AN: I have never ever written anything like this before. I stick soley to my homework of philosophy papers. And in case you didn't know philosophers are notoriously bad at grammar, spelling, etc. So I apologize for all mistakes. Try if you can to look past them. Anyways, I was bored and decided to do something different. This is pre-Doyle. Oh..and none of the Criminal Minds characters, etc belong to me. I am not that special. Let me know if I should keep going or just fold my hand. Enjoy. One last thing...it is femslash, don't like, don't read.
Beep, beep, beep, be…
Clumsily reaching around for her phone Emily found the offending item and pushed off. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she pulled the comforter tighter around her tired body and began contemplating the tricky nature of her bed. How at the beginning of the night it is so uncomfortable? Making me toss and turn, every position more uncomfortable than the last? Then after finally succumbing to sleep I awake in a cocoon of warmth and comfort? Calling for me to stay, to seek refuge from the oncoming daylight and the pain it brings.
Grumbling, Emily threw back the covers intent on escaping the plea of the bed to begin another day. And that is what it was, just another day. It had become her mantra, just another day, all she had to do was survive another day because with that day came time. Because "time heals all wounds" at least that was the saying, the cliché. She laughed to herself when repeating the words, a hollow unsettling laugh. What people failed to mention was that this so called "time" didn't come faster or without the pain. It was just like all other time, sixty seconds to a minute, sixty minutes to an hour, and twenty-four hours to a day the same time for her as it was for the happy couple next door who just couldn't stop smiling.
Emily began dressing for her daily workout, stretching out her achy muscles as she moved down the stairs of her apartment, stopping only to grab her ipod and keys. The early morning sun assaulted her eyes but also calmed her, soothing her racing mind, comforting her in the knowledge that it was indeed another day. She had made it through the night, more time had passed. Emily hated running. She had always found it boring but here she was pumping her arms and legs at a steady pace down the street toward the park. She ran out of habit, out of the need to find distraction from the ever slow moving "time". For the next thirty to sixty minutes all she had to do was concentrate on her workout, controlling her body, pushing it to its limits. The ability to focus on just her breathing, her posture, her stride, all to keep her mind from wandering, instead it became clear, unclouded from the memories of pain and regret. It was here in this small amount of time that she didn't feel her depression closing in on her, the weight of a thousand unshed tears in her eyes. It was during these runs that Emily no longer had to continue her mantra; all she had to do was keep running, one foot in front of the other. No mantra, no depression, no pain, no time, just running, breathing, running, breathing, run, run, run…
After a quick shower and change, Emily pulled her overpriced but absolutely worth it black Audi R8 in the parking lot into her usual spot. Her car impressed the guys and was a panty dropper for the girls, it was for that reason alone she had bought it, make the girls want her. Because she wanted that type of girl, or at least until recently she had. The type of girl who would leave the bar with her, see her car and be more than willing to see what other goodies Emily had back in her apartment. It was easy, light, no strings attached, and perfect for Emily. Emily needed easy and light that was all she could handle. More than one night and her mask of fun, flirty and smiles would start to crack and the depressive, worry etched face would appear and there was no girl out there willing to stay with that Emily.
Walking towards the building Emily took a few deep breaths, raising her shoulders, physically bracing herself for another day at work, for seeing her colleagues, for seeing JJ. In a room full of profilers, it was the communication liason that seemed to always do the double-takes when Emilys façade wasn't firmly in place. One missing brick and JJ was on it, searching Emily for a clue, an answer, anything to show what Emily was truly feeling. Emily could feel those brilliant blue eyes bore into her from every direction even if it was just a passing glance. Lately, Emily could sense those glances becoming longer, the double takes turning into triple, the searching into a full fledge hunt. It was her own fault, Emily knew that her façade was slipping at work, the walls coming down a brick here or a brick there leading to gaping holes. She was just so tired, tired of shoving her feeling into little boxes, tired of the confusion, tired of hiding and it was the tiredness that was breaking her and giving JJ reason to keep looking.
The bullpen was buzzing slightly with the antics of Morgan and Reid who were currently trying to sneak folders on to unsuspecting agents desks. Emily smirked briefly and saw her own pile of paperwork looking more like a mountain with each passing second. Paperwork was good though, Emily could deal with paperwork, what she could not handle were the encounters with JJ because JJ would see what Emily was so desperately trying to hide, her imperfections and more important her love.
