The characters are the property of Aka Cartoon and Cartoon Network. I neither own nor profit from them.
Forever and an Ed, Part One
"You can't go wrong with these, Jonny-boy."
"I don't know, Eddy."
"A genuine 1984 Starter Rookie Platinum pack? Okay-okay, tell you what... For an extra 15 cents, I'll throw in these collectors edition Super Bowl jersey drink coasters."
"But they're used."
"So? What's a little ring mark on a sports classic?"
"Plank says you can't be trusted. We don't even know this stuff is yours."
"That's not what I heard him say."
"Yeah, right! As if he'd talk to you! Ha!"
"Alright, fine! Out of my room, then."
Jonny paused on his way out the door as if Plank said to him. Then he looked toward Eddy's nightstand. "Oh, yes. She is nice."
"What?" Eddy brightened up.
"Oh, nothing. See ya' Eddy."
-
The next morning, Eddy woke to find a pair of eyes staring at him. Plank sat on his nightstand and watched him while leaning against his lava lamp.
"What the heck is Plank doing in my room?"
Irritated, Eddy got up and looked for Jonny. He found him on the playground, poking through shrubs while calling Plank's name.
"Jonny, what were you doing in my room?"
"Say what?"
"What were you doing in my room?"
"When?"
"Last night, Amnesia Boy!"
"I wasn't in your room last night."
"Oh yeah? Well how did Plank get there, then?"
"PLANK!" Jonny grabbed Plank and nuzzled him. "I've been worried sick about you, buddy!"
"Okay, yeah-yeah, happy reunion, yawn-yawn. Just stay out of my room from now on."
"But I wasn't in your room, Eddy."
-
The next morning, Ed and Edd sneaked into Eddy's room to wake him. Eddy snored happily until Ed leapt on the bed and Edd yelled, "DOGPILE!" All three wrestled for a few minutes, until Edd noticed something.
"Eddy, why is Plank in your room?"
"Huh?" Eddy looked and found Plank sitting on his nightstand, again. "Oh, man! Not again!"
-
"JONNY! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT STAYING OUT OF MY ROOM?!"
"But I wasn't in your room. Honest."
"Yeah? Well, I found Plank in there again! It's not as if he can walk by himself, ya' know!"
"But I didn't put him there!"
"Really? Well, make sure he stays out of my room, tonight. If I find him again, you're in serious trouble!"
-
"My, this is interesting."
"Huuuuuuunnnnhhh?" Eddy rolled over and squinted; trying to focus his sleepy eyes on Edd.
"The same place almost exactly."
"Huh?" Eddy looked at his nightstand. Plank was there, again. "ARRGH! What's with that guy?!" Eddy threw his sheets off his bed, grabbed Plank, and stormed into his closet.
"Messy, messy, messy." Edd started making Eddy's bed. "Maybe Jonny is practicing some new annoyance technique?"
"I wonder how annoying he'll find my foot in his butt," Eddy growled.
"But what if Jonny is telling the truth?"
"Edd, face the evidence. Jonny carries Plank everywhere. So, if Plank is in my room, it's because Jonny put him here."
"I don't know, Eddy. Jonny seemed pretty convinced he wasn't in your room."
"He seems pretty convinced a piece of wood talks to him, too. C'mon, let's go."
-
"Oh, Eddy! Have you seen Plank, this morning?"
"Good work, Ed."
Edd tugged against his leash and barked menacingly.
"Huh?" Jonny looked at Ed and started laughing.
"Sic him, Ed."
Eddy dropped Ed's leash and Ed charged at Jonny; knocking him over. Then he pinned him and licked his face. Jonny laughed harder. "AH-HA-HA!! STOP! Stop Ed! That tickles!"
"RUFF! RUFF! ARRRUFF!"
"Okay, Ed. Take five."
Edd picked up Ed's leash while Ed sat back on his haunches and panted like a dog. Jonny still laid on the ground gasping and recovering from his laughter.
"So, Jonny? Why do I keep finding Plank in my room? He's your stupid friend, right?"
Jonny tried wiping some of Ed's saliva from his face before looking for Plank. "Where is he?"
"He's someplace safe. But he ain't seeing daylight until I get a straight answer out of you."
Jonny quickly grew enraged. "WHERE IS HE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH PLANK?!"
"Hold on, Attila! This whole thing is your fault!"
"WHADDYA' MEAN?!"
"You're the one who kept sneaking into my room and leaving him there!"
"I DID NO SUCH THING! THIS IS ALL SOME SCAM OF YOURS! LET HIM GO, NOW! PLAAANK!"
"What are you dorks up to?" Kevin pulled up on his bike, followed promptly by Rolf and Victor.
"ARRRUFF! RUFF RUFF!" Ed barked.
"Shut it!" Kevin snapped. Edd whimpered and recoiled behind Edd.
"What is going on with the No-Account Ed-Boys?" Rolf demanded.
"EDDY TOOK PLANK! HE'S LOCKED HIM UP SOMEWHERE!" Jonny's rage turned to tears.
"So you're taking stuff from little kids for ransom, eh?" Kevin got off his bike. "You guys just sink lower and lower." His look grew threatening.
