Part 1

'Time to start again,' I think to myself as I walk up the steps to Sweet Amouris High School. 'This time, no holding back. I am strong. No being scared. Give it my all and let no one take from me.'

This has been my mantra since summer started and my parents consented to sending me to a new school. Once they knew what had happened the night of junior prom they were more than willing to let me leave. The dark chill of those memories makes me shiver despite the warmth in the hallway.
'It's over, I'll never see him again. He can't come near me. I am strong. No being scared. Give it my all and let no one take from me.'
See, mantra. Just rinse and repeat until everything is ok again.
I stop just inside the door, trying to get my bearings before I move deeper into the school. It looks pretty normal despite the weird name. Beige tiles on the floor, rows of blue lockers between doors leading to classrooms. All the other students seem to know their way around, class having started a week before. I got a late start because of some paperwork issues. I pull my class schedule from my pocket and try to make sense of where I should be going. My old school had used the block schedule and the new period style was giving me a headache.
"Do you need some help, dear?" a voice asks. I looked up to see a grey-haired old lady completely dressed in pink. Glasses that look like they would slip off at any second are perched at the end of her nose as she stares up at me with a pleasant smile. She is one of the tiniest ladies I have ever met. And I'm not that tall.
"Yes, I think?" Crap, I have to stop with the pathetic question thing. I am strong. No being scared. Etc, etc. Squeaky voice sort of belays that idea. I clear my throat. "Sorry, I'm new and I'm a little name is Nico Grey"
Her smile widens. "Oh, well welcome! I had heard we had a new student joining us. I'm the principal, Mrs. Flavisham. Nice to meet you, Miss Grey."
"Nice to meet you, ma'am." Well this was already an improvement. My old principal was a dour old man who would use any excuse to give someone detention. Smelled a little like boiled cabbage.
"You could probably use a guide," she says. "I'll send you to Nathaniel, he's the student council president and he knows this school like the back of his hand." She points to the door just to my right. "That's the student council room, he's usually in there before class starts." With that she's off, speeding down the hall towards a group of girls in fancy clothes and too much makeup chattering in obnoxiously loud voices.
Narrowly avoiding stepping on a girl sitting on the floor and sketching, I go into the room. Again, normal looking, just like my old school. A blonde boy in a button-up, tie and slacks sits at one of the desks, a mound of paper in front of him. The way he dresses he looks like he would be at home in an accountant's office or funeral parlor. He scribbles furiously at a form, not even noticing when I close the door.
"Wow. If that's the amount of homework I can expect at this school I better get in gear ASAP." Yes, better, more confident. Joking again feels good.
His head whips up and he stands at the sound of my voice, a surprised look on his face. He is decent looking, with blue eyes and high cheekbones. A little taller than average height. Looks like he carries a lot of responsibility and wants everyone to know he is in charge. Not my type anymore.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Can I help you?" His voice is a surprise. Deep, mellow and pleasant. A voice you wouldn't mind following and taking orders from. Again, not my type anymore.

I take a deep breath and tried to hold off another cold shiver. "Yeah, the principal sent me. I'm new. Looking for someone named Nathaniel?"

"That's me. You must be the new transfer."

"Yeah. I'm Nico Grey, nice to meet you."

"Nico? That's an unusual name for a girl."

"It's actually Nicole. But Nicole is boring."

"Why not go by Nicky then? It's more feminine and pretty."

I stare at him. Who was this guy to say something like that when he only just met me? Definitely was reminding me of my ex. He had encouraged me to go by Nicky as well. "I like Nico, thanks."

Something in my tone must make him realize he hit a nerve. He flushes, making his WASP-y blue eyes look bluer. His hands start to flutter, pushing through his hair and adjusting his collar. "Sorry, that was kind of out of line. Nico is fine."

I don't acknowledge the apology. Call me petty but I'm sick of guys thinking they know what's best for me just because I'm a girl. I hold out my schedule so he can see it. "Can you tell me how to get to room 302? Class starts in a few minutes and I don't want to be late on my first day."

