TITLE: The Importance of Having Seaweed
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(N.B: Obi-Wan is twenty in this story. With thanks to Robert Burns for the poem)
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"You wouldn't."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because you're…you're a coward!"
The conversation had gone round and round in similar fashion for the last hour as the little group made their way down towards the sea. Florizan had been the ideal choice for a vacation. It was a lush, verdant and prosperous planet and one where Jedi were looked upon in an almost reverential manner. Relatively undisturbed by tourist types, it appeared to Qui-Gon to be virtually idyllic.
As he surveyed the warm, salty waves Qui-Gon decided that the time to cut a little loose and enjoy himself had definitely arrived.
"I'm game." He said finally.
Mace looked more than a little startled. "You are?"
"I just said so." Jinn smiled at him. "But what about you?"
"Well…" Mace frowned. He'd been banking on his friend bottling out. "I suppose if you are prepared to strip off for all the world to see…"
"It's hardly the whole world." Qui-Gon replied patiently. "The padawans are back at the camp. They have their lessons to attend to."
"Even so." Mace felt uncertain.
"I'm certainly going to go in." Berlingside pulled off his socks one after the other and dropped his boots onto the golden sand. "I've got nothing to be ashamed of." He treated them to his biggest Corellian grin.
Faced with such solidarity, Windu took comfort and nodded his assent.
"Been a good few years since I tried this." He said, removing his belt.
"You're just scared incase somebody sees that tattoo on your butt." Dex Berlingside remarked as he removed his tunic top.
"Relax, Mace. Just think of it as reliving your wasted youth." Qui-Gon said reassuringly.
"I had less scruples in those days." He countered as he started to undress.
"Scruples?" Berlingside frowned. "Never heard it called that before."
The handsome Corellian stood completely naked, looking towards the inviting sea.
"Last one in is Sith spit!" He yelled and charged down towards the glittering waves.
"You got a head start, you sneaky Corellian!" Mace growled as Qui-Gon removed the last of his clothes and followed Dexy at a fair clip. "Wait up, Qui!"
Fumbling as he rid of himself of the last of his garments, he reluctantly strolled down towards his fellow Jedi.
Whoever heard of Jedi going skinny-dipping at their age?
********************************
Kryztan Harkley grumbled to himself as he tossed aside his lessons for that morning.
"Some vacation." He groused. "Our masters cart us all the way to this so called paradise and then make us spend the best part of the day inside a tent doing galactic geographic studies!"
"You think THAT'S bad." Jemmiah pouted at him. "I've got learn archaic poetry! My sixteenth birthday is only two weeks away. I've got a party to plan, and I have to read this ancient nonsense."
"Really?" Letina Sorrell pulled a sympathetic face. "Makes my humble history assignment seem insignificant."
"Let's have a look." Kenobi walked over to peer at the book screen she was reading from. "I'm sure I can find something worth reading."
"Good luck." Jemmy grimaced.
He flipped through the screeds of text. As Jemmiah had said, a lot of it was fairly heavy reading. Eventually his eyes alighted upon one that seemed more understandable.
"How about this?" He pointed at the words.
"But to see her was to love her
Love but her, and love forever.
Had we never loved so kindly,
Had we never loved so blindly,
Never met-or never parted-
We had ne'er been broken hearted."
Obi-Wan hadn't been aware he'd said the words out loud.
"That's nice." Jemmiah said, surprised. "I like that. You can read it at my funeral."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I have never met anyone so morbid in my life!"
"Everyone dies."
"But you are obsessed with death." Obi-Wan sighed. " You're younger than Qui-Gon and myself. You'll be reading it at MY funeral."
"I don't think so, Ben." She said sadly. "I have the feeling that you will outlast everyone."
Kenobi frowned. "I'd hate that. Let's change the subject." He said, realizing that the others were staring at him. "I don't know about you, but I am going for a swim."
Simeon wandered into Kenobi's tent and yawned. "Swim? Who said that?"
"Does that mean you're going to join me in my little padawan revolt?" Obi-Wan asked his friend.
"Hmmm." Simeon flicked his black braid backwards. "Let me think about that one. A chance to have a dip in the surf or stay here and listen to Kryztan brag about his latest conquests. Tricky."
"I'll take that as a yes." Obi-Wan said dryly. " Tell Jay we're going to the beach."
"But our master's have gone there." Kryztan replied. "What will they say if they spot us?"
"It's a large beach." Kenobi answered. "It's just a question of shielding ourselves, that's all. We've done it before."
Obi-Wan's eyes gleamed. "I know. We'll go skinny-dipping."
Jemmiah laughed. "Oh, this I have GOT to see."
"Who invited you?" Simeon looked worried. "I'm not stripping off in front of any girls."
"What are you hiding, Simeon?" Letina chuckled.
"That's what you're not going to find out." He replied with a sweet smile.
"No, let them join in if they want." Harkley smiled his most charming smile. "I'm all in favor of mixed bathing."
"On second thoughts, I think we'll skip that." Letina muttered.
