whole exchange program."
"I agree. They just don't fit in. I mean, Australia?!?"
"Hey Miss, A dingo's eating your baby." Remus imitated an Australian.
"Did ya bring a beer mate?"
"G-day."
"Heh heh heh, that's a pretty wierd country."
"Yeah."
"You don't have to go you know."
"I know but who knows?" Remus shrugged his shoulders. "It could be fun."
"All right." Replied Helene. "So that's the tavern, the sweet shop, the joke shop and then the shrieking shack."
"Be there." Said Remus.
"Oh, And one more thing," Continued Helene. "Am I B REALLY /B that renowned as Gryffindor's token Slytherin?"
"You sure are." Said Remus.
Helene looked blank. "I don't get it."
"Put it like this." Explained Remus. "Slytherin and Gryffindor hate each other. You, Helene Black the Gryffindor-Slytherin, are the first person EVER to breach that rivalry."
"Well when you put it that way..." Helene trailed off. "Makes sense, gotta go, see ya on the weekend!"
She waved and turned to leave but Remus spoke again.
"Slytherin's have reputations as bad people Lene, but you're living proof that that's not true. Reputation's aren't all that reliable Helene, rumour's, reputation's... they're mostly fiction. Promise me you'll remember that Lene. Promise you'll never judge a person by a rumour or reputation."
Helene turned back. "Remus, that is so ingredibly deep." She said. "Of course i'll promise that."
She put her hand on her heart.
"I, Helene Black, hereby promise that I will never judge a person from a reputation or rumour."
Helene turned to go and yelled a quick goodbye to all in the room before rushing out, punching her brother as she ran past, and slowing to a jog once she was out of the common room and a fair way down the corridor.