"Yeah, sure," he says, his flush darkening. "It's up the stairs at the the end of the hall and to the right. Third door down. You should have Mr. Sanchez. I'll also need you to fill out this form-" he pulls one from the stack of paper on his desk and hands it to me- "and get a student ID photo back to me by the end of the day."

"No problem. See you then, Nathaniel." I take the form, stuff it in my backpack and move to leave but his hand touches my shoulder.

"Nico, I'm really sorry. I don't know what it is I said but I don't want your first day here to start badly."

I manage a brief smile. Poor guy looks honestly distressed. "It's cool." His relieved look makes me smile wider. "See you later."

I leave before he can say anything else. And bump right into someone with a bowl cut and thick glasses I had hoped wouldn't find me.

"K-ken?!" I choke. "What are you doing here!"

"Hi Nicky!" He chirps, oblivious as always to my distress. Ken has been in love with me since we were kids and I'd saved him from a kitten. No joke, he was terrified of the thing. "How's your first day going?"

"Absolutely crappy now!" I snap. "What are you doing here, Ken?"

"I go to school here now. I wanted to make sure you were ok. You didn't answer any of my calls over the summer."

"So you followed me here?" I try to fight down the panic I can feel rising from my gut. If Ken found me here, HE could find me too. And follow me. "Who even told you I was here?"

"Tyler did," he says, starting to look hurt. "I thought you would be happy to have a friend here at this new school. What did you do to your hair? It's not very...you."

"No, Ken," I hiss. "I left that school SPECIFICALLY to make NEW friends who wouldn't lie or betray me. I can't BELIEVE you or my stupid brother! And there is nothing wrong with my hair! Now leave me alone or I swear I'll... I'll..." I choke on bile and pushed past him and up the hall, fighting back tears as I run up the stairs. Instead of going into my classroom I duck into the first bathroom I see. Coast looks clear so I lean against the door, shaking slightly as I fight to stay calm and not cry. I am going to kill Tyler. He may be only six but we all told him he shouldn't let anyone know where I was going. I pull out my phone to text my mother when a voice stops me.

"You do know you're in the men's room, right?"

I don't know how I didn't notice this guy when I came in here but there he is, leaning against the wall under the window with a cigarette dangling from his fingers. As I watch he takes a drag, holds it for a second and then blows it towards the open window. I can't help but notice the long, lean line of his neck and the long fingers that hold the cigarette. He is tall and lanky with dark clothes and bright red hair that falls to his collar. His brown eyes are focused on me and I can feel the blush coming.

"God love a duck," I mutter. "This is not my day." At least the embarrassment makes it easier to ignore the fear creeping up my spine.

His eyebrow raises at the expression. "God love a duck? That's unusual."

"I've got a six-year-old brother. No swearing allowed so I've been forced to find more creative ways of expressing frustration." He smiles at that and it is lovely. Takes away some of the hardness around his eyes. I smile back. "Sorry if I'm disturbing you. I don't know my way around and just ducked into the first bathroom I saw."

"No problem," he says, voice husky and smoky and deep. He takes another drag. "Not going to rat on me, are you?"

"For what?" I ask, moving away from the door and going to one of the mirrors above the sinks. No use being embarrassed now and I may as well be presentable. I check to make sure my eyes are not red and puffy and the panicked expression is gone. It is but my hair is a mess. I sigh and pull out my brush, running it quickly through the now platinum locks streaked with bright blue and pink and green. It is cut short to my chin in choppy layers that frame my face and bring out the green in my eyes. It used to be brown and down to my shoulder blades. I hacked it all off the day after junior prom. He had liked my hair long and girly.

"For smoking. Not exactly an approved activity on school grounds." His smile is wry now and slightly jaded.

I shake my head. "I won't tell as long as you don't tell anyone that I was in the men's room. Which is remarkably cleaner than I expected it to be." His laugh is unexpected and loud, echoing in the tiled room.

"What's your name, new girl?"

