It was the beginning of springtime in Camelot. The buds on the trees and the birds in the sky were just beginning, and the flowers were showing off their brilliant shades. Such an array of reds, yellows, blues, pinks, and purples that it seemed like God had used every color in his arsenal to create them. The purple lilacs were a particular feat. There were hundreds of them growing just outside of the lower town, and many that grew in the royal family's garden.
There were many varieties of flowers in that garden. The queen loved all of the different blooms so much that the king had personally taken it upon himself to put all of her favorites in their little private courtyard. Roses, tulips, lilies, the queen loved them all. However the best to see were the lilacs.
To Arthur, lilacs had always signaled the coming of spring. It was a season which embodied the idea of rebirth. A time to have a fresh start at life, and a chance to make new mistakes and new discoveries in the next seasonal cycle. They grew everywhere naturally outside of Camelot, and some of them had even sneaked their way into the lower town to grow as freely as they pleased. The scent of them was inescapable during this time, although many people did not wish to escape the beautiful, fragrant wafts which emanated from the buds.
However, after he began to fall in love with Gunievere, the flowers became deeply associated in his mind with her. She always had some fresh blooms in her hair, on her clothing, clasped in her hands-even in the dead of winter.
One time, a long time ago when they had first been married, Arthur had asked Guinevere about the flowers.
The lilacs were particularly abundant this spring. They must have sensed that Camelot had taken a new queen who particularly loved their appearance because they were everywhere throughout the city. No one could escape their heavy fragrance. It was evening time, and the royals were in the middle of their private dinner. Arthur had wanted some alone time with his wife that night, as he had had a particularly exhausting day. So he told his servants to send their meal to their chambers instead.
As he complained about his day, Guinevere ate her meal in silence. 'This is odd,' Arthur thought, 'Guinevere is usually much more talkative, much more supportive when I discuss my troubles with her. She usually likes it when I open up. Maybe something is horribly wrong with her?'
With this fear rapidly progressing to the forefront of his mind, he opened his mouth to inquire what was wrong. But Gwen beat him to his unasked question.
"I'm so sorry Arthur, but I don't think I understood a word you said. I've been feeling a little off today. I think I'm just going to retire early tonight-I think I have a slight headache," she said, shifting her eyes slightly downward to the left, biting her lower lip.
Arthur knew that look. It was one that Gwen wore whenever she was deeply upset, but didn't want to unburden her woes on anyone. He understood it when she adopted the expression with people like Merlin, but not him. He was her husband. He was supposed to protect her, keep her happy, so he pressed forward before Gwen could escape to their bed.
"Guinevere," Arthur said in a voice Gwen knew she couldn't refuse, "Tell me what's really wrong."
She bit down harder on her lower lip. She really didn't want to tell Arthur that the lilacs-her favorite flower in the whole world-were the cause of her discomfort. She knew that he would personally make sure that every bush had been ripped from the ground to please her. However, she also knew that he delighted in pointing out every bud which bloomed on their branches when they walked around. Whatever she wanted, her wish was his command. Sometimes, it scared her knowing she had that kind of influence on him (even if it was reciprocated), and today was one of those days.
"…it's the flowers," Gwen said after a moment of hesitation. She was being silly, she knew it. Arthur would understand, or at the very least he would sympathize and try his best to comfort her.
"What about them?" Arthur asked. By this time he had gotten out of his seat and was standing behind Gwen, rubbing her shoulders gently.
"I love them! Don't get me wrong,' she started, "But-today-I just-just couldn't stand to see them."
She fell silent for a moment, her composure was slipping, and Arthur knew better than to press her for more information. It would come when she was ready. A few more moments passed before Gwen continued.
"They were my mother's favorite flowers before she passed away. Usually they give me comfort-whenever I smell them I feel like my mother's ghost is enveloping me in a tight, warm embrace. But today….today was difficult. I don't know why-I guess some days are just better than others…today the flowers felt suffocating. They were a constant reminder of what I lost.
