December 17th-Recommended music: Happy Xmas(War is Over)-John Lennon
James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes wandered through the streets of New York City. Ever since his memories had begun to return to him after a run-in with his childhood best friend Steve Rogers earlier that year, his life had been in turmoil. The horror of what had been done to him at the hands of HYDRA, as well as the atrocities he had committed for them, weighed heavily on his mind. He lived in terror of being found by HYDRA, and had gotten very good at hiding from them.
After spending a short time in the nation's capital, gathering his wits and strength, he had returned, almost instinctively to his hometown of New York City. He had known it well, once upon a time. It was large enough to get lost in, and nobody would be looking for him there. Or so he hoped.
The warm summer months had been easy enough to handle. He meandered through the streets, taking whatever he needed to survive along the way, and found places to sleep in alleys or the occasional shelter when his hunger was too great. He wasn't proud of his current state as a homeless thief, but there was nothing else for him to do. He had to maintain a low profile, for any word of a man with a metal arm getting out would bring HYDRA to him.
Now that the weather had grown cold, he could wear a coat and cover his arm, easing that pressure a little. But it was biting cold now and harder for him to sleep out of doors any longer. He hated staying in a shelter, because he disliked being around so many people, but some nights, the thought of a hot meal in his belly and a cot in a heated room was too much of a draw to keep him away. He did his best to stay out of fights, though he always defended himself if somebody started something with him. He was quick to establish that he was not to be messed with.
During the day, Bucky would wander the streets, gathering what information he could about the status of HYDRA, SHIELD, or Steve. He would pour over newspaper headlines at newspaper stands, look into shop windows or bars to watch any news that might be showing on their televisions. He also spent much of his time at public libraries, using computers to search online for information. Computers hadn't been around during his younger days, but he had caught on quickly to them. He had already learned about Steve's involvement with the Avengers Initiative and how he occasionally teamed up with Howard Stark's son Tony. The guilt of what Bucky was responsible in Tony Stark's life had threatened to overwhelm him, and it still ate away at him.
Whenever he felt that he'd been in one place for too long, he would move to another part of the city. If he ever heard whisperings of HYDRA or SHIELD, he would get away from there as quickly as possible. He trusted neither of those organizations, if they had ever truly been two separate organizations at all.
He'd had a couple of close calls over the months since his escape, all far too close for his comfort. HYDRA was officially disbanded. Being a member of it was illegal, but he knew they were still alive and well-staffed. He could hear whispers of it on the streets. He knew the hand signals, gestures, and phrases used to acknowledge oneself as a HYDRA agent to another one. The city was full of them.
He had purposely kept his beard long and had allowed his hair to grow even longer in hope of disguising himself. He used to be called the Winter Soldier, but now he thought of himself as a ghost. A man who drifted through the world, but was never truly part of it. People looked right through him without ever seeing him. It came in handy when it was necessary for him to steal food for a meal or clothing to wear.
Bucky dreaded the day when he would be caught. When he could no longer outrun HYDRA. He never wanted to be the Winter Soldier again, but he feared what they would do to him if they decided they no longer needed him, or if he was too much of a risk to leave alone. A bullet to the back of the head would be a fast way to go, and maybe it would put him out of his misery, but he wasn't ready for death yet. He felt that there was still something he had to do with his life. He just wasn't sure what. Would he ever be able to redeem himself from all the sins he had committed in HYDRA's name? What would Steve think of him if he ever found out?
As he wandered down the street, he heard two men talking at the end of the block. One leaned in towards the other. "Hail HYDRA," he whispered into the other man's ear. Bucky's breath caught in his chest and he quickly darted across the street, behind a couple of young people who were carrying a Christmas tree home, and headed back the way he'd come. Time to move on again.