A/N: So…I wanted the pairing to be a surprise. If you use simple deduction skills, you'll figure it out rather quickly, but I tried to keep the clues vague.

Beta: FirstLaugh-LastTears because it's her turn.

Disclaimer: Yeah still no own

Warnings: Slash and stuff.

Harry sighed into his treacle tart miserably. He was feeling all sad and love-angsty. For you see he was in love, in love with a very special person…or non-person as the case was. The non-person thing didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Although, it presented a rather unique problem. How would they hug? Kiss? Or well, the condom-required thing? Not that a condom would be necessary, whether they figured out a way to do the nasty or not. He heaved another sigh.

Hermione, sitting next to him and, as usual, gave an aggravated huff and snapped, "What is wrong with you? You're driving me crazy!"

"Well Hermione," Harry said hesitantly. "I uh, well, I'm in love."

"Oh. That explains a lot then. Who is it?" She asked curiously.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Cuz it won't ever happen and I want to save myself some heartache by never admitting my stupid crush aloud."

"I see." Hermione said carefully. "But, you know, if you tell whoever it is how you feel, you at least have a shot. As opposed to being a chicken shit, like you are now, and not saying anything. In which case, you're absolutely right nothing will ever happen."

"But Hermione you don't understand it's-" Harry stopped nervously, licking his lips and glancing around at the other people sitting close by. He leaned close to Hermione, pushed her bushy hair out of the way impatiently, and whispered in her ear.

"Oh. Oh dear, Harry, I think you're right, that sounds quite impossible." She said, biting her lip worriedly.

Harry groaned, thumping his head down on the table next to his plate. "I knoooow. Ugh. Why does this always happen to me?"

"Let me put it bluntly." Hermione hesitated then blurted frankly, "You're an idiot. You always want what you can't have. And you don't know a good thing when you've got it. Ginny is a perfect example."

"I wouldn't exactly call our relationship a 'good thing'. Unless you think me being in constant denial of my sexuality while she boned anything with a face 'good'."

"No I don't suppose I would. But at least she was well, solid."

Harry groaned.

"I still think you should tell him Harry, I really do."

"I don't think so Hermione, even if he said yes, I don't think I could stay with him the next morning. He's so…boring. I mean, his voice is awesome, that's part of the reason I heart him, but he puts me right to sleep."

"Yes he seems to have that effect on most people, but Harry, and I do so hate to sound like a broken record: you should, at least, try."

"Oh alright." Harry stood up with another loud sigh and ever so slowly shuffled his way out of the Great Hall.

He arrived at the classroom, head bowed. "Professor, can I talk to you?"

"Well, Mr. Potter, this is certainly a surprise. I don't usually see you outside of your class period. In fact, I don't really see anyone outside of the classroom. Most people don't seem to like talking to me. Which is a pity because I just love to talk, that's why I became a Professor, you know? Most of the job is talking. It's a wonderful, rewarding way to spend your time. And-"

"Sorry, don't mean to interrupt but this is kind of important. You see, I, well, I, uh um loooo."

"You loo?"

"Looo veeee youuuu."

A very intense silence followed.

"But Mr. Potter, I'm well, uh…"

Harry swallowed and tried to speak normally. He wasn't terribly successful. "Yes I know, but I can't bring myself to care I just love you so much, you care so much about your subject and you're so knowledgeable and you have an amazing voice and the features you have left are totally adorable and I want to have sex with you but I don't know if that's possible but I don't care I want to be with you anyway-"

"Alright, Mr. Potter, I understand and I'm flattered. I really am. I can't return your feelings."

Harry released an anguished moan and tried to sink into the floor.

"Let me finish Mr. Potter. I can't return them right now, but if I get to know you a little more, maybe I can. As to the physical barrier, well, there are a few ways."

"Oh?"

"Yes, would you like to test them?"

Harry nodded eagerly, his head snapping back and forth on his neck almost violently.

A muttered spell later and the two were clasped in each other's arms, frenching half-passionately. That is to say, passionately on Harry's end, curiously on the other end.

They released each other with two soft, contented sighs. "That was quite pleasant Mr. Potter. Or should I call you Harry?"

"Yes, please do." Harry acquiesced. "What should I call you?"

"For now, just Binns."

The End.