It hadn't come as a shock to Emily to find herself attracted to JJ. JJ was beautiful, blond hair, blue eyes, lean tone body, and a dazzling smile. Anyone would be attracted to JJ. It also didn't come as a shock to find herself friends with the blonde, surprised seemed more appropriate. Emily didn't make friends easily as a child and that didn't disappear in adulthood. Her closed off nature, distrust and own self doubt made it hard for people to stick around but if they did they became part of a short list. Emily was loyal to a fault, a friend once meant a friend for life. There was no going back for Emily, even if it hurt her to stay. She gave them all, more than she would ever give herself. And she gave JJ all she could; a shoulder to cry on, a joke to make her smile and, no matter how painful, relationship advice. Because while the attraction was easy, friends was surprising, it was the deep feelings of love and the want of intimacy she had for JJ that was shocking to Emily, that left her off center and shaken to the core. And it was the realization that came after that discover that brought the depression and the pain. JJ could never love Emily, not the way Emily loved JJ. Emily couldn't fathom any other scenario.
"Yo, Prentiss", Morgan called smiling as he saw his partner walking toward her desk.
"Morning Morgan", Emily replied "I see our paperwork reproduced overnight."
Morgan laughed, flashing his pearly whites, "Yup looks like my ass is staying planted in this chair today."
"And it will look fine as ever doing it" called in Garcia, making her way toward the team.
"Oh baby girl it looks fine doing anything" Morgan bantered back.
Emily smiled at the very common exchange between the technical goddess and Morgan. In a way she was jealous of the out in the open flirty remarks. Emily kept hers hidden behind subtle touches, sideways glances and little too long hugs. It was enough for the brunette to get by on but not enough that anyone would pick up on, especially, hopefully not JJ.
"So, my brown-eyed Princess, we want a night out, tonight to be exact" Garcia said sidling up to Emily.
"Okay" Emily replied hesitantly, afraid of where the conversation was going.
"Excellent, you're coming!" exclaimed Garcia clapping her hands together.
"Wait! What? I said no such thing Garcia. Who is 'we' and what does 'out' entail?" questioned Emily feeling a sense of dread.
"'We' means me and JJ. 'Out' entails the three of us blowing off steam, laughing, dancing, drinking" Garcia begins explaining and just as Emily could begin her dismal refusal Garcia put her hand in the air "Shhh…no way out Emily, you are coming even if I have to use my own fuzzy handcuffs and cuff you to me and JJ!"
Emily laughed at the sudden image and quickly began to feel a slight blush rise in her cheeks as she thought about being cuffed to JJ.
"Fine" Emily relented. "I'll come."
"Yay! Party time!" Garcia practically yelled out of joy.
The raised voices brought JJ out of her office, curious as to why her friend was so excited.
"JJ!" Garcia exclaimed. "You'll never believe who I got to join us this evening!"
"Reid" deadpanned JJ.
Emily nearly choked on her coffee at the statement, smiling at the blondes sense of humor.
"No silly. The infamous party dodger herself, Emily"! Garcia was almost bursting.
JJ slowly turned towards the brunette pausing for a moment to study Emilys face before a smile began to form.
"Really? You just made my day Emily." JJ said happily.
And JJ was happy, pleased that Emily would be going with her and Garcia. JJ had been becoming increasingly worried about the brunette the past few months. Sometimes she wondered if her eyes were playing tricks on her because she would swear she had been seeing the ever poised Emily Prentiss breaking down. Slowly, little by little Emily seemed to be coming apart and JJ couldn't figure out why. As JJ saw her Emily was the daughter of ambitious, wealthy and, in her opinion, emotionless parents who seemed to have instilled behaviors of poker faces, walls and compartments in Emily. It surprised JJ to see any cracks in Emily, to let any vulnerability show. JJ saw her friend as strong, capable, loyal and caring despite the upbringing. She had watched Emily in the field, with her colleagues, with victims, Emily could handle it all, no hesitation, no breaks, just a cool collected confidence. JJ admired Emily, grateful for her friendship.
"See you tonight" JJ leaned in to say to Emily, lightly placing her hand over the slender one of the brunettes'. JJ felt her tense for a brief second then recover, smiling back, "Yeah sounds fun."
JJ began walking back to her office stopping only briefly to yell at Morgan who was looking to escape, "Morgan. Reports means ass in chair".
Grumbling Morgan plopped back down, "Don't let those blue eyes fool you, sweet my ass."
Emily could only laugh.