By Kalnaman
Warnings: Self harm, bulimia and craving of drug use. Contain spanking of an adult, in later chapters.
A/N: I wanted to wait to post this story till it's finished, but I really need some positive reviews as I've got the sad news that my dad has cancer. So my postings will be slow going, but I promise I'll do my best. I've started on part 14 of I'm not a baby!
Thank you VirginSerpent for beta.
Category: Gen. Hurt/comfort.
Summary: Diana Reid's psychiatrist is concerned about Spencer's mental health. He wants Hotch and Gideon to take action. If they don't, he will; and they won't like the consequences if he does.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Criminal Minds.
Spencer didn't know what to do. It'd been weeks since he was rescued from Tobias and all his personalities. He still had the vials in his procession, but luckily he hadn't used it yet. But the withdrawal symptoms were purr torture for him. He wished that his colleagues - his family - would stop pretending that he was okay and start helping him recover from his ordeal. He had thought that at least Gideon, his father figure and mentor, would have taken action by now; taken him under his wings, but like the rest of the team he pretended that all was good and dandy with him.
Instead of taking the Diluadid, he compensated by overeating and then throwing up afterwards, and started to self harm. He deluded himself into thinking it was okay, that he wasn't bulimic, that it was better than to take drugs. He lied to himself; told himself that he could stop as soon as he didn't have cravings for drugs anymore.
oOo
It was the first time Spencer had ever visited his mother as often as he had this week. He was hoping against hope that she could help him, as he couldn't go to his father, because he hadn't seen or talked to him since he was a little kid. Sadly his mother was in a very delusional state and she couldn't be there for him as he needed her to be. He felt all alone and sad. He craved a high dose of Dilaudid and hoped to never to wake up again, so he finally could get some peace.
Diana was sitting in the rocking chair by the window holding a doll in her arms, cradling it like it was a real baby. Spencer sat beside her. "Mom, please. I need you."
Diana kept rocking. "Shhh. Don't wake my baby. Spencey needs all the sleep he can get. He has kept me awake all night with his crying," she said, and then started to sing a lullaby.
"But I'm your Spencey. It's a doll you're holding. I need you to hold me," Spencer said while tears were running down his cheeks.
Diana looked angrily at him, "You are not my son! My son isn't an adult, he is a baby!"
Spencer stood up, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please calm down mo… Diana… i-it is a-a c-cute b-baby you g-got there."
Diana started to calm down and looked down at her 'baby'. "Yes isn't he? He's going to be a very smart young man one day. I just know it."
Spencer let out a sigh and nodded. "I better go. I don't want to be the reason for your b-baby to wake up." He dried his face with his right shirt sleeve and hurried to the nearest bathroom to freshen up before the institution's staff noticed that he'd been crying. Especially his mother's doctor, Dr. Norman, had been on Spencer's back lately. Asking how he was doing. Studying him closely, like he was expecting Spencer to break down at any minute. Spencer was afraid that he would see through him and lock him up in the room next to his mom.
He dried his face after he'd splashed it with water and he started to shiver badly. The cravings were so bad. He was afraid that he soon would fail to fight the need. He hurried into a stall and closed it. He sat down on the closed toilet seat, and took out a knife. He knew it was unwise to cut himself in the bathroom of a mental institution, but he couldn't help himself. He needed some relief and the only way to get it was by cutting himself, and it couldn't wait until he got back to his hotel room.
When he was done, he hurried to clean the wound and walked out of the bathroom, hoping that Dr. Norman or others from the staff wouldn't stop him on his way out of this place. Just as he was almost at the exit, Dr. Norman stopped him. "Dr. Reid, can I talk to you for a minute? In my office please."
Spencer let out a sigh and hung his head. He looked down at his arm where he'd just cut himself. He could see some blood threatening to come through his shirt. "Sorry, Dr. Norman… I-I have to go." Spencer was about to leave, but Dr. Norman stopped him by grabbing his arm at just the place where Spencer had cut himself. "OW!"
Dr. Norman let go of his arm "I'm sorry, Dr. Reid. I didn't mean to hurt you." Dr. Norman looked down at his hand and noticed the blood, and then he looked at Spencer's arm where he'd grabbed him, and there was blood too. "Dr.R-Spencer. My office. Now!" Dr. Norman said in a voice that brooked no arguments. Dr. Norman then looked over at an orderly and gave him a sign to be prepared to help him if need be, and the orderly nodded and stayed close by.
Spencer noticed it and didn't dare to make a scene, so he followed the doctor to his office.
oOo
When they reached his office Dr. Norman and Spencer went inside while the orderly stayed outside the door and kept watch.
Dr. Norman took a seat and gave Spencer a sign to take a seat opposite him. "I'm worried about you Spencer. You've lost weight, you're pale as a ghost and you're shivering. How's your appetite? Do you eat enough?"
Spencer buried his arms between his legs. He looked down at his arms. He didn't dare look the doctor in the eyes, afraid that he would see through his lies. "I-it's o-okay. I-I'm e-eating enough."
Dr. Norman let out a sigh. "Why do I have a hard time believing that Spencer? You don't just lose weight for no reason."
"I've always been of a slender built…"
"Stop lying to yourself, Spencer. Have you ever stuffed yourself full of food and thrown it up afterwards?"
