It's not that Ben doesn't get it, he does. He understands why he did it.
But the betrayal is still fresh on his mind. You can't simply forget everything that easy, he still remembers how it felt to be abandoned by him, to listen to everything they said about him while still keeping the hope he would return to save him.
He remembers how it felt to lose that hope, too.
So yeah, they were a team again, but that doesn't mean Ben forgave Reed.
He didn't even think he could ever forgive him, really, after all that time learning how to hate him.
He still doesn't think of him as his old friend, as his Reed. The one he would do anything for without thinking twice.
They were two different Reeds, the one he hated and the one he loved. The one who was always by his side and the one who abandoned him.
One was a memory, the other a bitter feeling.
So it's a surprise when, while walking through their new lab, he hears the familiar chanting of "please don't explode" that makes him freeze. Heart speeding up and breaking at the same time.
That. That was his Reed.
That was the Reed he used to observe at class, the Reed he used to sneak out with to build crazy inventions. The Reed that was always there for him, as he was for him.
The Reed he fell in love with.
Oh yes, love. A fool's love, but a love nonetheless.
He remembers it too. It was slowly, like it was always there. One day he looked at Reed while the other was in the middle of one of his science rants and it hit him. The realization that oh.
He's in love with Reed.
He didn't freak out, of course. It felt normal, natural. It was just putting a name to a feeling that was always there. So maybe he wouldn't go around telling his family that, but it didn't change the fact that that Ben was his. That he wanted to spend the rest of his life blowing stuff with Reed and making him laugh.
It never hit him that he wouldn't get to do so.
That only happened when Reed is accepted into the program and Ben looks around and he sees that this is Reed's home, his place. His people. And Ben doesn't belong here.
He doesn't belong with Reed.
Maybe he never did.
Still, he pretended it was fine. He told Reed not to worry, he's just a train away from there. They will visit each other. They won't even notice. He fails to convince himself, but Reed buys it.
He moped at home and at his job; it was like he was in a desert and every text and picture Reed sent him was a bottle of water. His family mocked him for 'missing his boyfriend', but he didn't care. It's Reed.
Then everything happens and Reed isn't his Reed anymore.
Except apparently he is.
Ben walks up to the door as quietly as the circumstances can allow it, not wanting to interrupt the words that allured him so. He watched through the door as Reed covered his ears as the experiment of the day twisted and glowed. He didn't cry, but it was a near thing.
Then the experiment explodes and leaves dust everywhere, making both of them jump in surprise. Of course it exploded, of course.
But Reed just looks at the failed attempt in his desk for a second before looking up at Ben, whose presence had been revealed the moment he yelped from the scare, and smiled wide.
"Ben!"
He doesn't smile back, but he enters the room anyway. "Still has a thing for exploding stuff, huh?"
"Well," Reed says, scratching his nose in a tick. Ben tries to ignore the fact that he recognizes all of Reed's tellings. "At least I didn't turn off the lights of the whole neighbourhood this time?"
Then he goes on a rant on what he's doing and exactly what must've gone wrong in this experiment, not sparing any calculus or difficult explanations, while Ben sits in a chair listening carefully and sometimes passing him items when requested.
It doesn't feel like forgiveness, not really. But it's a start.
It feels like reconciliation.
Like home.
And Ben finds out he's fine with that.