"Uh, no! No-no! That's not it at all, heh-heh!" Eddy put his hands up to try to placate Kevin. "Really, Kev! I was just trying to get Jonny to answer a question."
"Yeah, right." Kevin grabbed Eddy by the collar and thrust him against a nearby tree. "You've got to the count of ten to give Plank back to Jonny, before I pound you cross-eyed!"
"But Kevin! It's true! Ask..."
"ONE."
"Kevin?"
"TWO."
"Kev, surely we can talk this over..."
"THREE."
"But, Plank's not with us!"
"FOUR."
"Kev, if you'd just let me go..."
"FIVE."
"Oh, man..."
"SIX."
"Ed! Double-D!"
"SEVEN."
"Guys?!"
"EIGHT."
"Don't just stand there!"
"NINE."
"Help me! PLEASE!"
"TEN."
-
"Keep that ice on him, Ed. I'll go get more."
"Mmmmmmmmnnnnnhhhhh." Eddy lolled his head in the grass as he regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, he found himself lying in Edd's front yard. "I feel the Earth spin."
"Macaroni and cheese," Ed said congenially.
"Ugh," Eddy grabbed his stomach. "Please don't mention food."
"Oh, good. You're back." Edd dangled an ice pack in front of Eddy's eyes. "What's the third letter of the alphabet?"
"Five."
"Can you tell me what day it is?"
"November?"
"Uh, close enough," Edd handed him the ice pack. "Hold this, please."
"What happened?"
"Kevin, Rolf and Victor decided to teach you some manners."
"What did I do?"
"You hid Plank from Jonny in an attempt to extort a confession. You were convinced he's been sneaking into your room at night."
"Oh. Uh, Double-D?"
"Yes, Eddy?"
"Remind me not to try that again."
-
Once Eddy recovered enough to stand, the boys walked him home. Eddy pulled his shirt off and examined his damage. Before his mirror, he touched a bruise forming on his temple. "Man, they could've gone a little easier on my face." Then he ventured into the kitchen to make another ice pack before heading to bed. He almost made it onto the bed before his bleary eyes noticed something. Plank was back on his nightstand.
"Okay! It's official! Somebody's messing with my head!"
"My. This is strange. Shall I fetch Jonny?"
"After that Kevin thing? Forget it! I'll sleep with a piece of wood before I try a wooden box!"
"Jonny will be highly distraught without Plank. We really should get him."
"Yeah? Well, get HIM! Don't bring a bunch of other people over. Especially Kevin!"
"Of course."
-
Edd and Ed returned shortly with Jonny, who apprehensively poked his head through Eddy's door. "So, where's Plank?"
"Right here. Get him and get lost," Eddy grumbled.
"Wow, that eye's not looking so well."
"Really? I'd love to share." Eddy cracked his knuckles.
"Eddy, please don't," Edd warned. "You've put us through enough today."
"YOU?! Who's the one with people sneaking into his room? Who's the one who got his butt kicked from hither to yon for trying to get to the bottom of it? I don't see you guys all bruised-up!"
"What's that, Plank?" Jonny looked quizically at Plank. "Really? Oh, how funny!" Jonny started giggling. "You smooth operator, you!"
"What?" Eddy looked at Jonny, then at Plank.
"Plank's in love!"
"Huh?"
"Plank's in love, Eddy!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Plank fell in love with Lamp!" Jonny plucked Plank from the nightstand and hugged him. Then he laughed as he waltzed around the room. "Oh, you're too much!"
"Who is Lamp?"
"The lava lamp, silly!"
Eddy looked at Edd and mouthed, "Call the cops!" Edd just grinned.
"Okay, yeah. Jonny?"
"Yes, Eddy?"
"I'm afraid Lamp is a little young to be dating."
"What are you talking about? She's older than you!"
"Well, I think maybe she and I should have a certain 'chat' before relationship progresses, don't you?"
"Certain chat?" A comprehending look slowly crossed Jonny's face. "Ohhhh, 'that chat.' Yes, Plank and I should probably discuss that, too."
"Right, yes. Do." Eddy walked Jonny and Plank to the door. "See ya' around."
-
"Okay, now what do we do?"
"I don't know, Eddy. I can't see any harm in a little summer romance, can you?"
"DOUBLE-D! This is a LAMP and a PIECE OF WOOD we're talking about! Get real!"
"Stranger couples have happened."
"Yeah, but your parents are both human."
"Hey!"
"Well, your mother's questionable, but..."
"Watch it, Eddy!"
"Alright, alright! Keep your sock on." Eddy sat on his bed and put his ice pack back on his face.
Edd looked thoughtful. "Perhaps, Plank would be less tempted to sneak over if we indulged him, a little."
"What do you mean?"
"Let them date. They'll get their time together and Plank won't be in your room so much."
"What? We just put them together for a while?"
"That's not much of a date, Eddy."
"A real date? Double-D, how are a piece of wood and a lamp going to..? Hey, yeah! Good work, Double-D! We could let them date AND parlay their relationship into a little cash."
"Uh, that's not quite what I had in mind, Eddy."
"You're right. It's better! Let's get to work!"
-
END of Part One.