She became quiet once more as Arthur continued to put a slight pressure on her shoulders. He wasn't sure what to do. Although he didn't have any fond memories of his mother, he could relate to mourning the loss of a parent. He did so secretly every year on his birthday. Before he was able to pull his thoughts together, though, Gwen spoke again-even softer than before.
"I remember when she died. We buried her just outside of Camelot where she and my father first met. She was surrounded by lilacs when we put her into the ground. I think some of the seeds fell off of the flowers when we did the ceremony, though, because whenever I visit her grave it's covered in the most beautiful lilacs I've ever seen. I can barely see the tombstone behind it anymore, and the place constantly smells like the flowers. In fact, the flowers there never die. That's where I get my lilacs in the winter."
It had been twenty years since that day, but it was still crystal clear in his mind. He had comforted her throughout the night, and the next morning Gwen was back to her normal self. However, Arthur looked at the flowers in a whole new light after that. They were still linked with Gwen in his mind, but they also represented something more-a connection between lost loved ones.
So it began that every time he went away on official business without Gwen, or he rode into battle, he would give her lilacs before he left. However, they weren't normally just handed to her. Usually, he left them throughout their room, hidden amongst her clothes or under his pillow, waiting for her to find them. They would be like secret little messages just between them. Because when she found them she could be reminded that even though he was far away, and could be lost in battle, that they would always be connected-that he would always love her.
But when he was at home, they would stroll in their gardens every day in the spring. It had become a tradition of sorts between them-a routine which allowed them to keep the other updated on events which occurred in their life, and to spend time together. They would admire the blooms, and laugh over nonsense. And today was no exception.
Arthur dressed himself in casual attire this morning. He had taken today off-he had every day for the past three years. He specially reserved this day so he could spend some time with his wife-he didn't need any fancy armor or clothes for that. He was going to meet Gwen there, like they always had every spring they had been married, so he walked the halls alone.
As he walked he noticed that it was a quiet day today-but wasn't it always? Merlin never disturbed him on this particular date. He had once, about two years ago, foolishly tried to talk with Arthur, but the king did not respond well. Instead, he just lashed out and verbally insulted his best friend and court sorcerer pretty thoroughly. He apologized immediately after he cooled down the following day, but Merlin just waved him off-he knew how much of a prat Arthur was, especially when it came to anniversaries like today.
Arthur smiled as he reached the garden. It hadn't changed a bit in the past three years since they had planted some more small tulips at the entryway. The flowers were in full bloom now, and the scent of the lilacs was particularly strong.
Arthur walked around the courtyard slowly, making his way towards their favorite bench in the far corner-the furthest away from the entrance. It was surrounded by even more lilacs, and was very picturesque. It was a perfect place to be secluded away from the world, and it was usually where they would rendezvous.
As he approached the bench his expression gave way to a small smile, "Hello Guienvere."
He sat down and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of the lilacs deeply. They meant so much more to him now.
He continued on, his eyes still closed, "It's been a particularly awful week. Merlin's being insufferable -as always-going on about some magic-related problem which seems serious, but it is difficult to understand. Leon and his wife lost their child a few days ago-a miscarriage. I promised him time off to take care of his family, naturally. Elyan seemed to be just as on edge as I was this week. But of course, I understand. I completely understand."
Arthur's small smile had slid off his face as he said these words, and his composure began to slip. However, he took a deep breath and forged on, but much quieter this time.
"I miss you Guinevere," he breathed.
Arthur took another pause, wiping away some stray tears before saying with a slight watery laugh, "I think Elyan believes he misses you more, but between you and me I have to disagree with him."
He continued chatting, sitting on the bench with his eyes closed and his hand held out-as if it was seeking for something-or someone-to hold it. But no one did. Because he was all alone in the courtyard.
...
This is dedicated to my dad, who died seven years ago today, and who the lilacs always remind me of.