Like some all knowing deity,
the gymnasium's vast presence
exists in some strange, omnipresent vacuum
with the answer to all questions asked,
from the most shallowest of superficial
down to one's deepest, innermost desire;
all Tsukishima really wanted to know was if
he'd ever survive this training camp alive.
The team is supposed to act as a whole
yet Tsukki doesn't really seem to click:
at least, it's a fear of his-
one he cannot vocalize
(maybe it's the pride stuck in his throat
holding him back from opening up)-
that he cannot, will not, ever connect
on some spiritual or emotional level,
where you feel energized
by the kind of intensity of human connection,
yet here Tsukki is,
the least extroverted
and the least sociable of the bunch
(excluding possibly Kageyama,
who has somehow taken
socially awkward to new, inept levels).
He is an outsider
in the broadest of senses-
how do you
even begin to talk to people
who have more energy than you,
exerted over a sport that may not even mean anything
outside of this insular place?
Somehow,
he has the keen sense of self-awareness
to remind himself
that it's Tsukki's own fault
for not plucking the barest amount of civility
because, if Tsukki looked hard enough,
there are players here just like him:
with common interests, like dinosaurs and the stars
and a life out of volleyball worth pursuing,
varying classes in a different universe away from Miyagi,
and intricacies explored through idiosyncrasies.
Just as he's about to psych himself up to socialize...
okay, yeah right-that would never happen,
that would be too much effort; when you've got a best friend
in Yamaguchi, who needs anyone else?
Tsukki's socializiation had been forced upon him, really!,
by being taken under the spacious wing of Tetsurou Kuroo
and his band of freaks Kotarou Bokuto and Keiji Akaashi,
an almighty gust of wind throwing Tsukki off of his own
neatly designed social axis on the outside looking in.
What could go wrong when two owls and a cat mentor a fallen crow?
The answer is simple:
despite their childish energy,
there's a sense of camaraderie between them,
complementary traits inexorably bringing them together
and they have lived enough
to mature, to grow, to change, to adapt-
they have experienced a version of life
Tsukki will never see unless he connects with them
something he's probably never gonna do,
not now, not ever
for who could enjoy the company a lanky loner like him?-
yet here Tsukki is,
caught in the tornado of chatter
that is Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi.
Tsukki's blessed, he supposes,
learning from the "masters"
(a word he uses loosely:
they've been to the training camp before,
and knowing what to expect is a form of mastery,
even if the mental gymnastics Tsukki uses is too much work,
the logic somehow makes sense)
for he benefits from this situation
even if he's not sure how the trio of older students benefits.
Bokuto likes to make epic sweeping speeches
as he wraps his arm around Tsukki's waist,
and Tsukki can't help but deadpan
"Why are you touching me like that?"
Bokuto's entire aura shifts,
a look of frantic arrogance trying to mask the confusion of being questioned
sits on his face,
"Because I'm the captain of this whole thing"
Kuroo likes to emphasize Bokuto's points with
enthusiastic emphasis, hands upon Tsukki's shoulders,
a jovial squeeze which makes Tsukki squirm,
but this sends Kuroo into a frenzy.
"I thought I was the captain," Kuroo wails, the melodrama making itself
comfortable in his presence (as it always has),
the entire gymnasium reverberating with his voice.
Kuroo and Bokuto, distracted by their bickering,
Tsukki lets out a laugh
all the while
Akaashi sends comforting looks of
those morons mean well,
don't die taking them too seriously
and
their brains matter the most
even if their actions are strange
Tsukki smiles, the barest of movements,
because now he knows something more:
even though he hates the sentimental,
he can't help but feel accepted.
Akaashi tells Tsukki
something that'll sure to stick with him forever:
"Volleyball games end, and the scores become blurry
but it's the memories that last forever,
so make them count" and Tsukki knows that those words
are sincere because Akaashi chooses them wisely
and he's the quietest one, the one most like Tsukki, the one who inherently
gets what it means to be an introvert with misplaced ambition;
Tsukki may not fit in
and he may not be perfect-far from it-
but there's a journey for him to start
that begins as he falls asleep.
Tsukki might be crazy,
but he never expected to be a lover of anything or anyone crazy
for he has returned to the dastardly trio
who drive him up the wall
but somehow, they remind him of how humanity buried deep within him
enjoyed being around other beings who approved of him,
who liked him enough to compliment him with a sense of unbridled joy
"Welcome back, you lanky weirdo!" Bokuto exclaims,
Kuroo and Akaashi brightening up just as brightly at the sight of him;
Tsukki's heart squeezes,
a feeling too much like romantic love for all of them,
as they dogpile him with attention,
something he basks in until they sober up
and
chatter about volleyball.
Boy, does he have a lot to brag about
once he tells the guys at Karasuno what he's been doing at practices...