The light from the full moon illuminated Sirius's face as we sat in the garden. He had his hand resting against my racing heart like he always does and hums a childhood tune. It always brings me back to the first time he had witnessed a transformation. I was twelve years old and Sirius and I were exploring in the Forbidden Forest at night. I had lost track of the moon cycle in the past two weeks, but I was willing to risk my secret to fulfill my duty as a mischievous Marauder. The moon had peeked through the canopy, and as it reached my skin I knew what was to follow. My joints flared and and my body elongated. The moonlight displayed my gnarled hands and gangly arms, but my looming body was still hidden in the darkness of the forest. I was losing control of my thoughts, my mind, my body. The last I saw before my vision completely blurred was Sirius cowering under my diffusing shadow. He whispered my name apprehensively and I wanted to reach out and reassure him, but my actions were uncontrollable now.

I only realize the blackness when I'm being released from it. I'm sprawled across the forest floor and look up to see Sirius's face gazing down at me. He is holding his glowing wand over me delicately. His disheveled hair has a trail of the blood dripping from his forehead. Before I notice anything else I hear a familiar tune. One from my childhood and one from his. Our parents would hum this to us at night time to lull us to sleep. It was calming. I had never reentered the world from a spell as peaceful as I did. The serenity of his voice brought me back. Later he had explained that he panicked. This melody would calm him down, he felt in his gut that this was his best option. It is interesting how the subconscious can unlock. Ever since elementary school the terror and danger would be inevitable and untamed. "Why didn't you run away?" I asked quietly. "Can I show you a secret?" Sirius said in response. I hadn't understood how this answered my question until moments later when he put his finger over his lips in a hushing motion while the light left his wand and he retreated into the drifting fog. He almost disappeared until I saw a oversized black dog staring back at me with beady eyes through the veil of the fog. Its pitch eyes were filled with intent, and I knew it was Sirius. He swiftly grew larger and transformed at will into his usual self. "We both transform, just in different ways." he said compassionately.

This scene replays in my head as I grasp onto reality outside the Weasley's house. I glance at the window and see Arthur watching us through the curtains. As our gazes meet his eyes shift away and he returns to his paper at the kitchen table.

This cycle with Sirius was one that has lasted years. He always tries to coax me out of transforming even though it has always been unsuccessful. He resorts to the humming eventually and eventually I return as myself. We pace wearily back to the Weasley's house through the back door just as the children arrive. Sirius goes out with Arthur to greet them as I stay back and lean against the doorway. A prisoner of Azkaban has the unerasable brand of being a vicious barbarian and crazed lunatic. The press always exposes them at their weakest moments to incriminate and dehumanize them. Sirius may be free, but this label is still chained to him and he will always be a prisoner of that reputation. Of course his close loved ones have known him before his conviction and can always see through this stigma if his empathy isn't overwhelmingly enough. I admire his warmth as he welcomes the gang and embraces his godson. A tiny smile escapes my lips and I turn in the kitchen now fully smiling to myself. I am proud of the man he has become and I am proud that we have been the best of friends for decades. Hopefully for many more.

Dumbledore sent a warning to the Order of the Phoenix to go into hiding and communicate secretly. During this time I resided with Nymphadora in the countryside. It was surreal to be off the grid when a war was happening. We received updates from Sirius a couple times a week, but they stopped after a while. We couldn't leave our safe haven by Dumbledore's command, so we waited anxiously for news from or about Sirius. We were debating going out to look for him on our own until Sirius showed up one night at our door weak, exhausted, and battered. He fell to his knees once he stepped into the cottage and pressed his shaking face onto my leg as he grasped my back. He looked up at me and Nymphadora and roughly stated, "The kids are going to the ministry to look for me. We have to get there before the death eaters and even Voldemort do.". We swiftly fled the countryside to the ministry and appeared in a dark room with a tumultuous archway. The children were each held at wand point by intimidating death eaters. Sirius approached Lucius Malfoy and commanded, "Step away from my godson.". He attacked Lucius and sent him flying. The Order of the Phoenix turned to the death eaters and did the same. We were in a full on battle, light magic against dark. The death eaters were all either vanquished or disappeared leaving only Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange. I saw Sirius smirk as he readied himself to finish off Malfoy. He didn't notice Bellatrix in the shadows when she cast a deadly spell. "Avada Kedavra!" she cackled. Sirius knew he was doomed. He looked longingly over Harry's shoulder into my eyes holding onto his last moments. We both wanted to live forever gazing into eachothers' eyes and growing old, but his slowly started rolling back and losing color. The churning archway lifted him off. His hand reached out, but the glistening aura had almost engulfed him. I had spent my life internalizing pain, something that Sirius didn't have much experience in. It explains why him and Harry were so close because they were so open in their feelings. I saw Harry's expression of disbelief, despair, and disgust. I knew I had to take Sirius's place in some sort. I held him back as he cried out and tried to reach with his hand outstretched to grab onto Sirius, but he was gone.

I had never thought of a day where Sirius would leave me. I always thought I would be killed during one of my transformations and he would be left with a hole in his heart. I understand now why Harry is the chosen one. He has touched so many lives and he is the reason I go on. I have to be a mentor for him. He now plays a significant role in my story, not to mention Nymphadora. I love her so much, just not in the way I loved Sirius. She was a very good friend and I figured an amicable friendship is a pretty good marriage arrangement. It was bearable only by the fact that Sirius would always be with me. Always. Now he is gone. I knew that she was the only one who could maybe mend a little of my broken soul. We were always kind of a trio. I was the liaison that allowed them to project their feelings onto me. I always listened.

Snapping back into reality the world around me reappeared. Everything from the greenish hue of the room, to the milky portal, to the inky clouds encircling the group made me sick to my stomach. I knew that far in the future I would vividly remember every detail of this harrowing day. After returning home with Nymphadora, I went up to the attic. After locking the door, I sat on the ledge by the windowsill gazing out at the rain splattering on the glass paned window. I solemnly rocked back and forth rhythmically in between bites of chocolate. Apparently it could help you feel better.