"Good." Obi-Wan grinned. "Let's see what we can salvage from the rest of the morning."
Letina and Jemmiah watched them leave.
"Oh, well." Jemmy sighed. "It looks like we'll have to get out cheap thrills from reading about the Sith Wars."
**********************************
Jemmiah got bored really quickly.
"There must be something to do round here rather than stare at the roof of a tent." She grumbled.
"How about we go spy on the boys." Letina offered. "We can grab Kylenn and Sybelle on the way down. Could be fun."
"Which way did they go?" Jemmy wondered. "As Ben said, it's a large beach."
"Oh, we'll find them somehow." Letina stood up and pulled Jemmy out of the tent. "If the worst comes to the worst we'll have had some fresh air. The masters can't say much about that."
***********************************
Qui-Gon shook the water from his long hair.
"Don't you feel guilty about making our padawans do lessons whilst we are out enjoying themselves?" He asked Mace.
"Nope." Windu smiled.
"Me neither." Dex answered. "This is a chance to have a little holiday. I see enough of Kryztan when he's at the temple and I'm sure he thinks the same about me. Anyway, it will be a good lesson in discipline."
"I don't know." Qui-Gon frowned. "I just think it's a little unfair that we've made them stay inside those tents…"
"Oh, give over." Mace rolled his eyes. "I'll race you to those rocks. The last one to get there has to cook lunch!"
"Well it's not going to be ME!" Jinn dived under water, banishing his guilt from his mind.
"Or me." Dexy agreed, plunging headfirst underneath the waves.
"Sith!" Mace yelled crossly as they left him behind again. "I've had another idea. We can get the padawans to cook lunch…"
As Qui-Gon broke the surface, his thoughts momentarily dwelt on Obi-Wan. Maybe he should have let him off that assignment.
Oh, well he'd make it up to him somehow. Hard work brought it's own rewards…
******************************
"This is the life." Kenobi grinned as he basked in the sun with his arms behind his head as a pillow.
"Mmmmm." Abran agreed.
"How is it I always go that red, blotchy color?" Simeon snorted in disgust. "Nobody else does."
"Is my nose freckling?" Kryztan asked worriedly.
"Probably." Drawled Jay Abran without opening his eyes.
"This is a much better idea than skinny-dipping." Obi-Wan sighed contentedly.
"Maybe I should have put on stronger cream." Kryztan muttered.
"I'm burned all over." Simeon craned his neck round to see his scorched shoulders.
Kenobi sat up.
"I know the perfect way to protect you from the sun." He smiled.
********************************
"Where are they?" Kylenn looked in vain for the male padawans, straining her Jedi powers to their limits to help her locate them.
"They're shielding. That's what they told us." Jemmy folded her arms indignantly. "I don't call that fair."
"We've been at this a whole hour and a half." Sybelle sniffed. "There's not even been a sight of them. And our masters will be back at camp soon wondering how come everything's so very quiet."
"We'd better start back…" Letina agreed reluctantly, halting as Jemmiah's hand went up to caution her.
Jemmiah pointed to what appeared to be a heap of clothes on the beach.
"There they are." She chuckled. "Look, they've left their robes off."
"I don't see 'em." Sybelle looked about.
"They'll have gone behind those rocks," Jemmiah replied, staring into the distance. She looked down at the clothes.
"I've had a really Sithly idea." She smiled.
"What?" Kylenn wondered with not a little apprehension.
Jemmy strode down to the clothes, looking about quickly for any sign of their owners. Picking them up and gathering them into a bundle, she slowly walked back to her awe-struck companions.
"Let's go." Jemmy whistled as she continued to walk back towards the camp.
************************************
"This is a really bad idea." Simeon grumbled as Kenobi packed the sand tightly around his neck.
"Do you feel cooler?" He asked.
"Well...yes. But…"
"Then stop whining!" Obi-Wan hid his grin.
Jay Abran and Kryztan stood back to admire their handy work.
"I declare the Simeon Cates living sand structure open." Obi-Wan laughed. "I now toast this spectacular monument in the traditional manner. "He picked up a bucket of water and poured it over Simeon's head.
"I don't believe I actually gave you my permission to bury me in the sand."
"Oh, stop griping." Jay replied, reaching forward to pick a piece of seaweed from Cate's braid. "What can go wrong?"
The words were hardly out of his mouth when Simeon's scream of pure terror told them that something had gone very wrong after all…
*************************************
"Looks like you're cooking lunch again." Qui-Gon splashed Windu in the face with a force-assisted wave.
"Cut that out!" Mace sulked.
"You're expression will stick like that." Dexy warned.
"It already has." Jinn replied.
"You cheated!" Mace cursed. "I don't know how you did it, but I know that you…"
"Look," Qui-Gon sighed, "I'm a fair minded person, and so is Dex. We'll do a deal with you."
"What?" Windu asked suspiciously, as they headed back round the rocks.
"The last one back on the beach, dried off and in their clothes gets to cook lunch. Agreed?"
"Fine with me?" Dex nodded.
"Yeah," the competitive light in Mace's eyes returned once more, "you're on! But this time I get to say go."
