"I'm pregnant."
Her announcement had left him completely baffled and flabbergasted, he had taken a step back clumsily as if she had slapped him.
Before he could completely processed her statement his response had slipped past him
"Is-is it mine?"
Oh had she been angry at his response, she had wanted something from him, a response, perhaps even some emotion to come out, not an accusation
"Excuse me?" she had answered, her tone sharp sending shivers down her spine, looking at him with one of her perfect eyebrows arched, "what is that supposed to mean?" of course she knew what he meant, he was afraid it was poe dameron's.
Okay stupid question, good going kylo
"Nothing love, I'm sorry, of course I know you wouldn't stray, it's just." he paused, his mind scrambling to make sense of the situation
"Poe." she said, being very aware of his insecurities over the pilot, he had always refused to directly answer why he was so insecure when it came to dameron, always changing the subject when it came up, "ben you are the first man I've ever been with, we're married when are you ever going to stop with him? I vowed to love you until death do us part, why don't you like him?" a thought occurred to her, " Do you not want the baby?" her eyes watered, "because if you don't...I want to keep it.."
"No love, of course i'm thrilled," he said wrapping his arms around her still small waist, "but we've been married for a few months, are we ready?" what if I'm a bad father so many questions filling his head, doubts. He had a good childhood, never in need of anything, his mother, always taking him with her to whatever meeting she had to attend regarding politics. Meanwhile his relationship had been somewhat strained with his father, Han solo had been loud, extroverted, a ladies man and a sports fanatic, everything Ben Solo had not been, bookish, shy and very introverted. At some point in their childhoods the pilot and ren had even considered each other friends until his father paid more attention to him, dameron had everything his father had wanted in his son, taking him under his wing, that had started his insecurities and rivalry with the pilot
"I-I don't know," she admitted, biting her lower lip, he almost groaned, how he wanted to kiss her right now, but knowing it wasn't the right time "to be honest, I'm scared...I didn't have much a childhood so I had no experience with family, or being taken care off.." her face flushing in embarrassment, sold for drinking money his words echoing in her head.
His face darkened in quiet rage, at the thought of rey as a child surviving the harsh planet of Jakku, scavenging for scraps of food, if only he had found her sooner.
"What if I'm not a good mother?" looking up at him, her hazel eyes full of worry and sadness, "what if they end up hating me?"she could not stop her tears from falling, damn it rey, this isn't going how you wanted it to, stop
"Hate? " his brows furrowing in wonder, "No sweetheart, don't think like that, please..they could never hate you, I was supreme leader of the first order, we were enemies, and i never hated you, I couldn't bring myself to do it, I highly doubt our child will, so please don't think like that." he kissed her forehead gently, gazing at his wife. Gently wiping away her tears. Oh, she was so beautiful, even when she was crying. he would never tire of the sight of his beautiful rey, "you will be a wonderful mother, you had such a hard life on Jakku and yet you remain kind, always trusting in what you believe in, there's so much light in you, our child will absolutely adore you." like I do
She started crying more at his sweet words, "I'm sorry..god, why am I so emotional." she said burying her face in his chest.
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