Title: Of Gunmen And Absurdity
Pairings: Mostly WolfwoodxVash because I can. May contain MilliexMeryl (implied or otherwise) at some point. May also include other characters at some point I guess. I don't even know. Whatever.
Rating: M for Mature things and stuff.
Spoilers: Nooooooooooone?
Warnings: General faggorty, crack and derp.
Summary: A series of silly script-like drabbles mostly center around a scruffy, offbeat priest and a flamboyant looking gunman.
Author's Notes: This started out as just some random shit I was sending to TheCrimsonClarity at work when I was bored. But I figured I might as well post it in-between working on "Four Steps To Acceptance". Hopefully this'll help me write more for that story in a more efficient manner.
Disclaimer: There will inevitably be OOCness because this will mostly be silliness and dumb shit that I think up for no reason. Lots and lots and lots of gay so you've been warned. Remeber, if offended, the 'back' button is your friend. Yasahiro Nightow owns Trigun and has money to show for it. I remain poor. Yay.
Chapter 1
Lunchtime with The Outlaw and The Priest
Nick: . . . Tongari.
Vash: Mmph?
Nick: I finished my meal, like, 10 minutes ago.
Vash: *swallows mouthful* So?
Nick: It shouldn't take you this damn long to eat a damn bag of donuts.
Vash: Well, then maybe you should help me Nicky~?
Nick: *slaps the back of Vash's head* Don't call me that in public. Anyway, I already had 5 of 'em. Can't you scarf 'em down any faster?
Vash: Owowowowow! *rubs the back of his head while nibbling on another donut*
Nick: Seriously. *displays a serious face*
Vash: I won't take long! I promise! *smiles with his mouth full while holding up a peace sign*
*cue Jeopardy music*
/20 minutes later and still in the restaurant/
Nick: *rubbings his temple in irritation*
Vash: *nomming away at donuts obliviously*
Nick: . . . *glances over and grins deviously*
Vash: NOMNOMNOMNOM- *still oblivious*
Nick: *scoots closer* Hey. Vash.
Vash: NOMNO-. . .? *eyes Nick suspiciously while chewing slowly*
Nick: *speaking louder than necessary* Can I play with your foreskin?
Vash: . . . *stops chewing*. . .whur?
Nick: Actually, I have a better idea.
Vash: *quirks an eyebrow*
Nick: Later, we should have an all-night Anal Party!
Vash: *eyes widen*
Nick: I bet your ass is just tingling thinking about it.
Vash: *coughs a bit* Erm . . . herk . . .
Nick: Picture it. My hard, thick cock up that nice little hole of yours.
Vash: *coughs more furiously while looking around nervously*
Nick: You can suck me first. Slick me up nice n' wet before I fuck you numb tonight.
Vash: *trying to speak mid-bite* Wurlfwurr!
Nick: Just thought a good nickname for you. Vash the Cum-Hungry Fellatio Master.
Vash: *swallows food hard while slamming hand on the table* -Wolfwood!
Nick: What was that Vash the Stampede? You want me to drizzle chocolate on your nipples and lick them sore tonight?
Vash: *noticing people turning their concerned gazes to them while gaping like a fish*
Nick: I could put a donut on my dick and let you suck me off. I bet it'd make my cum nice n' sweet.
Vash: *sputtering indignantly while becoming increasingly red-faced* OKAY. OKAY. I'LL EAT FASTER. *shoves a shit-ton of donuts in his mouth*
Nick: Huh? Could it be that your cute ass is craving my throbbing dick, Mister Vash?
Vash: *hastily continues to shovel donuts in his mouth like a powerful Hoover*
Nick: No Vash the Stampede, we certainly cannot fuck each other senseless on this table right now. There might be children present in this establishment.
Vash: *shoves empty bag of donuts at Nick* I'M- *cough* -I'M DONE. LOOK. SEE. DONE. *coughcough* LET'S GO NOW PLEASE.
Nick: *smiles* 'Kay!
/A few minutes later as they're making their way through town/
Vash: *pouts as he walks behind Nick*
Nick: *smirks triumphantly and looks back at Vash* That'll teach ya' to keep me waiting for some fuckin' donuts.
Vash: *flails* I can't help it! I wanted to savor the moment! They're like sweet fluffy pillows of glazed deliciousness . . .
Nick: Yeah? Well, maybe you should learn to eat your sweet pillows at a more efficient rate of speed.
Vash: . . . *stares at Nick*
Nick: . . . What?
Vash: Y'know . . . that wasn't a bad idea though.
Nick: What wasn't a bad idea?
Vash: Putting a donut on your dick.
Nick: . . . *blank stare*
Vash: *pulls out another bag of donuts from who-knows-where with a big goofy grin*
Nick: . . . What're you tryin' to say, Tongari? *quirks an eyebrow*
Vash: We're not playin' cards tonight, Nickey. *sly smile*
Nick: . . . Wha- *sudden realization* -. . . oh. *smiles back*