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HEAR NO EVIL. SEE NO EVIL. SPEAK NO EVIL.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination. Merlin belongs to the BBC and the song lyrics to Lifehouse.
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Am I losing control or losing my mind?
I know for a fact I'm losing my last place to hide.
Well maybe I'm blind, just throwing darts in the dark.
I didn't get what I want, I got what I need.
Man it hurts like hell down here on my knees.
Is this where I end, or is this where we begin?
(Lifehouse – Near Life Experience)
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He stared at the wall just behind my head, avoiding making eye contact. He took yet another deep breath. I could hear his mind screaming, "I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!" as he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. I could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he took a fresh gulp of air. I could feel the tension which had infected the air, making the few feet between us feel like leagues.
An idiot would be able to tell that whatever was about to happen, whatever was about to be said, whatever occurred in the next minute or so would change everything. The idiot standing in front of me was about to do something that would change everything.
"I need you to understand... what I mean is that it's important that you hear me out..." It was maybe the seventh or eighth time he had begun to speak. Had it not been for the fact that everything about him was reeking of how serious this conversation was, I would have yelled at him to spit it out. But even I am not that insensitive. Not when his expression silently tells me the whole world is about to be turned upside down. He attempted to tell me again. "Please believe me that I didn't want to hurt you. Please believe me that I have only ever tried to serve you, to protect you. Please believe me!" His eyes were pleading his case more than his words. No matter what was said next I knew I would believe he fully mean it. "I want you to know I won't fight you. Whatever punishment you give me I will accept, I just need you to know the truth."
He looked me straight in the eye, with a look to pierce my soul and sharply inhaled before quickly exhaling not just the air, but words. Words laced with pain and regret.
"I have magic."
He maintained the eye contacted. He watched for any change in my featured, for any hint of how I would react. I stayed perfectly still, processing the information, weighing up the possible outcomes of my next action.
"Did you hear me?" he spoke timidly. "I have magic Arthur, aren't you going to say anything? Aren't you going to shout for the guards? Send me to the dungeons? Tie me to a pyre?"
I just stared blankly back at him continuing to weigh my words. There was several minutes silence before I spoke, and when I did, "I know," was all I said.
"What?" His jaw had dropped and a confused expression had overtaken the nervous look of a few seconds before.
"I know."
He gasped and stared at me with disbelief in his eyes. "You know?"
"I know."
"When why didn't you say anything?" His confusion and disbelief was quickly turning to anger. "Why didn't you confront me? Why didn't you tell me?" He waved his arms around frantically. "You are such a prat! You could have put me out of my misery ages ago. Why didn't you? Why?"
"You weren't ready." I turned away from him looking towards my throne and the banners that hung around it.
"I wasn't ready?"
"No."
"I wasn't ready for what?"
"For what follows."
"Well am I ready now then?"
"You'll have to be."
He glared at me. "So what's next? Where do we go from here?"
"Now you leave." I replied taking a deep breath and I turning back around to face him.
"Leave? You want me to leave Camelot?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you've finally broke the silence and now I must decided what I want to do."
"But if you already knew then surely you've already decided?"
I shook my head.
"You must leave Merlin. You must leave and return in four days to hear your fate."
"Four days? Why four days?"
"One for each year I've known." I replied simply.
"You've known that long?"
"Yes."
"But Uther was still king then!"
"He was."
"But you declared you hated magic back then!"
"I thought if I made you believe that you would stop." I admitted.
"Well it didn't work did it?"
"No."
There was a tense silence between us.
"Am I not at least allowed to plead my case before I go? Tell you my story?"
"I would rather you didn't"
He seemed to sense something in my voice. "You need me to go now don't you?"
"Yes."
"But I can return in four days." He asked anxiously.
"Yes."
He nodded in understanding. "Right well I will see you then. Good bye for now Arthur." He turned and left the throne room, just like he would if he was heading off to do some chore or other.
"Goodbye Merlin," I whispered to the empty room. I sunk down onto my knees, head in hands trying to block out all the thoughts running through my head. What did I do now? Even after all this time I was undecided. I had always put off making a plan. I thought if I the two of us could maintain an illusion of hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, that I would never need to.
But Merlin had broken the silence. He had spoken of it and now all the pretences were ripped at their already fragile seems and I had to finally make a choice. A choice I wasn't sure if I was ready to make.
And I only had four days.
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AN: This is my first Merlin fic so tell me what you think. I have written it to be a one-shot however if I get enough encouragement I might add a couple of other chapters. If I've made any glaring mistakes let me know. Please review!
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