"Nico Grey. What's yours?"

"Castiel." Before he says anything else the bell rings. He flicks his cigarette out the window and stuffs his hand in his pocket, pushing the pack of cigarettes deeper. He moves past me to the door and opens it a crack, looking left and right before opening it fully. "You're clear, new girl. No one will know your secret."

I smile at him, touched by his gesture. "Thanks Castiel. I'll see you around?"

"Maybe," he grins before he saunters down the hall. I look around again just to be sure before I dash across the hall and into the classroom right in front of the teacher.

Class is uneventful. I've always been good with history and the dates of important events. My next two classes pass quickly until the one before lunch. That one is math, my worst subjects. And I'm already a week behind everyone else. Castiel is in my class and, surprisingly, no one is in the seat next to him. I take the empty seat and smile at him. "Hey. How's it going?"

He shrugs in response, tipping his chair back to stare out the window. Then the teacher starts talking and we have no chance to chat. Her name is Ms. French (I am amused by this since she is a math teacher) and she gets right to business. I barely passed algebra so her talking about trig just makes my head hurt. I stare blankly at her, trying to understand, but then she assigns us problems to practice in our book. I struggle for a few minutes before a smoky voice interrupts my thoughts. "You missed a step." A long fingers points where I made the mistake. Castiel saves me again. I smile quickly and he gives a barely perceptible smile back. I see his worksheet is already done.

"You're good at math," I whisper. For some reason this makes him frown and move back into his own space.

"Don't act like it's such a shock."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. It's awesome."

"What, that a hoodlum like me is good at something academic?" I am shocked at that. I never thought that.

"I didn't say-"

"Miss Grey!" Ms. French snaps from the front of the room. "Pay attention to your own work! Or would you like to come up here and demonstrate a practice problem for the class?"

I blush bright red as everyone turns in their seats to stare at me. I look down and don't speak, hoping they will all look away. Eventually Ms. French goes back to talking about the problem on the board. As soon as her back is turned, I glare at Castiel.

"I never thought that. I don't appreciate you putting words in my mouth," I whisper at him. "I thought it was good because I already know I could use a tutor. Since you're the only person I know at this school that's good at math I thought I would ask you. Guess not." The bell rings and I shove everything into my bag and leave before he can say anything. I need to find a place to get a picture before lunch ends. And I have no idea where to go.

I stand in the hall for a moment before I decide to just ask someone. No other way to find out, right? I spot a girl with curly blonde hair a few feet away standing in front of her locker, carefully applying a layer of lip gloss. I step up to her. "Excuse me? Can you help me? I'm new and I need a student ID picture but I don't know where to get one."

"And this is my problem...How?" I blink at her rude tone. "Just look around," she says, closing her locker door with a snap. She stares at me with disdain, her blue eyes narrowed as she looks down at me. "I'm sure you'll find some other loser that can help a charity case such as yourself. Seriously, where did you find that outfit? The bottom of a garbage can?"

I look down at my outfit: an oversize black Streetlight Manifesto shirt that hangs off of one shoulder, a white tank top underneath, slightly faded denim shorts and laced boots that come halfway up my calf. I thought my outfit was fine. I look up at her at her smug smile. I refuse to let her make me feel bad. Girls like her are one of the reasons I left my old school. "Wow, the surplus of rude people in the school just astounds me. Where did you get your manners, the Little Witch School for Stuck Up Jerks?"

Her eyes widen and narrow and she frowns, her pretty face now turning ugly. "Listen, loser, you need to watch what you say to me. I'm not someone you want to mess with." With that she shoves me and saunters down the hall, tossing her white leather bag over my shoulder so it almost hits my face.

I watch her walk away, the anger from the morning and last class coming together on top of this newer anger at this girl. Who does she think she is?

"That's Amber," someone says. I turn and see a girl with long red hair in a braid wearing a purple shirt. She smiles at me. "She's one of the popular girls here. She's not nice to anyone. I'm Iris, by the way."

