Disclaimer : I am not the creator/rightful owner for the Katekyo Hitman Reborn Series.
A/N : This is a very tautological fic, so why waste time here? Go watch the Olympics. I know I am. :D Those who insist otherwise, sorry for the bad edit.
Tsuna cries when he embraces him. Don't get him wrong, those were happy tears, sadism plays little part in Gokudera's life, because some things in life just don't appeal much after you've been on the receiving side of it for as long as you can remember. Any other person, no matter how beautiful, he would be instantly turned off, tears and whining just killed the mood for him, like water killing fire. But with Tsuna…he feels as if he's smiling chin up in the downpour.
It was never him that Tsuna wanted to begin with. Always something better that someone other than him could offer. Reborn's mentorship. Lal Mirch's training. The list went on and endless. Something more special, more gentle. But instead he got him. Part gunpowder, part flame, acting the good part of a loose cannon. But Gokudera never once thought he was hopeless, there were many painful moments, truth be told, but somehow he convinced himself that those cracking sounds he hears are not of his own heart breaking, but simply growing out spaces to hold in his love for Tsuna, because otherwise it might burst open like overfilling candy and poison him unknowingly, though that sounds like a wicked sweet thing to happen to anyone. And needless to say, the thought that he might be a bit more than desperate didn't cross his mind either.
For Tsuna was all Gokudera could see. He refused to see anything else, not even past his own existence, until what Tsuna told him before he almost died in the battle of Storm, didn't believe anyone else existed, before he found his own reason for existence in the other boy. That moment, what went across his mind was not the pain from his bleeding arms, or smoke smothering his eyes, which became teary anyhow, but sadness, pure, overwhelming sadness, with the realization that he had lived fourteen years of his life before meeting Tsuna, much time wasted, but then again, he can be happy because some people may live long lone years without even catching so much as a glimpse of their beloved to the grave. And he is sure he can make up for it by living out the rest of his life by Tsuna's side. And by golly he should have outgrown these inner romantic innards of his by now.
Speaking of how selfless he was, he prided himself in never afraid of holding all the things that could kill him, his weapons or his cigarettes. But he was afraid of the mere thought of holding, let alone approaching Tsuna. He would tremble, stutter, perspire, wanting it so bad he wanted the opposite to happen, believing he does not deserve Tsuna's kind grace. When Reborn gave him the Guardians Ring he became temporarily insomniac because he was afraid he might sleep and never wake up and never ever get to tell Tsuna how he loved him so. Then he felt really jealous of the other Guardians who were also holding the same ring as he was, and doubtlessly being ecstatic or otherwise excited to some extent about the blessing. But he always managed to tell himself how it would be okay to die with happy dreams, seeing how his drawer is stuffed full of paper with love lines that he is sure a snooping friend like Yamamoto would discover at the expense of his privacy. At least his corpse wouldn't blush.
So back to his irrational fear. Who wouldn't be afraid of holding the sky in their hands? Something so beautiful that should be free, but yet there it is, in your hands. You get afraid, no matter how you cradle it, treasure it, you're sure someone will see it's brilliance and steal it away from you, or even worse, your butterfingers slip and it's dirtied muddy. And no one has wilder fingers than Gokudera. It's silly even to try to hide something so...so blindingly radiant in its own, because light seeps through closed palms and when Gokudera sees people in awe over precious stones he's reminded of how people gather around Tsuna uncontrollably to admire the amazing thing that is he. And Gokudera, having once beheld the sky's magnificence, can never bear to look away at anything else again.
He hated to admit this, but he was a coward, once, or maybe more. He ran from Bianchi's pastries. He ran from his recitals. He ran, ran, ran, to many places many times, but, until he met Tsuna, he never knew he wasn't getting anywhere at all. He understands that he is but a small part of Tsuna's world and he is not happy with the thought. But Tsuna, Tsuna is the world to him. Nothing else. The sky had swallowed everything, taking up all the space in his small heart. It won't be fair for him to have to let go of love, now that he's found it, after all those stumbling childhood years and skinned knees without bandages. No one is supporting his crusade for Tsuna's attention yet, but he is grateful for the silence because that means no one can tell him to give up either, not as if they had a chance of persuading him otherwise.
Gokudera was on fire all the time. No, not in the way Ryohei was always burning with those metaphorical flames of passion. But in a dreaded way, perhaps something even more cheesy! The kind of invisible fire not seen but felt, and once alight within one's soul inspires composers to write songs lamenting lovers lost and kept Something Kyoko and that dark haired friend of hers liked to gossip and giggle about, how cute, they would coo, and Gokudera would revise why he thought girls were annoying. Speaking of peer pressure, Gokudera had wanted to be all cool and suave to impress Tsuna, grade school mentality be damned, but he always ended up doing the opposite. But he doesn't mind running around in circles, if it starts and ends with Tsuna and because circles are endless, so he can go on and on about Tsuna.
Gokudera is cowardly, but that's not all he is, and that is what sets him apart from all other cowards. A coward risks everything for himself, and Gokudera likewise would risk everything, but for Tsuna. He fought his own battles, because he knows everything he is and will be is ultimately for Tsuna. Tsuna might not be wanting him yet for now, but he won't give up. That's why he gets easily annoyed too, because as he sees it everything was a standing obstacle between him and Tsuna. If he can see the sky, he can keep trying to reach it, and if he holds his arms together, he feels he is holding dearly the beloved blue infinity.
END
A/N : So, flattering view of Tsuna isn't it? Well that's from Gokudera so of course it is the way it is. Man but even I'm sick of all that repetitiveness. Question, do any of you think insane people have dreams?