Superhero Spam

By Lord Raa

Can 1

Disclaim-me-do: I do hope that you're not expecting literature here.

Shinji sat in the test entry plug, waiting for the Sync Test to finish.

For some reason Asuka and Rei had finished theirs quicker than his, not that he understood the technical aspects of the Eva units and their operation.

"Are we nearly done, Misato-san?" the Third Child whined.

"What? Oh yes, it's nearly over, Shinji," Misato said, snapping out of her daze.

Before the Captain could tell the pilot that the test was over, an electrical surge caused the console to spark. "Whoa!"

"Damn it! I thought I told them to install fuses in the systems here," Ritsuko shouted at the fried computer terminal.

After the circuit breakers were reset, Misato remembered that Shinji was still in the entry plug.

"Can we get Shinji out of there?" Misato asked her friend. "You know that he'll just whine if we keep him in there any longer than we have to."

"Yeah, let's get Whiney McCrybaby out of there, before he has a breakdown," Ritsuko sighed.

Inside the darkened test plug, Shinji was becoming unsettled. Normally if there was a problem, Misato or one of the others would tell him. Sometimes they'd even manage to give the bad news with a straight face.

"I have to get out of here soon, Misato said that it's my turn to cook tonight."

Actually that was a lie on the part of Shinji's guardian. It was her turn to cook tonight, but she was feeling a bit rough after the previous night's drinking.

Noticing that his ankle itched, Shinji reached down to scratch it. That was when he realised that something was wrong – he was able to touch his feet without bending down.

"AAARRGGGHH!" the angst ridden pilot screeched.

Outside the test rigs, Misato sighed.

"It looks like we're too late, Ritsuko."

"Damn," the blonde woman shook her head. "Why can't he be more like his father?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, stronger, more decisive and generally being more manly," Ritsuko elaborated.

"Oh," Misato nodded.

Ritsuko managed to get the hatch open before Shinji restarted his screaming fit.

"What's the matter, Shinji?"

"This," Shinji said in a panicky voice. He reached out and touched the blonde on the top of her head.

"Whoa," Misato whistled in amazement. "That's what, two metres?"

"2.25 meters," Ritsuko corrected. "Now why has that happened?"

"Don't ask me!" Shinji shrugged before getting out of the test plug. "I never asked to be like this!"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes at the whiney nature of the Commander's son.

As the trio walked to the infirmary for a closer analysis of the pilot's new condition, Misato had a naughty glint in her eye.

'I wonder if he can stretch other parts of his body," the purple haired captain mused. 'Perhaps I take this opportunity to make him manlier?'

Shinji was not liking this latest development in his life. He really hated his father; for abandoning him, taking him away from his nice, dull life, forcing him to pilot an experimental machine and turning him in a stretchy freak because of an accident at work.

'I can see that Misato-san hates me even more because of it,' he wrongly decided.

Upon entering the medical facility, Shinji was told to strip, much to his embarrassment.

"So then, Shinji, what parts of your body can you stretch?" Misato asked, becoming more interested in Shinji than she had since Asuka moved in a while ago.

"I don't know, let me see," Shinji said as he began manipulating his body.

First the pilot's legs started to become elongated before they returned to normal, then his torso was drawn out, like a piece of taffy.

Ritsuko, out of scientific interest poked the naked pilot in his distorted chest. "Hmm, it feels normal."

"Hey, Shinji," Misato grinned lecherously, "can you make yourself bigger?"

"What do you mean, Misato-san?" Shinji asked, confused by his roommates request.

"She means 'South of the Boarder', Shinji," Ritsuko explained. She wasn't too impressed with her friend's question, though she was curious herself.

For scientific reasons, you understand. She wasn't a pervert like Misato.

Though the bottle blonde was thinking that Shinji might be cute when she saw his manhood lengthen to 30 centimetres. Her opinion of Shinji was becoming significantly more positive when the bit her friend was most interested in suddenly acquired the circumference of soft drink can.

"MINE!"

Ritsuko blinked as the Tactical Operations Officer glomped her test subject. "Misato?"

"Hey, as Shinji's guardian, I have to make sure that he remains safe. Now find your own sex toy," Misato said, pulling out her pistol.

"That's not fair, you didn't think too highly of Shinji earlier," Ritsuko protested.

"You snooze, you lose. Shinji, let's go home. You've had a stressful day, so I'll get Asuka to sleep over at a friend's," Misato smiled as she gently stroked Shinji's chest.

"O-ok," Shinji gulped nervously.

The next day, Gendo Ikari was reviewing the report that Section Two placed on his desk.

"So it seems that the Third Child has proven popular with the ladies at last."

Ritsuko had protested when they had met up the night before, so it wasn't a huge surprise when he saw the document. Though he thought that the blonde woman was exaggerating when she mentioned the abilities until he saw the photos of his son's equipment.

"Impressive."

Don't expect this to be continued like the rest of my stories, this is just a bit of fun that was inspired by the "Shinji the Superhero" stories that seemed to have cropped up.

No pre-reader was used in the writing of this fic, as I was writing it lunchtime and my pre-reader lives in another time zone.

If you want more, than you know what to do.

PS, Sausages, It was a Tuesday is still being written. It's just that I've run into a minor block at the moment.