"Nico," I reply, trying to smile back. "Is it just me or does someone need to give her an attitude adjustment?"

"No one dares," Iris says. "They're too scared of her long nails." This makes me laugh and Iris laughs with me. "You said you needed a student ID photo? Come on, I'll show you where to go." I follow her down the hall and out to the front lawn. I see Castiel leaning against a tree near the wall but I ignore him, listening to Iris talk about how, as seniors, we get to go off campus during lunch. Which is good since the only place to get an ID picture is the dollar store across the street. Turns out Iris is in my history and home ec classes and she's in the music club. She says all students need to join a club but hers is full, which is sad because I was in the music club at my old school. I get my picture and some new pens and we head back to campus. Already I feel like Iris could be a good friend. We pass Castiel again; he hasn't moved from the tree, and I can feel his eyes follow me.

"What's with him?" I mutter to Iris.

"Castiel is a little... Difficult." Iris says. "He's not really nice to anyone. Doesn't talk much either."

"He was nice to me for a little bit," I say. "Then he totally freaked out at me when I said he was good at something." Iris shrugs in response and the bell rings so we head our separate ways. She promises to save me a seat next to her in our home ec class at the end of the day. This makes me happier than I have been all day.

That happy feeling fades when I see Ken is in my next class. He tries to get my attention but I ignore him and sit alone in the back. He tries again and again during class but I try my best to concentrate on dissecting this worm. I pretend it's Ken. He corners me as the teacher is letting us pack our bags. "Nicky, why are you being so mean to me? I only want to help you."

I sigh. "Ken, I'm not Nicky. I'm Nico. I'm not that sad, pathetic girl anymore. And while I'm sure you had good intentions, I don't need or want you here. And if you tell anyone at our old school where I am, especially Jacob and Claire, I'll sic my cat at you. And my father." This makes Ken blanch. My dad is ex-Army and it took a lot of pleading by me and my mother to keep him from hunting down and shooting my ex.

Next period is study hall. Another perk of being a senior. I head down the hall where I think the library is. I spot Castiel down the hall and try to duck into a classroom before he spots me. I'm too late though. He jogs over to me, stopping me before I can go into the empty room. "Hey. Can I show you something?"

"You going to be mean to me again? Cuz I'm telling you now, it's been a crap day and I don't need any more reasons for it to be that way."

He shakes his head. "No. Just come with me." Without waiting for my response he walks towards the stairs in the opposite direction of the library. I sigh and follow him. May as well since I have no idea where the library is anyway.

He takes the stairs two at a time, leaving me to try and catch up. I have shorter legs so by the time we reach the top of the staircase I'm breathing a little heavy. Castiel fishes a key out of his pocket and unlocks the door with a sign on it that says 'Roof. No admittance.'. He opens it and holds it open for me, gesturing for me to go first. "After you." A little wary, I step through the door. My breath catches in my throat as I see the view.

The school is up above the town on a hill. From any place on campus you can usually see some of the homes and shops below. But from here, you can see everything and more. The mountains in the distance look very close from here. The wind is gentle and plays with the ends of my hair. I look at Castiel who is lounging against the wall by the door that he left open. He is watching me, waiting for my reaction, his body tense. I realize this is his secret place, his refuge, and he is sharing it with me. This makes me smile. He really is pretty sweet under all that moodiness.

"How did you find this place?" I ask.

"Swiped the keys from the student council president awhile back. I come up here instead of going to the library during study period."

"I don't blame you. It's way nicer up here than any library. Not that I know where the library here is."

He smiles at that. "The old pink bat didn't assign someone to show you around?"

I assume he means the principal. "Yeah, she kinda did. But Nathaniel said something that pissed me off so I didn't get the grand tour."

Castiel chuckles and takes a seat on the floor with his back against the wall, tilting his face up towards the sun. "He did, huh? Good to know I'm not the only one around here who doesn't think he's amazing."