"OK." Jinn conceded.
Mace looked at the two friends as they prepared to push themselves off the rocks to gain some momentum.
"One, two, three…"
"GO!" Shouted Qui-Gon and pushed Dexy aside and dived under the water again.
Berlingside just laughed with good humor and swam after him.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!" Yelled Mace.
He sighed as he watched them power away.
"It looks as if it's Corelli beans on toast again, then."
*********************************
"How was I to know there was a crab in the sand?" Obi-Wan winced as Simeon limped towards the tent, bent double with the pain from the wounded part of his anatomy.
"You just wait until the next time you're at the healers and you need a bedpan brought to you." Simeon spat. "See if you get any sympathy from me."
"He's got you there, Obi." Jay admitted.
"And that crab got me HERE!" Hissed a distressed Simeon, holding a hand to his groin.
Obi-Wan stopped him in his tracks.
"Simeon," he said with his eyes turned to the ground in shame, "I am really sorry. I mean it. It's not something any of us would like to happen. And it's a measure of my remorse that I haven't burst out laughing." His lip wavered a touch. "Until now."
Cates took a long hard look at his friends as they slumped to the ground with laughter shaking their frames.
"I hope you've not used up all the bandages." He glared at Kenobi, who threw his head back in hysterics.
************************************
Qui-Gon couldn't believe it.
They'd been treading water for hours. When they'd got back to the site where they'd left their clothes and towels, they had found them to no longer be there.
"We can't stay here forever." Dex muttered.
"Someone's bound to spot we're missing." Qui-Gon replied.
"I can't keep treading water like this." Windu yelled.
"Fine. Go ahead and drown then." Jinn snapped back.
"Why don't we just get out?" Berlingside groaned. "This is playing merry hell with my skin. I am so dehydrated you could mistake me for a salted herring!"
They looked at him.
"Get out?" Windu stared in disbelief. "And then what? Wander back to the camp without any clothing? What are our padawans going to think?"
"Permission to scream." Dexy closed his eyes.
"Look," said Qui-Gon, "Let's stay calm. There's a large clump of seaweed over there. If we got out we could…"
"NO!" Mace replied stonily. "I am not walking back to camp with just a bunch of seaweed covering my modesty."
Qui-Gon looked directly at him. "Then I hope you like swimming. Because you're going to be doing an awful lot of it!"
***********************************
"The boys are back." Kylenn whispered to Jemmiah as they poked their heads round the tent opening.
As they stared, they saw Simeon bent over with tears in his eyes and Obi-Wan and Kryztan walking on either side of him, trying to keep him moving. Jay Abran walked a few paces behind with a smirk on his face.
"Jemmy?" Kylenn gulped. "How come the boys are fully clothed?"
Jemmiah looked at the padawans outside and then down at the clothes in her hands. No. It couldn't be…
Her eyes rounded as the horrific thought took hold. She dashed outside as if somebody had set her on fire.
"Where are you going?" Kylenn asked.
"To bury the evidence!" Jemmy wailed as she ran away from the camp.
***********************************
"So, what exactly happened?" Sybelle scrunched up her face as she went over the day's events. "You're saying that a large Florizan crab was buried in the sand with Simeon and it attached itself to his, er…"
"Yes." Obi-Wan smiled. "It attached itself to his, er…"
"It's not funny." Moaned Simeon.
"Shall I rub some ointment on it?" Jemmy asked. She really hoped nobody would ask about the missing clothes…
"NO!" Simeon yelped.
"What size of Bacta plaster do you need?" Kenobi tittered.
Jemmiah rummaged around in the medi-kit and held up a corn plaster.
"Hey, guys." Kryztan shouted as he popped his head round Kenobi's tent. "The master's are back…and, well…you HAVE to see this!"
Obi-Wan blinked in surprise and followed Harkley to the entrance. His jaw dropped.
They were completely stark naked, except for a large amount of seaweed that they were holding infront of them by the force. Kenobi noted that Jemmiah seemed to be biting her lip.
As the masters drew level with the padawans, Berlingside shot Kryztan a quick look.
"Don't say ANYTHING." He warned through gritted teeth.
"That goes double for you, Obi-Wan." Warned Jinn.
Jemmy stifled a giggle. She waited until Mace had walked past her.
"Master Windu, you're seaweed is wilting." She smirked.
**********************************
They sat huddled round the campfire later that night, recovering from another round of Mace's beans on toast. Qui-Gon and the other masters complained of muscles being stiff from overuse and Simeon wasn't saying much of anything to anybody. Apart from that the atmosphere was one of relaxation after a momentous day.
"I thought seeing you were so brave and went through so much, that I would cook supper tonight." Jemmiah offered.
Mace immediately brightened. "Sounds good."
"Thank you for your generous offer." Qui-Gon said, amazement registering on his face. "We accept with gratitude."
"That's OK." Jemmy smiled.
"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked tentatively.
"Something we shall all enjoy." She answered.
"Which is?"
She looked at Simeon with a wicked grin on her face.
"Crab." She said.