Spencer looked up, anger clearly showing on his face. "I'm not bulimic!"
"Spencer. You're giving me all the signs that you are." Dr. Norman said, and then looked at Spencer's arms. "What did you do to your arm?"
Spencer looked down at his arms again. Pulling his right hand slowly to his left where the wound was. "I had an accident at work a few days ago…"
"Spencer, you've been in Las Vegas for a week now…"
"Okay! It happened at work just before I went to Las Vegas!"
"If it happened a week ago, the bleeding should have stopped already. Have you had a doctor take a look at it?"
Spencer shook his head. "No. I can attend to it just fine."
"It's bleeding. It doesn't seem to me that you can handle it just fine." Dr. Norman stood up and went to Spencer's side. "Can I take a look at your arm?"
Spencer shook his head once again and wrapped his arms around himself in a self hug. Dr. Norman laid his right hand on Spencer's left shoulder. "Spencer, let me have a look, please."
Spencer kept shaking his head and tears started to fall down his cheeks. Dr. Norman let out a sigh. He went out to talk to the orderly who followed him back into his office. "Spencer, do you know why I stopped you from leaving? Why I wanted to talk to you?"
Spencer shook his head once again. "A nurse told me that a patient has seen you cutting yourself in the bathroom at this hospital." Shocked, Spencer looked up at him. "She wasn't sure if the patient was hallucinating, but she wanted to make sure that if he wasn't, I would make sure that you'll get help."
"Now can I see your arm?"
Spencer started to hug himself again and looked down while rocking back and forth. Dr. Norman let out a sad sigh and then gave the orderly a sign to help him get a look at Spencer's arm. The orderly did as requested. He went to Spencer and pulled him out of the chair. Spencer did everything he could to fight him, but the orderly was stronger. He placed him on the couch and held out Spencer's left arm so the doctor could have a look at it. "You have no right to treat me like that! I'm not one of your patients!"
"Spencer, I'm sorry that it had to be this way, but you gave me no choice. Since my suspicions that you are a danger to yourself are correct, I have the right to do what's best for you, and as a psychiatrist I have the duty to make sure you get help." Dr. Norman started to attend Spencer's wound. It was a clean cut, but there was no doubt that it was self inflicted. After he'd bandaged the wound he said to the orderly. "Find the knife Dr. Reid must have on him. I don't want him to use it to slice his wrists the next time."
"Yes, Doctor." The orderly did find the bloody knife and confiscated it. Dr. Norman closed his eyes for a few seconds; he had hoped he'd been wrong, but the bloody knife proved that his suspicions were true. He went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a vial and a syringe and filled the syringe. He went back to Spencer. "I'm going to give you a mild sedative, so you can rest. Your body is stressed and needs some downtime. You can stay on the couch for your nap."
Spencer looked shocked up at him. He couldn't let the doctor give him the medication, fearing that it would be the last straw before he started taking Dilaudid. "No! Please, Dr. Norman!"
"Sorry, Spencer. It's for your own good." Dr. Norman said and bent down to give Spencer the shot. Spencer fought with all the strength he had in him, but the orderly restrained him from going anywhere. "No! You don't understand! I can't take any drugs! A few weeks ago I was kidnapped by a deranged killer and he forced Dilaudid on me. It's hard enough as it is for me not to pump myself full of Dilaudid!" Spencer looked pleadingly up at the doctor.
Dr. Norman could see the truth in Spencer's plea. He nodded and pushed some of the contents of the syringe out. "Okay. I'll give you a very small dose." Before Spencer could argue more, the orderly pulled him onto his side and pushed his pants a little down from his waist, which wasn't hard since Spencer's pants had become too big for him, and then Dr. Norman hurried to push the needle into Spencer's left buttock and emptied the syringe. Spencer was sobbing, but a few seconds later it had turned into to hiccups. When he fell asleep Dr. Norman pulled a blanket over the slender frame of Spencer's body.
"Thank you for your help, Jimbo. I can handle it from here."
"Are you sure?"
Dr. Norman nodded, "Yes, I'm sure. I'll call you if I need your help."
oOo
As the orderly left the office Dr. Norman looked sadly down at Spencer. He was worried about the boy's future. He feared that he would meet a similar fate as his mother, being locked up in a mental health facility for the biggest part of his adult life; the statistics were against him. The boy looked so young and vulnerable. He would hate if the boy ended up in a room next to his mother. He knew though that he needed to do something. With a heavy heart Dr. Norman took a seat in his office chair, and pulled out Diana Reid's file. He looked at the contacts Spencer had given him; contacts that he could call if Spencer wasn't available. Dr. Norman started by calling the first person on the list; Jason Gideon. The phone kept ringing, but no one picked it up. As the phone went to the answering machine he hung up and then rang up the next person on the list.
"Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, here!"
"Agent Hotchner, I'm Dr. Norman, Diana Reid's psychiatrist…"
"Is there something wrong with her, Doctor?" Hotch said and Dr. Norman could hear the worry in his voice.
"She's being her old self. No… the reason I am calling you is not Diana… it's about her son…"
"What's wrong with Reid?"
"I don't want to tell you over the phone. Are you or Jason Gideon able to come to Las Vegas to see me in my office as soon as possible? It's very important."
"Sadly Agent Gideon can't come, but I'll take the earliest plane I can get."
TBC