"He's a stuffed shirt for sure," I say, taking a seat next to him. I pull my folder out of my bag and start filling out the form Nathaniel gave me this morning. Castiel and I sit in silence for the rest of the period. I finish the form and start working on homework while he just sits with his eyes closed. I think he even falls asleep for a few minutes. Right before the bell rings to signal the end of the period he stands, brushing off his jeans. He silently offers me a hand up. I take it and he pulls me to my feet with ease. His hand is warm and slightly calloused and lingers maybe a second too long.

"Thanks for bringing me up here," I say. "Would you mind if I came again tomorrow?"

He nods. "I'll meet you at the door. Bring your math homework, I'll help you with it." This earns him a smile.

"Thanks Castiel. See you tomorrow."

"See you, Nico."

I like the way my name sounds when he says it.

I meet Iris in front of the home ec classroom (I didn't get lost, yay!). We go in together and grab a table at the back. The rude blonde girl from before- Amber, I think?- is here too, paired with an Asian girl with straight black hair in a red dress.

"How does anyone stand being around that witch?" I whisper to Iris.

"That's Lin. Her and Charlotte are Amber's best friends. None of them are very nice."

"There's always a trio of popular girls who aren't very nice, isn't there?"

Iris nods. "Even at your old school?"

"Especially at my old school." The teacher comes in just as the bell rings to begin the period. His name is Mr. Houle and he starts us off mixing cookie dough right away. These are simple cookies I've made a thousand times at home. I'm pleased when Amber's first batch comes out as lumps of charcoal. Amber glares at me when she hears me laughing at how badly she messed up.

As our cookies cool, Iris and I continue to talk. She's a genuinely sweet person and while she giggles at my snide remarks about Amber she admonishes me for saying them. At the end of class she gives me her cell phone number and asks me to text her if I need anything or want to chat. I promise to tonight after I get home. The final bell rings and I head back to the student council room to give Nathaniel his form and my picture.

He's at the same desk I saw him at this morning, hunched over an identical stack of papers. This time he notices when I walk in. "Hey Nico. Do you have everything?"

"Yeah. Here you go." I have him the form and photo. He glances over them quickly before slipping them into a folder with my name on it. "You're pretty organized, aren't you?"

"I have to be," he says. "I'm in charge of most of the student forms. It's my job to make sure all students are accounted for."

I stare at him. "You aren't a lot of fun, are you?"

He flushes at that (boy embaresses easy, apparently). "I-I can be fun."

"Uh huh," I say, disbelief thick in my voice. "So tell me a joke."

"Excuse me?"

"A joke. You know, knock knock, who's there, etc etc?"

"Oh. Um, ok..." He thinks for a moment. "What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?" He pauses a beat. "If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment."

I can't help it. It's such a bad joke that I need to laugh. Then I can't stop. Today has been such a roller coaster of emotions and events that I need to let it all out. Nathaniel looks surprised at my laughing then begins to laugh himself. I laugh until tears form in the corner of my eyes. Then I am crying for real and Nathaniel looks panicked. He helps me to sit down at a desk.

"Are you alright? Nico, take a deep breath before you pass out."

I take several breaths and focus on the air going in and out of my lungs. In, out. In, out. I am strong. No being scared. Give it my all and let no one take from me. I calm down enough to smile at him. "Sorry about that. I'm ok now."

"It's alright," he says. He pulls a honest to God handkerchief from his pocket and gives it to me. I take it and dab at my nose and eyes, hoping I don't look too blotchy. "Rough day?"

"In more ways than one," I sigh. "I had hoped coming to a new school would make all the drama and rudeness go away. Guess it's a high school constant."

"I am sorry for my comment earlier," Nathaniel says. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Yeah, it wasn't the best way to start my first day," I say with a grin. "But apology accepted." I try and give him the handkerchief back but he shakes his head.

"Keep it for now. Just in case tomorrow isn't as good as you hoped either." I nod and tuck it into my back pocket. I'll wash it and return it to him later. Despite the insensitivity of earlier Nathaniel is turning out to be a decent guy. Maybe he can be a friend too.

Time to go home and soak this day out of my bones.